victoria88 Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 (edited) Hello all, I am in love for a year and a half in a man. I asked him to have a cup of coffee with me and after 2-3 weeks (or more) he came. 2-3 weeks because he postponed once and then did not show up once (he said he was sick at home), then he wanted me to postpone for a 3rd time and I decided that he did not want to come... after 9 days of silence I spontaneously decided to invite him ONE LAST TIME -this was the day when he came... This was my 1st conversation ever with him (for 20 minutes), he is very pleasant, very kind, very positive and very polite, around 40 years old, very confident in himself, very handsome too. I asked him to talk to me again (coffee for 30 minutes) he said in 2-3 weeks (first week he has a lot of work, the 2nd one he travels, then the 3rd one he can). He did not specify one day, he said he will let me know... What is this??? What do you think? Does he want to see me again or is he playing with me? I am confused . One more question: Why are men so difficult? p.s. If this is allowed I want to give a link to a True Love Story lasting for more than 30 years...I have no words except for wishing everyone the same Luck (=called True Love). [] Edited May 7, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted commercial link ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 Oh Dear. Maybe it's the language thing but if you have only had a cup of coffee with this man once, recently, you haven't been in love with him for 1.5 years. At best you have had a crush on him but he didn't know you existed. If the feeling had been mutual, he wouldn't have been so reluctant to come over & he wouldn't have taken 3 weeks to actually show up. His non committal response to making a future date is a sign that he is not as interested in you as you are in him. I am not optimistic that this will work out for you. Nevertheless, I wish you well. Do not beg. Do not chase. The man knows how to get in touch with you. If he wants to see you again he will reach out. Silence means he's not interested. Don't embarrass yourself by forcing him to say the words. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 Unfortunately, he may not be as into you as you are to him. If he were, he'd not be postponing repeatedly and going silent for nine days. I'm afraid you're in for disappointment, or worse. Please understand that this is not love, it's infatuation. Please be careful and don't let him take unfair advantage just because you're available. Link to post Share on other sites
Author victoria88 Posted May 7, 2017 Author Share Posted May 7, 2017 If he were, he'd not be postponing repeatedly and going silent for nine days. I just want to explain that I was silent for 9 days because he postponed twice and I thought he did not want to come... Then I spontaneously decided one more time to invite him (one last time), then he came... Thank you for your advice! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 I'm sorry, but he's just not interested. If he were, he'd ask you out. He knows you like him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author victoria88 Posted May 7, 2017 Author Share Posted May 7, 2017 I'm sorry, but he's just not interested. If he were, he'd ask you out. He knows you like him. Just to mention I do not expect anyone to ask me out after 1 conversation only. He will seem not very serious about his decision. I believe it takes a few conversations to know someone. For example in countries where women ask the men out, I would try to speak to the man a few times, just to know him a bit better. I guess this is valid for very reasonable, modest and cautious women (thinking about having a relationship with the man). I can imagine that only a very experienced women just looking for adventures (not really a relationship) would invite a man the first time she sees him (to go out)... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 (edited) It means he is not interested. Don't invite him for coffee again your wasting your time. If he were the least bit interested he would jump at the chance to have a cup of coffee with you and get to know you better. He doesn't want to. Edited May 7, 2017 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
johngalt1149 Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 That's a FWB if anything. Don't you think if he really was interested it would be a priority. He's just being cordial. I he was attracted, interested, thinking of long term-you'd already be an item. I do it all the time, put people off with excuses for when I am lonely and don't have an alternative. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 If he was physically attracted to you, he'd be all over you taking advantage of the fact that you like him. Link to post Share on other sites
jjgitties Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 Just to mention I do not expect anyone to ask me out after 1 conversation only. He will seem not very serious about his decision. I believe it takes a few conversations to know someone. For example in countries where women ask the men out, I would try to speak to the man a few times, just to know him a bit better. I guess this is valid for very reasonable, modest and cautious women (thinking about having a relationship with the man). I can imagine that only a very experienced women just looking for adventures (not really a relationship) would invite a man the first time she sees him (to go out)... I don't know where you are from. It sounds like maybe there is a language and cultural barrier of some sort between my world and yours. But in case it helps... if a woman I found attractive and liker would ask me out for a coffee, I would be flattered, I would drop any arrangements I had, and I would go out for a coffee with her to try to get to know her. If a woman I was not interested in asked me out for coffee, I would make up all sorts of excuses to not go out and have a coffee with her and avoid to get to know her better. The reason I would do that is because it's rude to tell people flat out they you don't find them the least bit interesting or attractive. I am not saying thats the case here, I am just trying to state how and what I would do in a situation like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author victoria88 Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 Hello, I have a very simple question: Is it a good idea to tell a man that I am in love with him? Should I first ask him if he has a girlfriend? Or can I say it and then wait to see his reaction? Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 If you don't know him well enough to know if he has a gf it's probably not a good idea. Date first. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Hello, I have a very simple question: Is it a good idea to tell a man that I am in love with him? Should I first ask him if he has a girlfriend? Or can I say it and then wait to see his reaction? Who is this man to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author victoria88 Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 I am not talking about a boyfriend. We are just friends for now. I am not sure but I think he does not have a girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Is it a good idea to tell a man that I am in love with him? Should I first ask him if he has a girlfriend? Or can I say it and then wait to see his reaction? It's a wonderful idea to tell somebody you are in a relationship with that you love them if that is how you feel about them. In your scenario it's a colossally bad idea to announce out of the blue to some random friend who may not realize you even exist beyond as a buddy that you love him. To make such an announcement telegraphs the painful truth that if you could say something like this that you have no idea what love actually is. If you are not his GF, telling him you love him will send him fleeing from you with good reason. Such an announcement is waaaayyyy outside the bounds of conventional romance. DO NOT DO THIS! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author victoria88 Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 Thank you for your advice! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 I am not talking about a boyfriend. We are just friends for now. I am not sure but I think he does not have a girlfriend. Make things simple: Find out first if he has a girlfriend. Telling him you love him is akin to toothpaste not going back in the tube once out. It may forever change how he perceives you--depending upon where he is in his life, especially if he's not boyfriend material to you (and more especially if he's harboring feelings for you of which you're unaware). Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 OP: Are you a teenager? Why don't you just flirt with him to test the water? If you want to be forward, you can ask him out on a date. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Hello, I have a very simple question: Is it a good idea to tell a man that I am in love with him? I was, jokingly, but perhaps with a grain of seriousness, going to say 'only if you're single' because, well, due to the number of married ladies who have so shared this with me but, then..... Should I first ask him if he has a girlfriend? Yep, determine the girlfriend/wife thing much earlier than ILY and any emotional attachment. BTDT, got the purple hearts. Or can I say it and then wait to see his reaction? You can, sure, or wait for him, or anything you feel like. Usually, if all is healthy, this stuff progresses pretty seamlessly and feels natural. Link to post Share on other sites
Author victoria88 Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 Ok, I asked a general question in this thread. I prefer to find another answer first : if he has a girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Ok, I asked a general question in this thread. I prefer to find another answer first : if he has a girlfriend. Actually, the answer you need to find first is if you want this man as your lover because saying this to him may put him in that mindset. If you all you want is to remain friends with him, girlfriend or no, I wouldn't say that to him. There are other ways of conveying that you care deeply for someone without saying "I love you". Those words come with expectations for some people. Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 (edited) I think you wait until you know him better. and do find out for sure on the g/f issue. After finding out about the g/f issue, you can ask him on a date. Nothing wrong with asking, but you may not want to tell him the love you have for him on the first date. wait a little time after a period of time of dating and then you can tell him. At that time I hope he responds with the same. Edited May 17, 2017 by harrybrown edit Link to post Share on other sites
Author victoria88 Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 (edited) I would like to have a relationship with him if he wants this too, but I want to talk to him and to know more about him and his private life (to find out if he has a girlfriend). I am not impulsive just unexperienced (it is quite difficult to take the best decision when I have no experience with men, so I ask here in the forum and my friends too...) I do not want anyone to get hurt (me or him) or to be misunderstood. Thank you for the opinions. Edited May 17, 2017 by victoria88 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 You must see that you really do not know this man, so you can't possibly really love him. You are in love with love or with the man you hope he is. But you don't know him even well enough to know the basics. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author victoria88 Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 (edited) You must see that you really do not know this man, so you can't possibly really love him. You are in love with love or with the man you hope he is. But you don't know him even well enough to know the basics. You must understand that I know the difference between being in love with love and being in love with this man. YES I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM (the blue eyed)! -I will explain how I feel you tell me what this is: 1) I think about him every day since the 1st day saw him; 2) I do not stop to think about him 3) I am happy just to see him (just to say HI) 4) the days when I do not see him I miss him 5) If he ingores me it hurts, if he talks to me I am in heaven 6) When he is laughing or smilling I am happy, when he is sad I wonder what is wrong... 7) My hearts beats quickly when he is around me... How is this all called if not love? Well, I really do not know everything about him, but i want to... So, we can be just friends or have a relationship. (it is up to him) I think people must be friends first then have a relationship. p.s. I am a very different girl (different from the others). p.s. 2: Sometimes people need years to know everything about someone. When do you consider you know someone good enough? After 1 week of talking to him, a month, a year? p.s. 3: I need a few conversations and I will know enough about him... Edited May 17, 2017 by victoria88 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts