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Is She Being Friendly Or Does She Like Me?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 9th September 2017, 4:19 AM   #1
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Is She Being Friendly Or Does She Like Me?

Recently I have been talking to this woman a lot, we usually meet in the morning at the bus stop. At first, it was the usual "Good Morning" and minding my own business, but then as I saw her being more friendly by smiling and maintaining eye contact for longer, I realised it was time that I should take the initiative and talk to her more.

About 2 weeks ago on Friday, I saw her waiting for the same train as me, so I approached her and introduced myself to her and she introduced herself, that day we hit it off pretty good, we went all the way traveling back home while talking to each other. The more we talked, the more open she become, I found out that she has 2 kids but she's currently single at the moment and not searching for anyone, during the conversation I noticed that she extended her one leg in my direction as she became more relaxed talking to me.

After that it became almost a ritual, we talked to each other a lot, asked how our day went, this and that, she asked me how did my test went last week, I was surprised that I only briefly mentioned it and she still remember it, I said we'll get the test back next week, so I am hoping for a positive result.

Then the next week she asked me, how were my results, I told her I scored well and out of my surprise, she extend her hand touched the back of my shoulder, almost like patting but felt more like touching / praising at the same time.

I always noticed that her feet are always pointing at my direction when we talk, when we leave for our work, she always wishes me a pleasant day, yesterday she said to me "if I don't see you again today, i wish you a very pleasant day and weekend more importantly good luck on your next test" I said "thank you" to her and wished her a pleasant day as well.

From what I can tell, I am definitely interested in her, what is making me reluctant is, this could be all friendly gestures, which I am misinterpreting as "flirting" or being interested in me.

What do you guys think?
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Old 9th September 2017, 5:08 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by Holmes85 View Post
I found out that she has 2 kids but she's currently single at the moment and not searching for anyone, during the conversation I noticed that she extended her one leg in my direction as she became more relaxed talking to me.

After that it became almost a ritual, we talked to each other a lot, asked how our day went, this and that, she asked me how did my test went last week, I was surprised that I only briefly mentioned it and she still remember it, I said we'll get the test back next week, so I am hoping for a positive result.

Then the next week she asked me, how were my results, I told her I scored well and out of my surprise, she extend her hand touched the back of my shoulder, almost like patting but felt more like touching / praising at the same time.
.....
What do you guys think?
She's being friendly. I played tennis with someone once over a year ago in a tournament. I recently played against her again, and asked her about her triplets and whether they had started kindergarten. (They start this week.) I also asked about other details she shared with me from our first encounter. She's one of thousands of people I've met over the last year. Am I interested in dating her? No! Being her friend? No. Remembering details that people share with you is normal human behavior. It's part of being social and friendly. So is maintaining eye contact when speaking with someone. I never expected to see this woman again after our first match.

As far as this woman's leg extending to you. We all have a preferred way of positioning our legs. Every once in a while I encounter a yoga instructor who asks us to cross our legs the opposite way. That feels downright strange.

The most important bit of data here though is the fact that she told you that she's not looking to date. That was her way of ensuring you didn't get any ideas that there was romantic potential there. She was shutting you down preemptively, so that there would be no need for awkward rejections should you misinterpret her basic friendliness.

No woman is going to tell a guy she actually wants to date that she's not open to dating. If she hadn't said that, I would say there was no harm in asking her to grab coffee or a drink...but she did. So, look elsewhere. She's not interested in you romantically.

Last edited by angel.eyes; 9th September 2017 at 5:10 AM..
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Old 9th September 2017, 5:41 AM   #3
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She's being friendly. I played tennis with someone once over a year ago in a tournament. I recently played against her again, and asked her about her triplets and whether they had started kindergarten. (They start this week.) I also asked about other details she shared with me from our first encounter. She's one of thousands of people I've met over the last year. Am I interested in dating her? No! Being her friend? No. Remembering details that people share with you is normal human behavior. It's part of being social and friendly. So is maintaining eye contact when speaking with someone. I never expected to see this woman again after our first match.

As far as this woman's leg extending to you. We all have a preferred way of positioning our legs. Every once in a while I encounter a yoga instructor who asks us to cross our legs the opposite way. That feels downright strange.

The most important bit of data here though is the fact that she told you that she's not looking to date. That was her way of ensuring you didn't get any ideas that there was romantic potential there. She was shutting you down preemptively, so that there would be no need for awkward rejections should you misinterpret her basic friendliness.

No woman is going to tell a guy she actually wants to date that she's not open to dating. If she hadn't said that, I would say there was no harm in asking her to grab coffee or a drink...but she did. So, look elsewhere. She's not interested in you romantically.
I completely disagree with what you have said. You highlighted the part where she said 'she's not looking to date' and ran with it like no tomorrow, moreoever you mixed your casual experience, which by the way ends with you having 'zero' interest with her, so this basically takes care of everything.

First things first, you don't touch people you don't know, you only touch people you are comfortable with, unless you are the touchy feely type that does it to every second person they meet.

Second, the conversation was started by her, if I've a girlfriend, which shows she's interested in knowing about me more. When I asked the same question if she's looking for one, it was a very casual reply from her, meaning that she was just going on with the convo, I mean it would have been pretty darn awkward if she had 'YES I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO BE WITH YOU' which like 20 other people sitting back and forth in the train with us.

Third she always have maintained eye contact even when I wasn't talking to her, whenever I'm looking away she is always looking at me, I am not a dating professional here, but correct me if I'm wrong, you don't stare at the people you don't have any interest in.

She also asked me a couple of times that what would I be doing on the weekend, to which my reply was, I would be seeing 'Annabelle 2' a horror movie that's playing in the theaters now. She said that she wouldn't be able to watch this movie because horror movies scare her, be she loves the comedy genre and would love to see that (which to me is a indirect hint, that she's open to watch a comedy movie), since there isn't any comedy movies in the theater near us, I didn't suggest any.

There is a difference between having a casual eye contact and a suggestive one, when your eyes linger a bit longer than it needs to, than there are 2 things, either you are a proper nut that she's looking at you like this or she has interest in you.

As for your yoga instructor, I don't know what he/she is adding to this current event, but I am pretty sure that you don't invade people's private spaces by extending your leg like a lunatic unless you are feeling comfortable with them.

It's like you sitting in the White House and extending your legs where the other person is sitting right in front of you, just because you are that type of person who always feel relaxing in situations which includes other people's space. If you are that type of person, more power to you.

Regardless, thank you for your input, I would definitely keep your suggestions in the back of my mind, just me disagreeing with it, doesn't mean it 'couldn't' be true, it just means that's not how I see it and in the end you may very well be right, but then again you may be dead wrong here too, but that's why I asked for opinions in the first place to gather more insight and than makeup my own mind about the situation
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Old 9th September 2017, 6:02 PM   #4
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I think you're making too much of her body language. One of your first conversations she said she's not looking for someone. Don't know why on earth anyone would say that if they had the slightest inkling of interest in a person. Sounds like a way to prevent you from hitting on her. But hey, you never know. She could just not think before she talks.

So there's only one way to find out, as is usually the case, and that is to ask her out on a date and be sure she knows it's a real date and not a friendly invitation. "I'd like to take you out this weekend to a nice dinner or something. What do you think?" Now she has a bunch of kids, so a lot of times mothers won't just get a babysitter and that could be why she's not looking. If she has a relative to watch them, she'll probably go. If she doesn't, she probably won't ever have time for you or anyone else.
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Old 9th September 2017, 6:06 PM   #5
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There's only one way to find out...

It begins with "e", and ends with "scalate"...
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Old 10th September 2017, 6:40 PM   #6
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I think you're making too much of her body language. One of your first conversations she said she's not looking for someone. Don't know why on earth anyone would say that if they had the slightest inkling of interest in a person. Sounds like a way to prevent you from hitting on her. But hey, you never know. She could just not think before she talks.

So there's only one way to find out, as is usually the case, and that is to ask her out on a date and be sure she knows it's a real date and not a friendly invitation. "I'd like to take you out this weekend to a nice dinner or something. What do you think?" Now she has a bunch of kids, so a lot of times mothers won't just get a babysitter and that could be why she's not looking. If she has a relative to watch them, she'll probably go. If she doesn't, she probably won't ever have time for you or anyone else.
[]

Listen ma'am, if you aren't interested in someone, you don't go all this length to sit together, make a conversation, touching this & that, there is some level of comfortableness that a person feels that makes them do these things. A person that isn't interested, doesn't waste any time doing that. Even a blind person can tell she isn't avoiding me at all, if that was the case she wasn't interested.

I don't think I need to tell you this, but woman say things that they don't mean all the time, it always changes according to the situation, let me remind you here, she asked me if I was single and if I was doing something for the weekend, pretty normal talk aye? I agree, but when it gets in details like "oh you like this genre of movie, I like a comedy one and I also am free this Sunday" are you gonna tell me, she isn't indirectly hinting at us going together?

[]I don't think you need a babysitter for a 15 and a 17 year old, unless it's quite a standard thing in your family, but each to their own.

[]

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 10th September 2017 at 7:05 PM.. Reason: Topical content
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Old 11th September 2017, 3:46 AM   #7
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I would never say to a man I might be potentially interested in dating that I wasn't interested in dating, there's all kinds of other replies I could give which would leave things much more open.

Sounds like she is happy having a public transport buddy to talk to pass the travel time with.

It doesn't sound like she is flirting from what you've described.
If anything she sounds like she is talking to you in a fairly maternal way.

How old are you OP?
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Old 11th September 2017, 11:44 AM   #8
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I think she might have said that in the flow of the conversation that she's isn't searching for anyone either, since when she asked me, I told her that I am not searching for any and when I asked her, she replied the same (but that does not eliminate the possibility of just being friendly).

I told her last about 3 weeks ago that I would be shifting to a new place in November, she did seem a bit bummed about it, although she didn't say anything, it was giving me the signal she wants me to take some sort of a step before that. But since I ain't sure, I am treading carefully.

There are a lot of guys on the bus stop, that want to talk to her, she makes small talks with them and comes directly to me afterwards and we talk all the way to work.

I don't think a person touches anyone, unless they are at least on some level feeling comfortableness with them.

It might just all be friendly and I could be dead wrong about everything, but I think time would clear up everything.

There is a new bar opening in the town that we live, I'll ask her if she has any plans for the weekend, if there are, I wouldn't mention about the bar, but if she says she doesn't, I'll ask her if she would like me to join in the bar.

If she saus yes to that, that would be positive, I can ask her next if she would like to go to the cinema with me, since she did mention 2 weeks ago that she likes comedy movies and at that time there weren't playing any in the cinema so I didn't mention anything, plus I had plans of my own that week.

If she says yes to both of them, I don't think that there is anything to clarify, if she denies or makes excuses that would clear out everything. At least I'll know clearly

And last but not the least, I am 32 years old
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Old 11th September 2017, 11:52 AM   #9
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It seems like you want everyone's response to be in line with your thoughts on the matter, so not sure why you asked the question?

If you think she is in to you, then ask her out for dinner or a drink some time.

That is the only way you are going to find out!
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Old 11th September 2017, 12:06 PM   #10
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It seems like you want everyone's response to be in line with your thoughts on the matter, so not sure why you asked the question?

If you think she is in to you, then ask her out for dinner or a drink some time.

That is the only way you are going to find out!
'That is the only way you are going to find out' True, as I said that in my previous post.

'It seems like you want everyone's felines to be in line with your thoughts on the matter, so not sure why you asked the question'

I asked the question because I wanted opinions, that does not give anyone the right that they can rollover the train on me, that is why I wanted to put it to the stop after the very first post of preraph. The post was structured pretty poorly and it came as rude, hence the reply I gave her......we are getting a bit off topic here, which is exactly I don't want.

Last edited by Holmes85; 11th September 2017 at 12:19 PM.. Reason: !
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Old 13th September 2017, 1:43 PM   #11
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Well it didn't put a stop to it because I'm not the only one that thinks that. But since you don't actually want any advice on the matter than just ask her out and that will be that. Just be sure she knows it's a real date. Believe It or Not women will often be very friendly and nice to people they are not interested in romantically, so the only way to find out is to ask her out. You're welcome.
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Old 14th September 2017, 7:45 AM   #12
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Well it didn't put a stop to it because I'm not the only one that thinks that. But since you don't actually want any advice on the matter than just ask her out and that will be that. Just be sure she knows it's a real date. Believe It or Not women will often be very friendly and nice to people they are not interested in romantically, so the only way to find out is to ask her out. You're welcome.
You are right, the only way to know for sure is to ask her out.

There is a bar opening in 2 weeks in our near town, I'll ask her if she would like to join me thee, considering the bar is just 10 steps away from her house, if she denies, that would be the end of it.

If she says yes, than I think the next step would be to ask her out if she would like to go to the cinema, if she says yes there too, than I think there are no questions left to be asked and it would be all self explanatory.

For the time being, I think I'll just be friendly and observe, I wouldn't be bummed about it, if she wasn't interested in me the sam way I am, but you'll never know if you won't try.

Half of me says, it very well likely be just friendly, the other half, since I am interested myself, wants it to be more than friendly.

Whatever it is, the time would clarify everything, I'll be fine with it either way
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Old 14th September 2017, 8:08 AM   #13
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You are right, the only way to know for sure is to ask her out.

There is a bar opening in 2 weeks in our near town, I'll ask her if she would like to join me thee, considering the bar is just 10 steps away from her house, if she denies, that would be the end of it.
Are there no other bars except for one opening in 2 weeks right near where she lives?

Seems a bit of a long time to wait if you've decide to ask her out, plus it could feel 'a bit too close to home' if this place is steps from her home.

Why not just ask her out next time you see her? Then you'll know one way or the other.
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Old 14th September 2017, 11:40 AM   #14
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This is a new bar opening near us, so I thought it was a good opportunity.

There are bars in the centre of the city, which is about 25 minutes away from where we live, but I thought the one opening near us would be a good opportunity.

About 2 weeks ago, she indirectly hinted at the cinema, she asked me about what do I usually like watching in the cinema, I said "pretty much everything, but my top genres are usually horror or the animation ones" she laughed at it saying "haha this is a very rare combination" and I asked her "what does she enjoy watching in the cinema?" she said "Well I can't look at horror movies, they really scare me out, I enjoy watching anything Comedy, doesn't matter if it's in the cinema or on TV", I said to her "it's been a long time since I saw a comedy in the cinema, but since you mentioned TV Shows, I take it that you like watching the Big Bang Theory" she said "yes absolutely, I love it".

That's when she asked me, that what my plans were for the weekend, which automatically made me think that she told me that she would like to watch a comedy in the cinema, since there wasn't any playing at that time, I didn't suggest any, plus I had things to do that weekend, so I thought maybe next time.
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Old 14th September 2017, 2:06 PM   #15
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This is a new bar opening near us, so I thought it was a good opportunity.

There are bars in the centre of the city, which is about 25 minutes away from where we live, but I thought the one opening near us would be a good opportunity.
If it's the only bar within a 25 minute radar of where you live and newly opened then it's likely to be rammed.

Also, she didn't hint about the movies, she responded because you mentioned you were going to go.
Ask her on a first date first before you plan the second one.
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