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Not sure what happened.


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Hello friends. I'm sorry about this long story. I'm just processing this.

 

Six months ago, an acquaintance (we have mutual friends and we met a couple of years ago) started writing to me and talking to me. When we met, we were both in relationships, but he said he always felt a pull toward me, and now he's single (he was single 6 months in January and so was I) so he can act on it. He and I began an exchange that was fun and flirty and smart and he kept writing and talking to me constantly. He's a musician, always traveling, and incredibly, unbelievably busy. I like my alone time and my space so this was nice. Initially we were saying we both liked the other and wanted to start some sort of FWB situation (or, lovers, really). We became closer---all at his doing. He began to talk to me more and more, about personal things, very personal things. I was in no way anxious or needy----I didn't feel any of those. I just liked talking to my friend, I liked listening to him.

 

One morning I woke up, and at around 2 or 3 am, he sent the most vulnerable message.....About his career and his life, his future. I listened to him and talked to him when he needed it. I gave him space and then he was back, like the puppy that he is. These conversations became deeper and deeper. He is exceptionally talented, and I am supportive and interested in his career. (I am a musician too, that's how we met.) He began talking to me when he was on the road.

 

He came over one night when he was in town (he shuttles back and forth) and wanted to sleep with me. Not a hookup; comfort. He said I was magic and he kept kissing me and kissing me. He was so exhausted and I told him to sleep. He came back a couple of nights later, and....the same thing happened, he kept kissing me, and he....performed oral sex (sorry) and then kept kissing me and kissing me and saying "You're so pretty, you're so pretty." He rubbed his nose on my nose. I told him to sleep.

 

Later that week, he had a run-in with an ex-girlfriend, and he wanted to talk to me about it; he said I was who he wanted to talk to. I realized I felt some stirring of feelings for him, but I was able to listen....it wasn't about getting back together with her, it was about how damaging and damning it was, and he'd gotten past it (it was quite some time ago, maybe 7 or 8 years ago), and she'd contacted him recently. He said he was okay with it because he didn't feel anything, and asked her a question about a song or something and she just lit into him again, and he felt that all the work he did fell apart, that maybe he was this horrible person. And then he was angry she didn't take any responsibility. He'd said a few times that he'd gone from relationship to relationship and how he didn't want to do that again (not directed at me, just in general...I've never brought it up, except to say to him that I'm happy to be his friend and a friend he wants to have sex with). I said that was wise. I talked to him all day, and he felt much better. He wanted to come over that night, but he only had a few hours (his gig ended at 2 and he had to be at a morning gig at 8. He also had to work on charts. But he kept touching me and kissing me, he said I helped him. He was very affectionate.

 

He continued to talk to me constantly, and I had become fond of my "wild horse." We've sexted during this time, and I'm strangely comfortable with him. I don't do that usually, but...since we don't get to see each other a lot, we do that.

 

The Sunday before last, he talked to me all the way home (a long long long drive). I told him I was so excited for him to go to his "cave." I told him I'm protective of his need to be alone--people are always asking so much of him. I told him I was happy to be a place where he's....safe, and all I need is "his dick." (He likes this.) It was happy. He told me that he's drawn to it, to me, and that I'm the only person who understands it, his need to be alone. He shared with me some confidential projects he's working on. He asks for my opinion on things. I assumed last week he'd just be in his cave, but he was sending me photos of what he was doing (painting the walls, hanging wallpaper) and it was really moving, because that's a sacred space for him. He talked to me all week, and sexted Thursday. Friday we had some small chats. And then, after Friday night.....he disappeared. He hasn't contacted me at all in 5 days. There have been a few days a couple of times, because of his schedule, but not this long. Not this long.

 

I feel....very sad, and very confused. ....I spoke to my father, who is always brutally honest with me. My father believes he's falling and doesn't want to and he's withdrawn because he's freaking out. My father has said to me before when I'm barking up the wrong tree, and he doesn't say things just to make me feel better. I don't know. But I do know that I miss my friend. I don't want to trap him or tame him, I don't want to get married---he knows all this. He doesn't want to get married either. But he just stopped talking to me. I am, to be honest, heartbroken, because I miss my friend. I'm not contacting him because....if he wanted to talk to me, he would. He just stopped, suddenly, and I'm so, so sad.

Edited by Miss_Lily
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sweetgirl75

I don't understand some guys and why they do this. He might be going through some personal things and kind of went into his space for a bit. I would continue no contact. If he is meant to be with you he will be back. If not let him go. Maybe he needs some time to miss you. When they pull the sudden disappearing act it does hurt.

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Assuming your father has met this guy, I suspect dad is right.

 

 

You are doing the right thing by giving this guy his space. If he doesn't pop back up soon with a D**m good explanation of this little disappearing act, I'd be very angry if I were you. After all you have been through together you deserve more than to be ghosted.

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  • 3 weeks later...
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I was going to assume the same as what Preraph suggested....I was sure if it.

But days after this post....it was clear he was working through things. But it's....it's ....it's.....I can't even say it, even though it's lovely. It's unexpected. For both of us.

Edited by Miss_Lily
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