Can I make things better?

[cakemuncher]

I've confessed my feelings to my friend recently and we've talked about how we felt about each other. My friend response was that she has thought about it before but doesn't want to due to a few different reasons at the moment and that she still wants us to stay friends.

 

I am trying my best to be the same friend I was given how important she means to me regardless of whether or not we're dating... However she doesn't seem as responsive to texts anymore and provides really short texts.

 

Is there something I should do to make the situation better?

[Simple Logic]

I've confessed my feelings to my friend recently and we've talked about how we felt about each other. My friend response was that she has thought about it before but doesn't want to due to a few different reasons at the moment and that she still wants us to stay friends.

 

I am trying my best to be the same friend I was given how important she means to me regardless of whether or not we're dating... However she doesn't seem as responsive to texts anymore and provides really short texts.

 

Is there something I should do to make the situation better?

 

Back off and give her some space.

[preraph]

This is the predictable result after one "friend" confesses they have feelings and the other one doesn't. There's two things at play. One is it's now awkward and she feels she has to not encourage you at all and be really careful, and the other is she may feel betrayed because she trusted you as a friend and maybe confided in your as such, only to find out you were just posing as a friend for at least part of that time to stay next to her, which is a bit creepy.

 

She says she wants to still be friends but that probably won't really last and you won't be able to make one false move, and have probably lost her trust at least on certain things now. This is what happens.

[cakemuncher]

Do you think she feels betrayed though? I mean my feelings arose out of my friendship and given that she's thought about it before would she still be betrayed?

 

I really want things to work out between us and I guess I'm happy to give her space but wouldn't it be nice to still do things together?

[Aethelfled86]

Just give her the space for your sake, It will allow you to do the same and reflect. A love story that comes out of a friendship it's beautiful but rare so if she can't appreciate you as a lover , you need to understand that it makes her feel uncomfortable so the best thing is as stated above.

Don't overthink it after, just let it flow naturally , if it's meant to be, It will be. You've put yourself out there, the ball is in her court now. Hence the space.

[preraph]

Do you think she feels betrayed though? I mean my feelings arose out of my friendship and given that she's thought about it before would she still be betrayed?

 

I really want things to work out between us and I guess I'm happy to give her space but wouldn't it be nice to still do things together?

 

I'm not her mind reader. Are you telling me you were not attracted to her when you first met and were friends? Wasn't there always an attraction there that just got stronger?

 

I can't read her mind, but once a guy who has been acting like he's a safe brother/friend type without sex on his mind confesses he wants you, and she doesn't return that attraction, it's just too awkward. The woman may feel she's been duped into trusting you. I was in this position once and we managed to remain friends to some degree but that is mainly because I never did put all my trust in him and wondered what he was up to, but it went on a long time and i got kind of relaxed, and then he tried it. I mean, to a woman, if a person is just a true friend, then she may talk about other men or private things like that just like she does to a girlfriend. But then she finds out the guy is actually after her for more than friendship, now he's armed with all this info and he can and probably will misuse it some way or try to apply it to himself or divest her of any polite excuses to say no, such as, But I know you're not seeing anyone, so why not me? And then force her to be brutally honest with you and say, I am simply not attracted to you, instead of the kinder, "You're nice but I've got something else going on," etc.

 

It's just awkward and usually the friendship will at least take several backwards steps and she will no longer be as forthcoming, nor should she.

 

For your own self, you need to give up on this and just move on so you don't delude yourself into thinking she'll change her mind. Us women know who we are interested in that way and who we're not. It's insulting to assume otherwise, which can be another source of resentment. Her to one of her girlfriends: "He's still hanging around hoping he can wear me down, I guess, as if he knows better than me what I want and need."

[Shanex]

Do you think she feels betrayed though? I mean my feelings arose out of my friendship and given that she's thought about it before would she still be betrayed?

 

I really want things to work out between us and I guess I'm happy to give her space but wouldn't it be nice to still do things together?

 

It's not betrayal at all.. but from my few experiences about showing my feelings to a friend, it either work or not. Meaning that you either begin a relationship and things could go well because the feelings are mutual or else you just lose a friend, sorry to be blunt but it could be the latter here.

[cakemuncher]

Would it be best if I just gave up friendship at this point then?

 

I don't really know any secrets per say about her, we just have a really good time together. Which will suck if this is the only thing I can do at this stage...