Lauwatchthestars Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 Hi everyone, I come from a different culture and over the last couple of years I've been trying to learn the "rules" and habits of dating in NYC. I have a hard time interpreting some of the signals and facts, and that's why I'm writing here. My question is about cuddling, spooning and acting affectionate in a FWB thing. Is it normal? Is it allowed? Does it indicate any form of affection/attachment beyond sex? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 You can do what you want with your FWB. Spoon, cuddle, go out together, buy each other gifts, etc. The problem is the more you blur the lines between FWB and a relationship, the more you will have to reinforce that is just a FWB arrangement. Which means you'll be sending mixed messages. Creating an environment where one or both of you are likely to catch feelings. Which is usually the death of a FWB. That's why most people keep things clean and neat. Simple. But, if you think you and your friend can handle the extra emotions, go for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauwatchthestars Posted July 5, 2017 Author Share Posted July 5, 2017 Thanks a lot for your answer! I've just realized one thing, though. It sounds like FWB also requires a talk where both people agree to it. But what about 2 people who meet tonhave sex regularly but don't have that talk? Is there another name for that?! Link to post Share on other sites
Tribble Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 Thanks a lot for your answer! I've just realized one thing, though. It sounds like FWB also requires a talk where both people agree to it. But what about 2 people who meet tonhave sex regularly but don't have that talk? Is there another name for that?! Don't get so hung up on rules and labels. FWB is just friends, with benefits. Which means you're not in a relationship, you are just friends but you get some benefits. Each arrangement is entirely different. Some people just have sex, some have a plus one to events, some hook up when they're drunk, some are exclusive, some cuddle, etc. etc. etc. There isn't always a conversation either. Having a conversation is generally a good idea because it sets the parameters of what each person is comfortable with and reduces (but my no means eliminates) the chances of someone getting hurt. The question is, what do you want from this arrangement and are you getting it? Reading between the lines, I'd guess you have a FWB that you hope is developing into something more. Am I right? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauwatchthestars Posted July 5, 2017 Author Share Posted July 5, 2017 Hi Tribble, Thanks for your message. I get hung up on rules and labels just because from what I read on loveshack and my attempts on the field, I have the impression dating has a lot of rules that I'm not familiar with (in Italy we don't have to have the exclusive talk for example etc). Anyway, to answer your question, that is not really what's happening. What happened is the person I hooked up for a few nights in a row has completely disappeared from one day to the next which has left me quite surprised for a number of reasons, one of which the fact he was very affectionate and not just "let's-have-sex-and-get-outta-here" type of guy. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 Not everything has to be labeled. FWB runs the gamut in how the two people involved participate in it. If you are enjoying what you have going on, keep doing it. If you want something more, tell the other person. Every relationship is unique. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 If it feels good, do it. The only boundary with FWB is not becoming romantically involved and desirous of upgrading to a romantic relationship - unless both want that. To me, a FWB is a real friend, and I'll do things with them and socialize with them even when it does not involve sex. Dinner, a movie, a day trip, hanging with friends - all are fine. Sex is fine - usually great! But not falling in love, or shutting down that feeling if it starts to arise, in order to maintain the status quo. Only if you develop feelings that you cannot control - or that prevent you from seeking love elsewhere - creates a problem that indicate you should end/exit the FWB scenario. Even then, you can often remain friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 Cuddling and spooning doesn't mean attachment or feelings beyond the FWB relationship. My last FWB was the most tender, affectionate man before, during, and after sex. He spooned me when we fell asleep. His feelings for me were no more than that for a friend (which I knew..it was reciprocal). Affection and attraction do NOT mean attachment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauwatchthestars Posted July 5, 2017 Author Share Posted July 5, 2017 Cuddling and spooning doesn't mean attachment or feelings beyond the FWB relationship. My last FWB was the most tender, affectionate man before, during, and after sex. He spooned me when we fell asleep. His feelings for me were no more than that for a friend (which I knew..it was reciprocal). Affection and attraction do NOT mean attachment. Thanks! That's exactly the answer I was looking for Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy69 Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 FWB almost always ends where one starts getting attached and then the plan falls apart. Just be honest up front and let your partner know they are only a booty call. Don't let them spend the night. Hit it and quit it / pump n dump etc. Need any advice on how to play this right? Just ask any guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauwatchthestars Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 FWB almost always ends where one starts getting attached and then the plan falls apart. Just be honest up front and let your partner know they are only a booty call. Don't let them spend the night. Hit it and quit it / pump n dump etc. Need any advice on how to play this right? Just ask any guy. Thanks for the new vocabulary! Lol Actually I don't think spending the night is a bad idea if you want to hit it and quit it/ pump n dump also in the morning! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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