Come Give Me A Hug Meaning

[OctEmber]

If a (casual) friend that you've known for years is not a hugger or the PDA type and he says to you to "come give me a hug" in front of several other people, would you think it's a little weird? Let me also add that you and said friend have never had any physical contact up until this hug. He claimed the hug was a thank you for a small thing I'd done for him, but in normal circumstances a simple thank you would've been more than enough. There was no need to go for a hug in my opinion.

 

I did give him the hug even though it really surprised me that he would "demand" one. It was a nice hug. I wanted to melt in his arms. I don't remember much of it other than feeling skin to skin (arms) and that I had time to think about resting my chin on his shoulder which I did so it lasted long enough to do that. Will he view my chin rest on his shoulder as my being interested (which I am)? I can feel a strong tension between us, but fully admit it may just be on me. I really have no idea how he feels about me, but could this have been his way of breaking the touch barrier with me?

 

I know it's a "just" a hug, but to me a hug is an intimate act. I grew up in a non hugging family for me it's very personal when I choose to give them out. I'm still not quite used to it and give them very, very sparingly. Are they really no big deal for the majority of people?

 

I also know the only way to know the true intention is to ask him, but I'm not ready to ask yet. I'd like input from others before I go ahead and hit him with it.

[basil67]

Normally, I wouldn't think much of it. But given the tension between you and how long it lasted, it could well have been about breaking the touch barrier - especially if the hug wasn't one of those 'lean in from a distance' types.

 

The only other thought I have is to wonder if he's going through any emotional issues. Some people find a good hug very soothing. But the fact he came to you for it bodes well.

[preraph]

I don't know if it was anything or not, but do not ask him. If he has something for you, he will keep doing stuff.

[OctEmber]

Normally, I wouldn't think much of it. But given the tension between you and how long it lasted, it could well have been about breaking the touch barrier - especially if the hug wasn't one of those 'lean in from a distance' types.

 

The only other thought I have is to wonder if he's going through any emotional issues. Some people find a good hug very soothing. But the fact he came to you for it bodes well.

Unfortunately I can't remember how we were positioned. I know that I didn't intentionally hold back. I didn't have time to react or think about how close we should or shouldn't be. I just went in for the hug. I feel as though we were close and not A-Frame.

 

He has seemed very happy this last while so I'm not sure that going through emotional issues would be it, but I suppose it is a possibility.

 

I don't know if it was anything or not, but do not ask him. If he has something for you, he will keep doing stuff.

So, what would you recommened? Just act as if the hug never happened? Like, don't even bring it up? If he does like me, would this be a "ball is in my court" type of situation where I need to make the next move or do I try waiting for him?

[JohnM]

There is no preset routine of person 1 makes a move, person 2 makes a move, person 1 makes a move.

 

If you want to test the waters then why not, this doesn't have to mean you outright ask him. Most people naturally don't go in the deep end with declarations of feelings.

 

It is nice that you had a physically contact moment together that you shared. I guess clinically viewing it; if it was a non romantically linked friend this had happened with instead was there any signifier in the action that you would have suddenly gone "Oh this other person might like me; never had that vibe before!"?

 

You are interested in him so I would promote finding out if he is too. You can do so gently and in steps where you are not at any major risk of embarrassing yourself. Have you been out together with just the two of you before?

[OctEmber]

There is no preset routine of person 1 makes a move, person 2 makes a move, person 1 makes a move.

 

If you want to test the waters then why not, this doesn't have to mean you outright ask him. Most people naturally don't go in the deep end with declarations of feelings.

 

It is nice that you had a physically contact moment together that you shared. I guess clinically viewing it; if it was a non romantically linked friend this had happened with instead was there any signifier in the action that you would have suddenly gone "Oh this other person might like me; never had that vibe before!"?

 

You are interested in him so I would promote finding out if he is too. You can do so gently and in steps where you are not at any major risk of embarrassing yourself. Have you been out together with just the two of you before?

That's the problem. He's been a very difficult guy to figure out. At times I thought he did like me, but then at times he basically ignores me and is cold and really distant like he doesn't want to get close to me. He's also not one to give out random compliments from what I've seen, but he did compliment one of my features several weeks ago. After that compliment he went cold again for a few weeks. Sometimes I wonder if he's confused about how he feels about me which might explain the hot / cold attitude. I don't know, do guys really act that way?

 

The hug incident just really caught me off guard. I wish I'd been expecting it as I would've made more of an effort to make it more memorable for him. I was just shocked and wasn't thinking. I probably felt like hugging a wet noodle. If this was a "trial run" for him, I hope I didn't turn him off.

[JohnM]

Perhaps he is anxious/insecure. That could lead to him feeling bold enough to be flirty and compliment but then retreat in case in doing so he is doing so with a connection that is unreciprocated.

 

I can only speak for myself and not all guys, but generally if I like someone that doesn't change. The only thing that would later that is if the something came to light to changed my perception of someone. A change of attitude, previously unseen negative personality traits. Over time perceptions of interest can indeed change, but if it has been a decent amount of time you have known one another your thoughts on each other should be fairly settled by now.

 

Did you respond positively to his compliment so he knew it was accepted and liked? It all sounds very cagey to me. He could quite easily be in the same boat as you are and wonders if you like him.

[OctEmber]

Yes, of course! I thanked him for the compliment! I was flattered and it made me feel really good to hear such nice words from him.

 

I do wonder if he and I are both at a standstill wondering what the other thinks. Like I said in my initial post I can certainly feel tension between us. I feel as though we have strong chemistry. I've liked him for some time now and have picked up on things that have made me think he may like me in that way, but as a girl who doesn't really have a lot of dating experience I could totally be seeing things in a favorable way because I want to see things that way. His hot/cold attitude is also worrisome to me which is why I'm having such a hard time acting on it.

 

What would you suggest in terms of letting him know how I feel without really coming out too strong or too blatant? When we hugged I remember resting my chin on my shoulder. It truly felt like home to me. I don't know how men think so I don't know if he would've picked up my doing that or if he'd read it as a sign of my wanting to be more intimate with him. I'm honestly happy to have had the touch barrier broken though! I've been much too shy to do anything myself. With the tension I've felt it almost seemed as though we were both avoiding making contact up until the hug. Maybe that was the beginning of something, time will tell for sure.

[d0nnivain]

Unfortunately So, what would you recommened? Just act as if the hug never happened? Like, don't even bring it up? If he does like me, would this be a "ball is in my court" type of situation where I need to make the next move or do I try waiting for him?

 

Don't bring it up. Talking about it will be odd. You know it happened. So does he.

 

The ball remains in his court. You can & should flirt to let him know you would be receptive.

 

 

What would you suggest in terms of letting him know how I feel without really coming out too strong or too blatant? * * * I'm honestly happy to have had the touch barrier broken though! I've been much too shy to do anything myself. With the tension I've felt it almost seemed as though we were both avoiding making contact up until the hug. Maybe that was the beginning of something, time will tell for sure.

 

Continue to break the touch barrier. Just be subtle, but brush his arm. Pick imaginary lint off him. Compliment a new hair cut by touching his head. Offer to put sun screen on him if you're out or get him to put some on you.

[JohnM]

Just making sure. As long as you are giving him positive signs to the things he is doing then you are doing the right things to encourage him.

 

You don't need dating experience really, it is just interpersonal skills. You seem to be able to read things and have the logic to balance out going overboard and reading too much into them being romantic so your judgement skills seem good to me.

 

d0nnicain's suggestion was good, it is easy to introduce subtle physical touches. Fix up his ruffled clothes, those sorts of trivial things build up. Other than that your other avenue is your words; a mighty weapon. Compliment his clothes or actions, build up your own little in jokes and basically make an environment in which you can both open up.

 

As I mentioned earlier how much time do you have where it has been just two of you together?

[MeadowFlower]

Any updates OP?