New guy posting nudes on Instagram

[kate_n]

Hi all,

 

I recently got to know this guy while on working holiday overseas. We had a very nice fling and now, back in our own countries, we are continuing to talk online often.

 

We talk about how much we miss each other. And he will send me some funny nude photos of himself. I found it very cute and told him so. But save for a couple of nice looking photos of me with some cleavage I don't respond with anything else.

 

I just connected with him on Instagram (private account) yesterday, and there are those nude photos he sent to me, with more I have never seen, funny videos of him prancing about in the nude, or with suggestive props like sausages. He has more girls in this followers list and they are all liking his pics and commenting on them (although mostly saying how much they can't stop laughing or joking about his video scenerios).

 

I know he's just being a clown but I am a very private person. I was honestly quite shocked. I was also disappointed because I believe some things are meant to be shared with only special people. My body, especially. I cannot imagine putting intimate parts of my body out there for all men to see.

 

When we are together, he is very nice and serious. This is a complete shock.

 

Am I just being a prude? Social media conservative? Too serious?

And what does it say about a man who posts these things? Narcissist?

[d0nnivain]

He's an exhibitionist. There is nothing you can do or say to change him. It's who he is.

 

If you don't like him, disconnect from his IG account.

 

Do you honestly thinks this LDR has a real chance? Do you want to relocate to his country? Does he want to come to yours? It all seems far fetched to me.

 

So chat with him outside of IG or disconnect entirely but don't start expecting him to change.

[kate_n]

Thanks for the reply!

 

We do talk outside of social media, in fact we only connected to social media after some time of talking. I like him very much, and I believe its mutual, but if it's not meant to be the best we can do is try our best and see it to its bitter end. There are no illusions about the difficulty of the situation.

 

So is being an exhibitionist... bad? Is it harmless fun in today's social media onslaught, or is it a disorder? I am doubting myself because if a male friend of mine on Instagram (that I am not interested in) posts nudes of himself, I will most likely block him too. Not this guy's friends though?

 

The nude photos thing, I cannot get over though. It's a deal breaker. Maybe I will raise this issue with him.

 

I want to say thanks again for the reply.

[d0nnivain]

So is being an exhibitionist... bad? Is it harmless fun in today's social media onslaught, or is it a disorder? I am doubting myself because if a male friend of mine on Instagram (that I am not interested in) posts nudes of himself, I will most likely block him too. Not this guy's friends though?

 

The nude photos thing, I cannot get over though. It's a deal breaker. Maybe I will raise this issue with him.

 

I want to say thanks again for the reply.

 

Bad sounds so . . . judge-y I don't know if it's good or bad but I don't want to see it. Does that make sense?

[Novz]

Am I just being a prude? Social media conservative? Too serious?

 

I believe your reaction was normal. I mean why so shocked so suddenly about him showing off his birth suit when you said that the two of you had fling before?

 

I only hope you don't go beyond the cleavage thingy. I just want you to Avoid regrets later!

[kate_n]

I believe your reaction was normal. I mean why so shocked so suddenly about him showing off his birth suit when you said that the two of you had fling before?

 

I only hope you don't go beyond the cleavage thingy. I just want you to Avoid regrets later!

 

 

Not that I am shocked to see him naked. I actually thought it was cute when I believed it was only for me. Like something special. And it became a bad taste in my mouth when I realised it wasn't. Other girls are also poring over them.. at the same time.

 

Judging from all results that comes up when I type this in google, I think not everyone shares my sentiment.

 

Thanks for your reply!

[kate_n]

Bad sounds so . . . judge-y I don't know if it's good or bad but I don't want to see it. Does that make sense?

 

Yes it does. Completely.

[Novz]

I am sorry Kate if I sound judgmental with my reply. Hugs.

Maybe I don't have empathy because I am not sure on how he keeps the communication with you the way he does it by sending you nude pics.

[d0nnivain]

. I actually thought it was cute when I believed it was only for me. Like something special. And it became a bad taste in my mouth when I realised it wasn't. Other girls are also poring over them.. at the same time.!

 

 

That was sort of my problem with it. I don't really want to see nude pictures of my husband. I want the real thing. But the idea that you & every other woman can see the goodies . . . that's a bridge too far for me. As a private thing to bridge the distance . . . maybe but the public aspect of it.. . .{cringes}

 

You can try talking to him about it but without the real prospect of you two being able to bridge the distance I don't see an incentive for him to change or for you to be bothered to push the issue.

[Michelle ma Belle]

You thought you were special and realized you weren't and that's been a blow to your ego.

 

Would you have reacted differently had he sent you pics that weren't shared on his IG account? Took pics just for you? Would that have made a difference?

 

I agree that this guy is a clown who enjoys getting attentions by prancing around nude. So be it. Everyone has their own "shtick" when it comes to demanding attention on social media, this is his. You're either okay with it or not. If not, then I suppose you stop talking with him. You said it yourself nude pics were a dealbreaker.

 

As for his account and friends, let's remember he has a private account which in today's society is pretty refreshing since so many don't bother thinking twice about privacy or the dangers that come from an account wide open particularly when they're sharing intimate pics of themselves in compromising ways. Obviously his friends aren't shocked or offended by his nude shenanigans and if they were they're no longer there anyway.

 

Personally, I'm not sure there is any point discussing this with him unless it's out of sheer curiosity rather than to try lay a guilt trip on him. You had a fling. It ended. You live in different countries. No promises were made. You owe each other nothing.

 

He invited you to his IG in an effort to stay connected but the likely reality is every girl he's hooked up on his travels is probably a follower as well.

 

That's life.

Edited August 7, 2017 by Michelle ma Belle

[kate_n]

I am sorry Kate if I sound judgmental with my reply. Hugs.

Maybe I don't have empathy because I am not sure on how he keeps the communication with you the way he does it by sending you nude pics.

 

Haha no I didn't think you were judgemental at all. I guess it was the way I described everything, it sounded so focused on the pictures. So, I want to elaborate by saying that me and this guy, we spent some time together. And then when we separated, we continued to communicate by calling and messaging. And then, he would sometimes send me nude pictures. And I just laugh about them with him. This has been going on for a while, and yesterday he told me to add him on Instagram to see a video (non-sexual, non-nude). But aside from that said video, there are all the other nude stuff in the historical posts. And when I saw them I just didn't say anything, wanting to sort out my thoughts about them first. I hope that makes it a bit clearer.

 

I didn't confront him because we are in the uncomfortable stage between being being friends and being girlfriend/boyfriend, so I don't think I have the right to stop him from doing what he wants. I thought the photos were exclusively for me, but it was only my assumption. We said we are not seeing anyone else, but it also doesn't mean a promise to stop trying to see someone else.

 

d0nnivain is right on the money in that the critical thing is whether we will end up transforming this into something more solid (distance is a factor, yes). Until then, I guess I have to right to demand him to curtail any of his actions.

[kate_n]

You thought you were special and realized you weren't and that's been a blow to your ego.

 

Would you have reacted differently had he sent you pics that weren't shared on his IG account? Took pics just for you? Would that have made a difference?

 

 

Thanks for your reply. I agree completely with what you said.

 

Your question is interesting. I think... it would have made me feel slightly better. Retaining a bit of my special-ness. But having other nude pics on there would have made me uncomfortable as well. But it would not have made me as uncomfortable as if I knew he was sending pics to other girls in private. I also cannot get over the psychology of such overt narcissistic display. It didn't gel with what I knew about this guy. And he obviously likes other girls seeing the display, I didn't like that either.

[kate_n]

I also want to add by saying I think if I knew he was posting stupid clownish naked photos to his guy friends I would have been ok. It would just have felt like boys fooling around being dumb.

 

But it was mostly liked and commented on by female followers. That's annoying too.

 

I am going to do deep breaths and remind myself to massively drop expectations of him and us.....

[Novz]

I thought the photos were exclusively for me, but it was only my assumption. We said we are not seeing anyone else, but it also doesn't mean a promise to stop trying to see someone else.

 

Thank you for explaining it further for me. I get a better picture now.

[Miss Clavel]

Thanks for the reply!

 

We do talk outside of social media, in fact we only connected to social media after some time of talking. I like him very much, and I believe its mutual, but if it's not meant to be the best we can do is try our best and see it to its bitter end. There are no illusions about the difficulty of the situation.

 

So is being an exhibitionist... bad? Is it harmless fun in today's social media onslaught, or is it a disorder? I am doubting myself because if a male friend of mine on Instagram (that I am not interested in) posts nudes of himself, I will most likely block him too. Not this guy's friends though?

 

The nude photos thing, I cannot get over though. It's a deal breaker. Maybe I will raise this issue with him.

 

I want to say thanks again for the reply.

 

is that a down grade, going from intimate/fling/talking and then to social media where he shows his goods to anyone with an internet connection?

 

the fact is that you two are not exclusive. period.

 

it's never good to attach your ego to someone else's behavior..

 

it is good to have standards and frankly, he doesn't meet yours.

 

thank your lucky stars he doesn't have any private pixs of you and then, move on.

 

down grade his ass, literally and don't "like" him anymore.

 

you deserve better and the chance of you finding someone else is improved when you stop wasting your time on dead ends.

 

after all, you don't go into the grocery store and shop for food you don't like, do you? you don't pay for food that makes you gag and feel queasy, hoping that you can change yourself enough to force it down, right?

[Michelle ma Belle]

I also want to add by saying I think if I knew he was posting stupid clownish naked photos to his guy friends I would have been ok. It would just have felt like boys fooling around being dumb.

 

But it was mostly liked and commented on by female followers. That's annoying too.

 

I am going to do deep breaths and remind myself to massively drop expectations of him and us.....

 

 

And this is why I don't date men who are active on social media.

 

I doubt any card carrying heterosexual guy or gal who posts provocative pics of themselves are doing it for their drinking buddies

 

I think dropping any expectations of him and especially the two of you together is very wise.

 

Doing what he's doing doesn't necessarily make him a bad person. I mean, given what people typically post on social media these days but it's not something that sits well with you and that's completely understandable.

 

All I know is that when one person isn't a fan of social media and the other is, it rarely works out.

 

Good luck.