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is the friendzone actually real?


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if you were once in a relationship, no I don't think you can friendzone....there's intimate memory that you both shared together. When me and my ex were talking causally, our relationship was brought up and eventually got back together..

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I basically agree with most of the comments in that link about women don't owe men to be sexual with them and that it's some coping mechanism, but I do think there is a point in a relationship when it's too late to come back and that's what I call the friend zone but I'm sure it means different things to different people.

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The Friendzone is real. Let's not pretend it isn't.

 

There are guys who want sex or a relationship, make a wrong turn somewhere, and end up in Never-Gonna-Get-It land.

 

It happens. Quite often.

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The Friendzone is real. Let's not pretend it isn't.

 

There are guys who want sex or a relationship, make a wrong turn somewhere, and end up in Never-Gonna-Get-It land.

 

It happens. Quite often.

 

Yep, it exists.

 

The difference is women don't actually want to be friends with you when they friendzone you.

 

They want you around for emotional or financial support and never actually treat you like a friend. Yet, they don't often flat out reject you and tell you there is zero possibility of anything romantic.

 

When a girl says she wants to be just friends, she doesn't actually want to be friends. She is rejecting you as a romantic possibility.

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if you were once in a relationship, no I don't think you can friendzone....there's intimate memory that you both shared together. When me and my ex were talking causally, our relationship was brought up and eventually got back together..

 

oh sorry my bad, I should have made it clear that its for situations before sex or relationships. usually in the pursuing stage. Thanks for your input

 

The Friendzone is real. Let's not pretend it isn't.

 

There are guys who want sex or a relationship, make a wrong turn somewhere, and end up in Never-Gonna-Get-It land.

 

It happens. Quite often.

 

The word "Friendzone" come from "Friends" the American sitcom, if you ask previous generations then most of them do not know what it is. Its simply a way of perceiving it. If she's not into you then its rejection whatever you like or not. Call it anything you want but it's not going to change anything. FZ is just a polite way of projecting that, almost always there is no friendship after unless you were really good friends with her before.

 

Yep, it exists.

 

The difference is women don't actually want to be friends with you when they friendzone you.

 

They want you around for emotional or financial support and never actually treat you like a friend. Yet, they don't often flat out reject you and tell you there is zero possibility of anything romantic.

 

When a girl says she wants to be just friends, she doesn't actually want to be friends. She is rejecting you as a romantic possibility.

 

yeah, vast majority of the time, however I think there will be times where the boy and the girl have strong friendship which they don't want to lose it. For me I want to find out asap so I know who not to waste time on

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oh sorry my bad, I should have made it clear that its for situations before sex or relationships. usually in the pursuing stage. Thanks for your input

 

 

 

The word "Friendzone" come from "Friends" the American sitcom, if you ask previous generations then most of them do not know what it is. Its simply a way of perceiving it. If she's not into you then its rejection whatever you like or not. Call it anything you want but it's not going to change anything. FZ is just a polite way of projecting that, almost always there is no friendship after unless you were really good friends with her before.

 

 

 

yeah, vast majority of the time, however I think there will be times where the boy and the girl have strong friendship which they don't want to lose it. For me I want to find out asap so I know who not to waste time on

 

I don't see this term applying when you are actually friends (which is rare between men and women as one usually wants more). I don't throw around the word friend very often. Acquaintance, sure, but friends are people who mutually respect each other and will do things to help each other out.

 

I see it either when you are being rejected by a potential lover or after you have dated and the girl wants to keep you around until she finds a new bf with no intention of keeping you around after that. Girls who friendzone you will rarely try to set you up with one of their friends because they do not find you worthy and they enjoy the attention.

 

I too prefer to know asap as to not waste my time.

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OatsAndHall

Yes... The Friendzone is very real and I have seen far too many people (especially men) allow themselves to get stuck in it. I have had a few girlfriends who had guys in the Friendzone and they just couldn't see it. They viewed the relationship as completely platonic while these guys were orbiting and hoping crawl out of their self-imposed limbo.

 

It's funny, I actually had this conversation with my last serious girlfriend as she didn't think that the Friendzone existed either. She didn't figure it out until she changed her status on Facebook to "in a relationship" and a huge chunk of her male "friends" disappeared. She was pretty distraught over it as she thought these guys truly were good platonic friends. I comforted her by pointing out that the guys that were still around hadn't Friendzoned themselves and actually viewed their relationship as platonic. I am sure a few of them were still orbiters but it was easier to pick out her true "friends".

 

And, make no mistake, a person doesn't place another one in the Friendzone; they do it to themselves. If I'm interested in someone romantically and the feelings aren't reciprocated, I either go on my merry way or I accept the platonic relationship.

 

I certainly don't keep in contact with them in the hopes that they'll suddenly wake up and realize that I'm the love of their life. That is just creepy and I view it as just a few steps shy of stalking.

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while these guys were orbiting and hoping crawl out of their self-imposed limbo

 

maybe some of them are happy with a platonic friendship. In the real world guys like that will not stick around for long because in the end of the day they're not getting what they really want.

 

Thats exactly what I'm trying to avoid right now, spending time with a girl with out any prospect. If I don't see any hope and she's not a good friend then I might as well just walk away.

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Yep, it exists.

 

The difference is women don't actually want to be friends with you when they friendzone you.

 

They want you around for emotional or financial support and never actually treat you like a friend. Yet, they don't often flat out reject you and tell you there is zero possibility of anything romantic.

 

When a girl says she wants to be just friends, she doesn't actually want to be friends. She is rejecting you as a romantic possibility.

 

that happens, but there are women who are real friends with guys. But it's probably guys who weren't really pursuing her anyway.

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Yes... The Friendzone is very real and I have seen far too many people (especially men) allow themselves to get stuck in it. I have had a few girlfriends who had guys in the Friendzone and they just couldn't see it. They viewed the relationship as completely platonic while these guys were orbiting and hoping crawl out of their self-imposed limbo.

 

It's funny, I actually had this conversation with my last serious girlfriend as she didn't think that the Friendzone existed either. She didn't figure it out until she changed her status on Facebook to "in a relationship" and a huge chunk of her male "friends" disappeared. She was pretty distraught over it as she thought these guys truly were good platonic friends. I comforted her by pointing out that the guys that were still around hadn't Friendzoned themselves and actually viewed their relationship as platonic. I am sure a few of them were still orbiters but it was easier to pick out her true "friends".

 

And, make no mistake, a person doesn't place another one in the Friendzone; they do it to themselves. If I'm interested in someone romantically and the feelings aren't reciprocated, I either go on my merry way or I accept the platonic relationship.

 

I certainly don't keep in contact with them in the hopes that they'll suddenly wake up and realize that I'm the love of their life. That is just creepy and I view it as just a few steps shy of stalking.

 

Good solid common sense.

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I always have a chuckle at the victim style language which often precedes the word Friendzone. "She put me in the friendzone!"

 

She didn't *do* anything. She simply sees you as a mate.

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^ Like it says in that article, those guys think a woman owes them sex just because they've been nice to her. If she had sex with everyone who was nice to her, she'd be on her back all day with nearly everyone she passed on the street.

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OatsAndHall
maybe some of them are happy with a platonic friendship. In the real world guys like that will not stick around for long because in the end of the day they're not getting what they really want.

 

Thats exactly what I'm trying to avoid right now, spending time with a girl with out any prospect. If I don't see any hope and she's not a good friend then I might as well just walk away.

 

It's honestly not hard to pick out an orbiter when you run across them. Especially with the popularity of social media. I have a few female friends on Facebook who certainly have some Friend-zoned guys in their lives. These guys pay wayy too much attention to them on Facebook and it's pretty obvious that they are spending a large amount of time keeping up with these female friends of mine. They comment on and "like" on virtually every post these women put up and they ALWAYS have something to say about a selfie.

 

Some guys are completely content with a platonic relationship. I have several platonic relationships with women and I am completely content with our friendship. We chat back and forth here and there but I don't go out of my way to follow them around on social media. I have seen my fair share of guys hang-out in that friend-zone for a long time, hoping for a romantic relationship. I had a buddy that clung on for dear life for nearly six years with a woman. He didn't finally get a clue until she got married.

 

I only have one female friend that I actually dated. It was pretty evident early on that her and I couldn't date. But, we have great conversations and stay in touch. It's a Catch 22 with her; we can chat for hours because she has such a high energy level but we couldn't keep a relationship going because I live a much lower key lifestyle than she does.

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Here is how it works for me:

 

1. If I like a guy but we hang out and either he doesn't try to kiss me or tell me he likes me then I switch off any feelings of fancying him and transition into being platonic friends - I've never found this to be difficult.

 

Plus, if I do like a guy but he hasn't had the guts to display any romantic interest when he has it then he's not the type of man I'd want to date (which is why it's easy to turn off any feelings I might have).

I prefer guys who know what they want and go for it or at least make it obvious they are attracted so I have reasonable enough insight to ask them out knowing the response will be a positive one.

 

2. If I am not attracted in any physical way at all but we get on well then he starts out a friend and to me is just a friend.

If at some point much later he expresses romantic interest and I'm not feeling it then he is clearly looking for more than I can give and not a true platonic friend and therefore someone I would see less and less of as I would rather he be happy and find someone who likes him in that way because it won't ever be me,

 

3. There is another type of man too who will express nothing at all but friendship but then out in a group will cling to your side or make gestures that you're his property in some way which others pick up on. This I really don't like. It's manipulative and because he has not prior to this expressed any romantic interest to me it feels like my choice or my thoughts are irrelevant to him and it's just all about him and what he wants.

This 'friend' is dropped like a hot potato.

 

4. The friend who is a true friend only. Yeah, this happens too. Perhaps at one stage they might have had an interest in me romantically or vice versa but the friendship over a long period of time grows naturally and just becomes solid.

These guys stay as a friend. You love each other like brother and sister. neither one has pangs of jealousy when the other one dates or has relationships - instead the over- riding feeling is that you want to meet them and become friends too with the person they're dating. The person they're dating is of value to you too so they get respect and know for a fact from your actions that there is no threat whatsoever from you.

You can still be friends but also each one knows when to back off and let the other's new relationship grow.

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OatsAndHall

Here's my experience:

 

1. I have life-long female friends and we stay in touch here and there. Texting back and forth or the occasional round of coffee or dinner. There maybe something more between us then just friendship but it's not worth losing that friendship to pursue it. I had that kind of situation pop up recently and I'm trying to mend fences so we can get back to our friendship.

 

2. I date a woman and it doesn't work out for one reason or another. Whether or not decide to stay friends depends on several factors:

 

-I'm willing to remain friends if we get along well but there just wasn't a physical attraction between one or the both of us but we get along well and have good conversations.

 

-We'll stay friends if it didn't work out romantically because we have very different lifestyles but, again, we can chat and enjoy each other's company.

 

- I will not remain friends with a woman if it's obvious that our personalities clash. And, that's just common sense as I don't keep male friends if our personalities don't mesh.

 

-I won't be friends if they're not into me but I'm really attracted to them. I'm not taking they're lack of interest personally but I know myself and I could end up Friend-zoning myself in this situation. I've tried once over the last few years but I was couldn't ditch my attraction to them and I had that "IF SHE'D ONLY GIVE ME A CHANCE!!!" thought lingering in my head. I cut it off quickly as it was just pretty pathetic.

 

-And, finally, the obvious; the women don't want to remain friends with me for a variety of reasons.

 

3. I meet a woman randomly and there were no romantic over tones on the first place. We chat, get along, and have a light-hearted friendship. I work with a woman who I am pretty good friends with but it basically remains a work-friendship and we only keep in contact there.

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Here is how it works for me:

 

1. If I like a guy but we hang out and either he doesn't try to kiss me or tell me he likes me then I switch off any feelings of fancying him and transition into being platonic friends - I've never found this to be difficult.

 

Plus, if I do like a guy but he hasn't had the guts to display any romantic interest when he has it then he's not the type of man I'd want to date (which is why it's easy to turn off any feelings I might have).

I prefer guys who know what they want and go for it or at least make it obvious they are attracted so I have reasonable enough insight to ask them out knowing the response will be a positive one.

 

2. If I am not attracted in any physical way at all but we get on well then he starts out a friend and to me is just a friend.

If at some point much later he expresses romantic interest and I'm not feeling it then he is clearly looking for more than I can give and not a true platonic friend and therefore someone I would see less and less of as I would rather he be happy and find someone who likes him in that way because it won't ever be me,

 

3. There is another type of man too who will express nothing at all but friendship but then out in a group will cling to your side or make gestures that you're his property in some way which others pick up on. This I really don't like. It's manipulative and because he has not prior to this expressed any romantic interest to me it feels like my choice or my thoughts are irrelevant to him and it's just all about him and what he wants.

This 'friend' is dropped like a hot potato.

 

4. The friend who is a true friend only. Yeah, this happens too. Perhaps at one stage they might have had an interest in me romantically or vice versa but the friendship over a long period of time grows naturally and just becomes solid.

These guys stay as a friend. You love each other like brother and sister. neither one has pangs of jealousy when the other one dates or has relationships - instead the over- riding feeling is that you want to meet them and become friends too with the person they're dating. The person they're dating is of value to you too so they get respect and know for a fact from your actions that there is no threat whatsoever from you.

You can still be friends but also each one knows when to back off and let the other's new relationship grow.

 

Yeah, and no one should put up with a Number 3 (gemma's), male or female, because they don't have what it takes to be with you AND they're going to make sure no one else is either, and they're manipulative and controlling so if you DID get with them, they'd be a problem.

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It's a scam and like scams in other aspects of life there are always those, a never ending supply, who fall for the scam.

 

For the reverse of the usual gender roles, watch how a popular guy with groupies handles his orbiters, how he massages them and leads them on and plucks one now and again to satisfy his carnal desires then tosses them back into the paddock. It's simply the sexual version of the classic confidence scam.

 

In equitable and healthy relationships, the friendzone, the pejorative term, doesn't exist. People treat each other with decency and respect and, sure, some people are platonc and some are romantic but the boundaries are clearly drawn and with respect. It's the scammers who give rise to the pejorative term.

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https://www.buzzfeed.com/gracespelman/the-friend-zone-is-not-real-sorry-dude?utm_term=.dbqNPPMQnB#.dqqYLLlPX2

 

Personally I don't think its real. Friendship is something different. almost always its just another way of labeling rejection

 

I hope Im reading this thread correctly. I have always had more women for friends than guys. Some lines you just dont cross. Period.

 

I like to hang out with a gal that likes shared interests but I know better then to try goofy crap for a one time lap around the block. I did it with a friend in college and it ended in misery. She made the move on me because we were hanging out and drinking, and till this day I think about what that night did. Train wreck and I lost a good friend. Never again and as you get older you should be able to feel out a person better than when your in your 20s.

 

I have no idea.

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I thought some women in the end fall for a friend? They talk to a friend about their lives, like a confession. Somewhere down the line they get closer and then you have a foundation for a good relationship (up to marriage).

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I thought some women in the end fall for a friend? They talk to a friend about their lives, like a confession. Somewhere down the line they get closer and then you have a foundation for a good relationship (up to marriage).

 

I've fallen for someone who I met and who became a friend over a few months but it was clear from both sides there was a lot of attraction there and that it was growing over the few months I knew him.

 

I've never yet fallen for a long time male friend though and can't see that ever happening.

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OatsAndHall
I thought some women in the end fall for a friend? They talk to a friend about their lives, like a confession. Somewhere down the line they get closer and then you have a foundation for a good relationship (up to marriage).

 

I have seen this happen but it's been a rare occurrence, for any number of reasons.

 

I firmly believe the Friend-zone exists because of naivety from both sides. Many woman fail to recognize an orbiter and believe that these male "friends" truly believe in platonic relationships. It takes an orbiter doing something inappropriate or confessing their undying love for them to figure it all out. But, as I have pointed out before, social media makes it much easier for orbiters to hang around and cling to hope as they can stay somewhat involved in a woman's life at the touch of a button.

 

This is a generalization based on experience, but I have found that many men struggle with platonic relationships. Many men will just tap out of a situation when they realize there is no chance at a romantic relationship. Others will be attracted to a woman, one way or another, and will toss themselves into the Friend-zone. I s'pose there are varying levels of the Friend-zone. Some guys are comfortable with the platonic relationship but still hold hopes of a relationship at some point. Others are full-on "Ducky" (watch "Pretty In Pink") and have convinced themselves that, given time and communication, their female "friend" will come around and the feeling will be reciprocated.

 

At the end of the day, I think it is important for women to realize that the Friend-zone certainly does exist. I have had several relationships over the years where my significant other could not accept the fact that at least a few of their male "friends" were nothing more than creepy orbiters. Hell, one of them ended up with a stalker who went into her house and left baked goods for her while she was asleep. He was a long time "friend" that upped the anty when she became single. Yet she STILL couldn't see that there were plenty of guys that kept in touch with her for the wrong reasons.

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Cookiesandough

last couple dates I went on, after I told the guys I didn't think we were a match, they said "well I'd still like to be friends". I get a lot of that's probably just a buffer from being let down, but a lot of times that's just a method for guys to get in and try to change your mind. A sec ago you were trying to sleep with me.. there's no foundation for a friendship here

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I thought some women in the end fall for a friend? They talk to a friend about their lives, like a confession. Somewhere down the line they get closer and then you have a foundation for a good relationship (up to marriage).

 

Not usually. Usually if they confess to them and then find out the person was just pretending to be just a friend, they get mad and embarrassed and it ends the friendship. That scenario you mentioned is just in some movies but it rarely ever does anything but backfire in real life because women don't respect a fearful hestitant guy or one who pretends to be just their friend.

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