Well, no wonder we guys can confuse women

[Chilli]

l feel really bad now.

Last wkend l saw somebody in a shop that really knocked my socks off. She helped me with stuff l was buying and ok guilty, we flirted a bit and were brushing against each other and stuff and , well , l may have been drooling, ahh, just a bit haha.

l wanted to ask right then and there for her number as we were chatting and giggling like a couple of little kids. But truth is l was still a little confused because l'd only just split with gf 5 or 6wks ago and l wasn't expecting to bump into someone like this so soon and, l'm still figuring out my head and heart of course.

So l didn't ask her, thinking no no , hold up there chilli, your in no state to go jumping back into the fry pan just yet .

 

But l must admit , all wk she;s been on my mind and all wk l've thought to hell with it l'm going back this wkend and damn it l'm asking for her number.

Well, this morning l did.

The place is really busy and pretty sorta cramped in and l saw her straight away over the back doing some stuff ,through other heads and people. l'm pretty sure she pricked up and looked happy l'd turned up as it was nearly closing time. l'm pretty sure she must've thought about me all wk to and we both had the exact same look as our eyes connected through the crowd.

 

But , she looked different , totally different. She didn't look the same as last wk , nothing like it in fact, weird. But straight away l thought to myself oh , sh@t , no no , l don't really wanna ask her out she looks so different this wk and l don't really like her look very much really.

So that was it . l walked around a bit and browsed at some stuff , l could see her looking out the corner of my eye and probably thinking ok, wtf are you stalling get your ass over here man, but then l left.

l feel so bad now , l'm as sure as l could be l read her right and she'd, like me , probably been thinking about us all wk too and hoping l came back, just like l was. So l turn up but wth do l do, leave again 5mins later without saying a word.

But, she was just so different, l just couldn't see it today.

And so l left.

Ha, she'll probably throw something at me next time l walk in. So to the girl in the shop, l'm really sorry about that

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Awwww. Well, that sucks. I remember your post about her. Kinda funny how that happened....what specifically about her "look" was different this time around?

[Chilli]

Yeah it was really weird. l mean you girls can change your look so easily, l can't even describe what it was.

Funny ,1/2 the time l hardly recognize my own daughter she changes her look so often.

 

But l dunno , her hair was different, her face looked different , everything looked totally different. Not really for the worse , she still looked really nice but suddenly she just didn't look like my type anymore .

l'm sure she'll be cussing me out right now to one of her friends.

[basil67]

Not really for the worse , she still looked really nice but suddenly she just didn't look like my type anymore .

 

It's sad that her different (and not unattractive!) look overrode your attraction to her personality. Oh well, probably no loss....I guess the emotional link between the two of you wasn't that strong after all.

[Chilli]

Apologies for this thread ending up in this section, l must have messed that up but l can't shift it now l guess.

[Popsicle]

This is a good start though.

[Chilli]

It's sad that her different (and not unattractive!) look overrode your attraction to her personality. Oh well, probably no loss....I guess the emotional link between the two of you wasn't that strong after all.

 

 

Yeah that's a big point. lt was her personality l loved as much as anything and that would've still been the same.

hmm, no l'm confused.

[CC12]

I do think it's a bit strange that you felt a good connection, have been thinking about her all week, purposely went back in to her place of business to get her number/ask her out...and then you don't like the way she looks so you don't even talk to her. Seems pretty shallow.

 

Or maybe you just chickened out and are now blaming it on her looks so you don't have to admit to yourself that you failed.

[SammySammy]

Have to strike when the iron is hot. If it doesn't work out later, then so be it.

 

Both of you would probably feel better if you had asked her out on the intial signs of interest.

 

Lesson learned. Just take action next time and let the chips fall where they may.

[Chilli]

Hmm , yeah. l know it must sound weird. But nope l act light hearted to keep it light hearted but l actually have more depth than most and that's why. Not only do l know that anyway but people usually figure that out in the end and actually tell me my depth is scary sometimes, my daughters the same , except she's also very psychic so she can really freak people out if she chooses too.

 

But you see , this was actually thing. l know it when l'll click with people , it is a looks thing but it's not about their looks , it's about the personality and vibe and peoples look and face show that, well to me anyway and l'm usually right , l've learnt to trust it over the years. That doesn't mean l'm closed , l leave it open , but when it comes to someone new at this stage in my life , no way ,l'll go with what l feel.

And l dunno , suddenly she felt wrong.

 

But hey , l'm going back again anyway , just to make sure :laugh:

And yeah ,l probably should've still gone talked to her, just kick here

Edited June 24, 2017 by Chilli

[CC12]

What specifically changed in her looks between the first time you saw her and the last? I'm trying to understand your perspective.

[Chilli]

Have to strike when the iron is hot. If it doesn't work out later, then so be it.

 

Both of you would probably feel better if you had asked her out on the intial signs of interest.

 

Lesson learned. Just take action next time and let the chips fall where they may.

 

 

 

Yeah right. tbh , now l do regret it. l should've just gone with the first time , my first thoughts in anything are usually the right ones.

fkkk.

[Chilli]

What specifically changed in her looks between the first time you saw her and the last? I'm trying to understand your perspective.

 

 

Well , now remember l'm male and the things you girls can do is often a mystery to me so if l describe wrong or wrong terms , don't worry about it.

But her hair, for a start , was twice as long this week and it was a different color. Maybe she got extensions through the week. l dunno , how else does hair get twice as long in a wk.

And l love longer hair actually , it's my fav' , but it completely changed her, she didn't feel the same. last wk it was short but sorta cropped around at the lower neck so really thick and yummy. she looked like a different person.

And she had make up this wk , that felt really weird too. l actually love make up too , l think it's so sexy , but last wk she was natural and so although she actually still looked really nice this week , she just seemed like totally different.

l just didn't feel it, can't explain.

Edited June 24, 2017 by Chilli

[basil67]

On changing looks: Both my daughter and I have different looks from day to day. Being able to change how we present to the world is one of the bonuses of being a woman. There's so much choice and changing it up is a lot of fun. As for the hair, it's most likely a wig of some kind.

 

What you've found here is a woman who has fun changing her look. Next time you go, she might be dressed 50's glam or androgynous or indie style. If you want to ask her out again but have to explain today's disappearing act, I'd tell her that her chameleon style initially threw you, but you now think it's awesome.

 

Good luck.

[Chilli]

On changing looks: Both my daughter and I have different looks from day to day. Being able to change how we present to the world is one of the bonuses of being a woman. There's so much choice and changing it up is a lot of fun. As for the hair, it's most likely a wig of some kind.

 

What you've found here is a woman who has fun changing her look. Next time you go, she might be dressed 50's glam or androgynous or indie style. If you want to ask her out again but have to explain today's disappearing act, I'd tell her that her chameleon style initially threw you, but you now think it's awesome.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Yeah and you see, l love that l think it's really cool but man it can really throw me sometimes.

l'm not kidding , sometimes l hardly tell my own daughter or if l passed the ex l was with 20yrs in the street l could well not even recognize her.

Anyway , not saying l read faces , it's not like that, although l have a friend that can read faces but l dunno , it's just about what l feel.

But now you guys have me thinking l've effd up just because she changed her look , andddd, she still looked really nice anyway.

 

And thanks for that, if l do then l'll try that. God knows l'd better say something about it, but do you think she'd give me another chance after today ?

l may have to squirm.

[Chilli]

Would she think l'm a creepy stalker now if l turned up again next wk. ?

[elaine567]

Sounds like when you met her first she had a natural look that seemed "real" and you were highly attracted to her.

Now her hair is fake, her hair colour has changed and she is wearing obvious make up. She is now no longer just the natural girl you had a laugh with, she is something else. Something you didn't like so much.

 

A bit like being attracted to a guy in jeans and a t-shirt with long hair and a cool and relaxed beach vibe about him to find later he has cut his hair and he now shows up in a designer suit.

He is still the same guy but the whole effect is vastly different and for those who are into guys with long hair and a "I live on the beach" vibe, the entire illusion can be shattered and the attraction gone.

Who exactly is he?

Which one is the real him?

 

I know many women like to mess about with styles and looks, but it can be confusing, especially for men, who often have a "type".

Yes, it should be all about personality and looks should be secondary, but many people have an idea of the person they want to be seen out with and if that person looks to the world like one person one day and a completely different person the next then it can be difficult to ascertain who they really are?

[elaine567]

Would she think l'm a creepy stalker now if l turned up again next wk. ?

As she works in retail, then I guess they get loads of people who show up in the shop week after week, with no ulterior motive, they are just there browsing or buying stuff.

You feel especially awkward as you know you are only there to see her.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well , now remember l'm male and the things you girls can do is often a mystery to me so if l describe wrong or wrong terms , don't worry about it.

But her hair, for a start , was twice as long this week and it was a different color. Maybe she got extensions through the week. l dunno , how else does hair get twice as long in a wk.

And l love longer hair actually , it's my fav' , but it completely changed her, she didn't feel the same. last wk it was short but sorta cropped around at the lower neck so really thick and yummy. she looked like a different person.

And she had make up this wk , that felt really weird too. l actually love make up too , l think it's so sexy , but last wk she was natural and so although she actually still looked really nice this week , she just seemed like totally different.

l just didn't feel it, can't explain.

 

And you're sure it was her? Maybe she's a twin!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Would she think l'm a creepy stalker now if l turned up again next wk. ?

 

Isn't it a window blinds store? It might be weird unless you truly are outfitting all of the windows in your home with new blinds.

[Chilli]

Isn't it a window blinds store? It might be weird unless you truly are outfitting all of the windows in your home with new blinds.

 

 

Nah ,they've got all kinds of other stuff too.. Actually today l found these really nice draws, might have to buy them l think.

lf they're still there next wk l could buy the draws and at the same time re assess the women situation, wonder if she'd serve me this time, hmmm, doubt it now.

 

Actually , about the draws. This Asian chic liked them to and she came up and we just happened to end up talking about them,.

Hmm, that was probably not a real good thing considering l didn't talk to the other one.

That's it, she'll be in hate with me anyway now.

[preraph]

I think what happened is you really loved her personality and got real caught up in her and hopefully she you as well. But that was from talking to her. Now you went back, all you're doing is looking at her body/face and not letting yourself enjoy her personality. This might really be someone right for you if you liked her so much at the time that it made you forget she wasn't your ideal body type. That's some powerful mojo. I would go back and interact with her again.

[Chilli]

Thank Preragh.

Actually l dunno , because she's very pretty and sure has one nice body .

And she was still really pretty when l saw her saturday , probably prettier in fact , but at the same time she just looked like a different person. But it was a bit like alaine was saying , the first one and the only one l knew was like the natural lay back jeans and T shirt , really easy going , and very cute , but the new look just looked so different..

Probably should have at least talked to her anyway.

Edited June 25, 2017 by Chilli

[basil67]

Chilli, I just noticed that you're Aussie too. Regarding my previous advice I gave about what to say, make sure to infuse it with a bit of self depreciating humour about what you did. Nothing more endearing than a guy who can laugh at himself.

[preraph]

I can see how that could happen. You draw certain conclusions about people and first impression is very important. And so there was attraction, and then next time, she didn't have the same thing going on so it was confusing. I mean, everyone sometimes goes out without makeup and nice clothes, but honestly, this is a good example of why you shouldn't if you're trying to meet someone. Just maintain a representation of how you really are, but your best self and just know that who is attracted depends a lot on how you present yourself.

 

Also, you might have just been feeling flirty that first time and it being a relief to have a go at a woman and probably felt good and nice she reciprocated. But maybe you're just not quite there yet.