FWB fell for me but I rejected him and now I regret it

[summer1994]

So, long story short: I met this guy and we almost instantly agreed to become FWB with no strings attached. After a month or so, he became interested in me and confessed that he had caught feelings for me. I was alarmed by this and told him I just wanted to be FWB but explained that I had caught feelings too. I told him that I wasn't looking for a relationship because my last break-up was so painful.

 

We carried on as normal FWB for months after this but he became quite emotional and angry at me at times - he was clearly frustrated with having feelings for me which were not really returned. He would become angry if I was on a night out and wasn't texting him coherently (because I was drunk), and shout at me for little things. I'd like to add that he also suffers with ADHD and depression, so this didn't help things.

 

However, I found his behaviour towards me unattractive and it made me my feelings for him diminish. When I told him this, he was completely broken and devastated. He would cry to me on the phone all of the time and write long messages about how sorry he was for his behaviour and how he would change for me to try and win me back. I told him he should work on himself, but I wasn't interested in rekindling things again.

 

After a few months of not seeing him, we started to sleep with each other again and I'd realised he'd become much calmer and was starting to treat me better. After about six months of this, my feelings for him became flooding back and I realised I had made a mistake in initially rejecting him. So I told him this and he replied that the tables had turned, and he no longer has feelings for me because of the fact that he was able to use the months apart to get over me.

 

Now I'm the one with the strong feelings and wanting to be with him. He just wants to keep our friendship going, but I'm finding it hard to just be his friend. I'm leaving the country to study in America for a year now, and I just don't know whether I should keep contact with him while I'm there. I also don't know whether there is hope that his feelings for me may come back again.

 

I talk to this guy and see him almost every day. I'm the one he turns to when he's upset. We've become one another's best friends. And although we've been FWB for over a year, we've never been with anyone else at the same time. So, it's kind of been like a complicated relationship.

Edited July 8, 2017 by summer1994

[sweetgirl75]

I think it would be okay to stay in contact if it is not too hard on your heart. If it is too painful you may need to go no contact. Personally my FWB relationship was a train wreck. I will never be in one again. I fell hard for this one guy and he treated me like ****. I thought I could handle it and I wound up falling for him and he could care less about me. I had a mini stroke and they thought I had cancer at first and I just mentioned to him that I thought it would have been nice for him as my friend to come see me in the hospital and he got really pissed off. I called off our friendship and he said go ahead and throw me away like you do all your undesirables. He treated me like the undesirable. He said I was never pretty enough or good enough for his liking. I was always the side chick until something better came along. I think us ladies deserve a man who respects us and wants only one woman. Sorry I did not mean to vent. FWB are really difficult. They work great for some people but some are just too hard to work out because one develops feelings.

[SammySammy]

There's a lesson to be learned here:

 

Overly emotional guy = "unattractive"

 

Calm guy = "feelings for him flood back"

 

Same guy.

 

Pay attention young fellas. Stop all of this crying, begging, and emotional crap.

[Superchicken]

There's a lesson to be learned here:

 

Overly emotional guy = "unattractive"

 

Calm guy = "feelings for him flood back"

 

Same guy.

 

Pay attention young fellas. Stop all of this crying, begging, and emotional crap.

 

Left one out.

 

 

Non emotional guy... MARRIED !.

 

 

 

 

Ted.

[Imajerk17]

There's a lesson to be learned here:

 

Overly emotional guy = "unattractive"

 

Calm guy = "feelings for him flood back"

 

Same guy.

 

Pay attention young fellas. Stop all of this crying, begging, and emotional crap.

 

I agree with this and "liked" this post for that reason. ALSO though, keep in mind that this guy clearly had lots of problems, and OP still got with him sexually anyway. So I can see why it often seems that the guys on here who struggle with dating, end up so frustrated with the Self-Improvement advice hard-peddled around here. I mean, this guy did become more attractive when he bettered himself, but he was still able to get into a physical relationship with OP even when he had his serious issues--probably more than many of the dateless guys on here.

 

Getting back to the OP, it's hard to give advice because in the end, people are going to do what they want instead of taking advice from a bunch of strangers over the Internet. Your FWB might end up coming around again though, when YOU pull away (just as you seemed to be doing when HE became more independent himself).

[Shanex]

There's a lesson to be learned here:

 

Overly emotional guy = "unattractive"

 

Calm guy = "feelings for him flood back"

 

Same guy.

 

Pay attention young fellas. Stop all of this crying, begging, and emotional crap.

 

There was a thread somewhere ''the one who cares less has the power'', cruel and true.

[sandylee1]

If you're overly emotional where he's concerned and want more, I'd end it.

Added to that you're going to America and will have the opportunity to meet lots of guys, without dealing with the long distance relationship headache.

 

I'm sure it would have come to an end then anyway.

 

Stop providing the benefits and stick to being friends if you can.

 

I believe his clinginess would return in time anyway.