Jump to content

The girl that I have crush on


Recommended Posts

Hey guys,

 

Since last year, I had been trying to get my crush. We ended up so close to each other. We are best friend as you can say. We hangout all the time and we talk on the phone every night until the morning. Last summer I told her how i felt about her and she told me she only sees me as a friend. Of course i was and I told myself to keep trying because that how I started. We let each other know how much we care about each other. During the winter, I made the move and kissed her. Then we became friends with benefit. But no one else knows because I promised her is only between me and her. I know this wasn't a good idea but I still did because I feel like once we have sex things will starts to get better. I told her when we are doing this kind of stuff,it just us being horny and nothing more.(but she still knows i like her)

 

One month, I couldn't handle the feeling anymore. She goes out to parties alot and I got very depressed thinking she is hooking up with someone. I told her we should just not talk to each other anymore. She agreed at the moment and didnt say much. We both cried after that. She called me an hr later saying why I was doing this and I told her why. But she told me she didnt hook up with anyone and will never do bcuz she hangs out with her friend that she knows she will never have feeling with. Finally we got back to be friends again like before.

 

This summer, I got jealous of her texting a lot of boys because they are all trying to flirt with her. I got jealous and mad but I dont have the right to be. I told her my feelings never changed I love her. She said only sees me as a friend but different words(kind of?). I told her how is it possible not to get feeling with each other when we spend so much time with each other. She told me she had try to love me but wasnt enough. She told me I was childish and careless sometimes and it turns her off. I had changed a lot for her. So I told her I will try to be a better person. The man you want to date with. The next day she looked at me in the eyes and told me maybe she does have feelings for me. " If I didnt have any feeling, I wouldnt be more than friend with you".

 

This month, we had problems bcuz she said it wasnt health to hangout with each other everyday. I do agree with that. SO we hangout less than usual now.One day we talked about our feelings again. She told me the more I want it, the less she would want to be in a relationship. She wants me to move on and let her try to love me. It wasnt easy thinking that she will make the move while not spending as much time as before we her. I have not been text her as much as before. I have try to not avoid her and talk to her less. She has start a conversation with me and saying I miss you, which I think she may have feelings for me deep inside. Recently, I found out (without her knowing)her ex-co-worker texted her out of no where saying he as thinking about her and wants to go on a date with her. I remembered she told me he was very attractive to her. Later I found out she Said" I would love to" And I was so hurt after that. Ever since that day I was hurt so much thinking she will be leaving me soon or later.

 

Thank you guys for reading my story. I wanted to hear some advice and opinion from you guys. How to I win her heart? Do I have any chance?

 

One more question: Her birthday is coming up I was thinking writing a book of my dairy of her I wrote down from the past with her. Like the memories and my feeling when I was happy and sad with her? Is it ok?

 

Tip:im a saggittarius and she is a leo

Edited by sotten1997
Link to post
Share on other sites

She doesn't see you as relationship material.

 

You should cut contact and move on.

 

As it is all you are doing is pressuring her into having relationship type feelings for you - pressurising doesn't work.

 

No - do not send the diary.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Is there something wrong with the diary?

will it make her feel more pressure or feel bad?? I just want to tell her how i felt throughout the year.

Edited by sotten1997
Link to post
Share on other sites
Is there something wrong with the diary?

will it make her feel more pressure or feel bad?? I just want to tell her how i felt throughout the year.

 

NO, she knows how you feel and its this type of behaviour which is turning her off. The best you can do is move on and start dating other girls. She does not want you clinging to her, crying etc.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Last summer I told her how i felt about her and she told me she only sees me as a friend.

 

That's all you need to know, so get over it already.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Unfortunately this girl does not want to date you. You are the kid with your nose pressed up against the glass at the bakery who is never going to get to sample the goodies inside. It's called the friendzone, even with the benefits / sex

 

She gave you what she could -- FWB. She probably enjoys your company as a friend but for whatever reason she does not see you as relationship material. Knowing you have feelings for her, she needs to cut off the benefits immediately. It's not fair to you. Your feelings get deeper & she doesn't care.

 

Writing the dairy & giving it to her is a BAD IDEA. She is fully aware that you like her & want a relationship. She does not want that. Pouring your heart out to her will drive her farther away. She will see you as even less of a man. Worst case scenario she will take that book & make fun of you with it. It's not going to cause her to suddenly realize that she wants to date you. Part of her doesn't see you as a real man; you are more like a BFF / girlfriend whose shoulder she can cry on but who has different anatomy. Sending her this diary will emasculate you even further in her eyes.

 

At this point you need to put a LOT of distance in your interactions with her. Stay away. Heal. Get over her. Don't continue your front row seat to her quest for a different guy.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Hi everyone seem to tell me move on but its really hard for me. Can you guys tell me what can I do to win her back? or attract her?

I want to ask her on a date with me and see what she says?

I have been distance her a lot bcuz I don't want to be clingy and I know I was and which was not good. She texted me and really shows she misses me these days

Link to post
Share on other sites

There is nothing you can do to win her back. Sorry. She put you in a box labeled "unattractive" & there's nothing you can do to get out of that.

 

 

I suppose there is a 1/1,000,000 chance that if you disappear on her, live your life, have fun, & get a new GF she might pop up later & want you because now you are with somebody else. If you drop the new girl under those circumstances for this chick that makes you a shallow user. I don't think that is who you are.

 

 

So as hard as it will be, just let her go.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

No about the notebook. She came right out and told you she wondered if she'd like you more if you weren't as ever-present. She wants LESS neediness and begging type behavior, not more.

 

The thing is of course she cares about you. But she has known all along and still knows that you are not the one for her. She is not excited by you or very attracted to you. Apparently she does have sexual needs so she is having sex just so she can have sex, but she's always been looking for a different guy. I know this hurts. But just hanging around never really changes anything. You will just come off as needy and she will feel sorry for you. I think you're wasting a bunch of time here.

 

She will probably want to remain friends no matter who she's dating, and at some point you, for your own sake and so you can stop focusing on her and move on, are going to have to learn to be the one to stop contact. She isn't focused on you, so she has nothing to lose by keeping you around telling her how wonderful she is, but you will never be able to move on if you don't walk away.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Is there something wrong with the diary?

will it make her feel more pressure or feel bad?? I just want to tell her how i felt throughout the year.

 

She doesn't want you, so it's only going to make her feel sorry for you and also wonder where is your self-respect that after she's told you you are not the one, you still fill pages with mushy one-way feelings.

 

You can't MAKE a person want you who already doesn't want you that way. There's no magic wand. She has her own brain and she's given it every chance and she doesn't feel that way about you, so this is when it's supposed to be over.

Edited by preraph
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

hi guys it been very hard for me these past days

I talked to her today saying it better if we e dont talk and i ill try to move on and stuff. Later she said she really doesnt want to lose this friendship.I told her it wont be too hard for you. Your not focusing one me and someone is going to come in your life. She asked me why i was doing this I told her becuz I lover her. Later she just cried and her mom called so she had to leave.

We talked later of the day and I asked her to give me a chance but she said I cant force myself to love someone, the feeling isnt there. When I talk to the guy, I was nervous and when im talking to you. Im not. So finally I think Im ready to move on. She is not worth it anymore.

 

what do you guys think about this person? is it normal to be like this or she is just a bad person in general?

 

Sorry It feels nice to talk about my feeling and hear others opinion. Thank you

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sotten1997, this is a horrible situation and I am so sorry to say this; you need to let her go, she’s using you as a fall back. There is no strategy or game plan to win her over; I don’t believe you have any chance whatsoever with her, not in the manner in which you think a relationship with her will be. If you want, wish her a happy birthday, but do not give her the diary. You need to concentrate on yourself and begin to live a life without this woman! You are valuable and there are other women out there eager to meet and date a man who is faithful…I’m sorry Sotten1997, you need to move on! Are you religious; is there someone you can talk with, a pastor, a good friend to give you some perspective? This isn’t the end and you deserve to be treated with respect – don’t settle, because I know with my own journey, I didn’t find my true love until I was 32 and I’ve been married for 16 years.

 

Please know that she isn’t the only one, if you find yourself obsessing then reach out, to your parents, friends or a professional.

Link to post
Share on other sites
hi guys it been very hard for me these past days

I talked to her today saying it better if we e dont talk and i ill try to move on and stuff. Later she said she really doesnt want to lose this friendship.I told her it wont be too hard for you. Your not focusing one me and someone is going to come in your life. She asked me why i was doing this I told her becuz I lover her. Later she just cried and her mom called so she had to leave.

We talked later of the day and I asked her to give me a chance but she said I cant force myself to love someone, the feeling isnt there. When I talk to the guy, I was nervous and when im talking to you. Im not. So finally I think Im ready to move on. She is not worth it anymore.

 

what do you guys think about this person? is it normal to be like this or she is just a bad person in general?

 

Sorry It feels nice to talk about my feeling and hear others opinion. Thank you

 

No, she's not a bad person. Everyone has a different set of things they are attracted to in a romantic way. It could literally be that you look like her pervy Uncle Mo or that she is only attracted to a certain color hair. It can be she's waiting until she meets someone who she relates to in the same way as her dad or who can stand up to her. She may simply not find you a physical match for her or a personality match.

 

If women wanted to have sex with everyone who was being nice to them, they'd be on their backs all day. She knows that you are not her match. She isn't attracted to you that way.

 

I'm sorry you're having to lose the friendship, but it's best for you and I'm very proud of you for telling her exactly why. That was a very brave thing to do. You will find someone who returns your love one of these days.

 

You are not unusual. We have all fallen for someone who loved someone else or just wasn't attracted to us or felt we weren't the man/woman they envisioned spending their life with.

 

Move on and good luck.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You don't have to lose the friendship. You don't have to make that decision right now. You do need to cut contact completely for however long it takes to get over her and move on with someone else, though. You sound young-- which means you have time. Time to move on, and time to be friends or not depending on how you feel on the other side.

 

At the end of my freshman year of college, my closest guy friend there shared all his feelings with me. I did not feel that way, and told him honestly and then didn't talk to him the entire summer. When we got back to school, we felt around, found that our friendship was still fine, and then I set him up with his now wife. It was a little bit selfish of me, because I wanted him to be with someone else so his feelings for me didn't return and interrupt our friendship again, but clearly it all worked out for the best :)

 

(even though I'm still single 15 years later... but my feelings for him have never changed, we're still friends, and I'm happy if he's happy.)

Link to post
Share on other sites

At first I thought your post was written by a lovestruck teenager because of the behavior of both of you. Then I read that she was working and had to believe that two mature people were acting this way. First off, once you enter the friend zone you are doomed to be there forever. Too many guys are afraid to tell a girl how they feel about her because they fear rejection or are insecure about themselves. So they go to the friend zone since the chances of being rejected are much less than asking to go into the relationship zone.

 

I had a crush since I was 14 years old. I made my intentions known and she said no. She was a good girl and I was the town bad boy. Not a good fit. So I went on with my life and to make a very long story short, despite two ex girlfriends cheating on me, one an ex fiance, I met my wife of 45 years. I have always told women what my feelings for them was. If they did not feel the same I moved on rather than become a lovesick guy. Why waste my life on someone who will never love me in the same way I loved them.

 

By moving on I met my wife of 45 years on a train and got engaged 3 weeks later. Turned out that her best friend was my crush but I did not know that until after we got engaged. 7 years after I married my wife, my crush, wife and I ended up in bed together and learned that my wife had a crush on her best friend who also had a crush on her and me too. Back in our day, being non heterosexual had serious consequences so they never let each other know. That night in our threesome they both let each other know how they felt by making love. Our girlfriend moved into our home and was in our life and bed for the next 30 years. So it seems that you can have your cake and eat it too.

 

The twist to this is that if my crush had become my girlfriend early on and then married me as I wanted, we would have gotten divorced quickly. Why? She wanted a child more than anything else in the world. She even married an alcoholic so she could get pregnant in wedlock. I am sterile and did not know it at the time. There was no in vitro or sperm banks in our time so she would not be able to get pregnant unless she did so with another man. That would not have been a good marriage. As it turns out, my wife is sterile too so it is a good match. Our girlfriend got a kid by her ex and everyone was happy. Turns out that being rejected by my crush early on resulted in a longer relationship than we would have otherwise had.

 

My advice is to stop being the lovesick puppy. There are plenty of girls you can love all around you. I loved and lost my ex fiancee but got over her by getting under another girl. When I saw my wife and my friend bet that I could not get a date with her, I jokingly told him that not only will I date her but I would get her to marry me. 3 weeks later we were engaged and my ex fiance, who was the only girl in the world that I loved went on to become a drug addict who developed mental problems, cheated on her husband and is not married to a woman. How silly it was of me to think she was THE ONE.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...