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My best friend or more?


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So am friends with a guy for nearly 5 years now. When we first met, we've been good friends but as time passed by, we just got even more closer(now that all my other friends are either married or moved out).

 

We have dated several people before , but nothing has really worked out for him or me. I took a break for quite sometime now, but he has been trying to date other people. What confuses me though, is that we hang out all the time, watch tv, cook food and eat together. I was hoping this would lead somewhere , but no luck so far. Or maybe not. There was this one instance where he tried getting intimate with me(I was hanging out with one other guy friend of mine and as soon as he left he just made a move on me). This was kind of unexpected, so couldn't reciprocate his feelings/actions. Time passed by and we never really talked about what happened that night.

 

However, we started hanging out all the time(I get to see him almost everyday after work and during weekends). We don't go out to movies or restaurants, but just stay home watching TV/movies or hanging out talking about anything/everything. He once took me to a concert, since he had a free ticket and none of his friends could join. Or atleast that's what I was told. I sometimes feel like he is so close to me, but at the same time feel very distant. Not sure if he thinks of me as his best friend(friend zoned) or if there is something more to it? Do guys typically hang out with a girl if there are not at all interested and merely for the sake of friendship?

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Typically they don't but it depends on the guy. It sounds like the only time he tried anything was right after he saw another guy with you. Trouble is we don't know what that means. Doesn't mean he doesn't really want you but he doesn't really want anyone else to have you? I mean some guys do just get competitive even when they don't mean it. It sounds like he has only taking you on one thing that could be considered a date and he didn't act like it was a date. So if he's interested in you he's real backward about knowing how to let you know that which is kind of contradicted by the fact you say he's dated other women. Certainly being turned down once can make a guy never try again but then his timing was terrible and not really fair or appropriate.

 

I can only add to things. One is all you guys do is sit around and it sounds boring so not sure what the attraction. But number two if you are attracted just ask him if he has any feelings Beyond friendship for you or tell him sometimes you think of him as your boyfriend except that he never asks you on a date or anything. Good luck **** how you do this supposed to post it

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Right, it's pretty boring and that's the very reason why I don't get it. He doesn't let me go out.....drops by my place and hangs out for hours. I sometimes go out just so I can avoid hanging out with him, but he keeps texting me asking if am home. There are several instances where, he does his own thing of working on computer and I'll be doing my own thing like watching TV. I don't know what to consider of him or this relationship. I almost feel like he is my boyfriend, considering how much time we spend together/having dinner lunch/hanging out my place for the whole day etc. Like I don't get it, when he is having to do his own work after coming to my place, why bother coming? There are times when he is irritated or annoyed with someone, he takes out all his anger on me. On the day before valentine's day, he talked about how he is feeling lonely and I didn't know if it meant something or if he was really feeling lonely and was just trying to share his problems as a friend.

 

I do like him very much, but whenever I see him expressing his frustration/anger towards me, I don't feel loved and never would like to express how I feel. I've tried avoiding him so many times, but he just doesn't give up. NO matter how many times i avoid answering his calls or say am out, he texts me back asking if am home. I feel guilty for avoiding him but then dont want to bring up my hopes when this can never lead to anything meaningful.

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You're going to have to tell him you're busy. Don't tell him details even if he asks. He texts, say "I'm busy." he texts back, ignore it. He texts and you tell him "Sorry already have plans. Got to go now." He asks what, just ignore him or challenge him and say "Why are you asking?"He's leaning and leeching on you and he's not nice and has that dangerous side, so I think you ought to start being "too busy" a lot. You can also say, "I'm too busy with things this week. Too busy to talk. I'll holler next week." So keep extending that time out further and further.

 

If he really corners you, be honest and tell him you feel you're spending too much time with him.

 

Also, just assume he's going to drive by and spy on you once you start avoiding, so don't answer the door.

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Thanks.

 

This is what I was doing earlier and he just keeps dropping by apartment buzzing my door continuously. And I thought it was much easier to hang out with him than avoiding him. I also felt like may be I was behaving immaturely by doing these acts of avoiding opening the door etc.

 

But probably I'd have to resume that phase of not answering the door, however immature it might sound or look like.

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