Undertaker Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 I'm sure this question has been asked on this particular website many times, but I've just missed it. So, I'll ask it again: Can men and women be "just friends"? I've been dating this girl for about 6 weeks and I like everything about her EXCEPT for that she still has all of these 'guy-friends'. My personal theory (and I had no problem telliing her this) is that guys and girls CAN be friends BUT, at least one (the guy or girl) wants more and the other just doesn't know it. Using myself as an example, I wouldn't waste my time being friends with a girl unless I wanted to get in a relationship with her, or...well, y'know. I can't speak for all guys...but let's be honest...I probably CAN speak for all guys in this case. Back to my situation: the girl that I'm involved with has admitted to me that she used to have a crush on one of the guys she's 'friends' with. She says that she doesn't anymore and that was "a long time ago". My question is, should I have a problem with this? Because I do, but I know that it would be unfair of me to ask her (or any other girl I'd potentially date) to get rid of her friends for me. At the same time, how can I pretend that it doesn't bother me? She says up and down that she only wants me and that those guys are 'just friends'...I want to believe her, but I just can't. How can I trust someone who has 'guy-friends' when I don't trust other guys as far as I can throw them? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by Undertaker How can I trust someone who has 'guy-friends' when I don't trust other guys as far as I can throw them? in the vast majority of male-female friendships one of the two wants more. You are correct UNDRTAKER. I have date women who had a number of male "friends" or who kept all their ex-boyfriends (who they dumped) aS "friends" to boost their ego. I don't advocate male-female friendships unless it is in the context of a romantic relationship. I think men and women can be acquaintances but not true friends. and the ironic thing here is that women think it is ok for them to have a harem of male "friends" but if their boyfriend or husband has a harem of female "friends" all of a sudden they hit the roof and go insane with jealousy. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Majority of my female friends are married to my male friends. I can be friends with them and not worry about any temptations because I would never do that to one of my boys! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 I have a lot of Male Friends that are only Friends... I have zero interest in hooking up with or dating them. I don't remain "Friendly" with Ex's... I believe Men and Women can be just Friends... In fact most of the time when I'm having an issue with my relationship I always ask one of my Guy Friends for his perspective... Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 I don't see a problem with people of the opposite sex forming a friendship and I don't believe that if a friendship is nurtured it automatically means that one person in the relationship has a romantic interest in the other person. To clarify, I believe that platonic relationships are possible. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by TUDOR Majority of my female friends are married to my male friends. I can be friends with them and not worry about any temptations because I would never do that to one of my boys! right TUDOR, so what happens hypothetically if one of the couple's marriage starts going downhill and the wife starts coming to u for emotional support and grief-counseling. your "boy" who is her hubby probably won't be too happy about it. putting yourself in between a couple who are both your "friends" is a nightmare waiting to happen. and i guarantee that it will happen some day. Originally posted by Merin I have a lot of Male Friends that are only Friends... yes MERIN and the thing you don't realize (or deny) is that 80% of these so-called male "friends" want to have sex with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale yes MERIN and the thing you don't realize (or deny) is that 80% of these so-called male "friends" want to have sex with you. While I can't say I've ever had one of My Guy friends straight up tell me they want to have sex with me and they don't hit on me... I will say that regardless if it was the case that one of My Guy friends wanted to hook up I wouldn't be down for it. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale right TUDOR, so what happens hypothetically if one of the couple's marriage starts going downhill and the wife starts coming to u for emotional support and grief-counseling. your "boy" who is her hubby probably won't be too happy about it. putting yourself in between a couple who are both your "friends" is a nightmare waiting to happen. and i guarantee that it will happen some day. I have no illusions that this scenario will not come to pass some day. Nor do I ignore that I am guy and my sexual impulses towards a women are my cryptonite. But I have been blessed with a group of guys that I have remained great friends with for over 20 years. One thing we have learned is that women will come and go in each of our lives but the boys are like family they will remain. So I can curb my impulses for women when it comes to respecting my guys. If I ever find myself in between a couple who are both friends, the loyalty and respect for my guy friend will not just go out the window. I would risk loosing the female friend every time in order to protect and preserve my friendship with my guys. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Gotta trust the girl. Some women have trust issues with other women. I do. I can't stand most women and only have one realy close female friend. So to deny me my male friends would be to deny me my entire circle of buds. And I had a crush on one of my friends. It's completely evaporated now, though. The well is dry and it ain't gettin' wet again. So. I have somebody better who keeps me occupied, and treats me pretty dern good. I don't know what else to say. I think that men and women can be friends, and we have higher brain functions so that we don't act on our impulses all the time. I've been attracted to plenty of people and never had sex with them. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Some women have trust issues with other women. I do. I would say most women do, not some. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Undertaker Posted May 2, 2005 Author Share Posted May 2, 2005 Merin: If you're acknowledging the fact that your guy friends may want to have sex with you...then that only proves my point. Just because YOU don't want the same thing doesn't mean that it makes it a bonafide friendship. By the way, if that picture is really you, then guess what... they want to bang you. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by Undertaker By the way, if that picture is really you, then guess what... they want to bang you. Yep!! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by Undertaker Merin: If you're acknowledging the fact that your guy friends may want to have sex with you...then that only proves my point. Just because YOU don't want the same thing doesn't mean that it makes it a bonafide friendship. By the way, if that picture is really you, then guess what... they want to bang you. I'm not saying My Guy Friends want to get it on with me.. I was saying that IF they did I wouldn't be all about it. AND The Photo.. is Me.. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Also why does the potentiality for sexual intercourse mean you can't be friends with someone? For example, what if someone is bisexual? Should they have no friends? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by Undertaker By the way, if that picture is really you, then guess what... they want to bang you. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Also why does the potentiality for sexual intercourse mean you can't be friends with someone? For example, what if someone is bisexual? Should they have no friends? Good Point Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Also why does the potentiality for sexual intercourse mean you can't be friends with someone? For example, what if someone is bisexual? Should they have no friends? a true platonic friendship is one where the sex thing cannot get in the way. if one of the two parties wants romance or sex then it is not a real friendship because one of the parties wants more than just friends. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale a true platonic friendship is one where the sex thing cannot get in the way. if one of the two parties wants romance or sex then it is not a real friendship because one of the parties wants more than just friends. So, bisexual people should not have friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Undertaker Posted May 2, 2005 Author Share Posted May 2, 2005 Merin: I'm going to refrain from being "sick" when referring to your picture...but let's just say, you could make a lot of money in the internet doing something other than visting Community Forums. Having said that, I can see why you have so many "guy-friends". I'd bet you $10,000 that if you had each one of them over to your house for dinner (separately), and you went to the bedroom and came out without any clothes on and asked them to have sex with you. They would NOT say, "I don't think so. I just see you as more of a friend". Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter So, bisexual people should not have friends? sure they can. if they can find a true friend where both parties are not interested in love or sex. BTW the term "bisexual" is a misnomer. You are either hetero or homo. If you are having sex with the same sex you are homosexual no matter who else you are sleeping with. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Under, how old is the girl? That will tell you a lot, frankly. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by Undertaker Having said that, I can see why you have so many "guy-friends". I'd bet you $10,000 that if you had each one of them over to your house for dinner (separately), and you went to the bedroom and came out without any clothes on and asked them to have sex with you. They would NOT say, "I don't think so. I just see you as more of a friend". yes UNDERTAKER, the good looking women always have tons of men "friends". i never see any short, fat and homely women with legions of male buddies. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale BTW the term "bisexual" is a misnomer. You are either hetero or homo. If you are having sex with the same sex you are homosexual no matter who else you are sleeping with. In your opinion. Maybe you should take the issue up with sociologists and behaviorists around the world. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by Undertaker Merin: I'm going to refrain from being "sick" when referring to your picture...but let's just say, you could make a lot of money in the internet doing something other than visting Community Forums. Having said that, I can see why you have so many "guy-friends". I'd bet you $10,000 that if you had each one of them over to your house for dinner (separately), and you went to the bedroom and came out without any clothes on and asked them to have sex with you. They would NOT say, "I don't think so. I just see you as more of a friend". Undertaker, are you saying that it ISN'T possible that Guys could have any interest in having me as a friend because of WHO I am? I don't need to make money on the internet doing anything.. because I'm also a smart Girl. I make my living as a surgical assistant... My looks don't define who I am or who I choose to have as friends regardless if they are male or female. As I've already said it wouldn't make any difference if one of my Guy friends was down for sex with me, I'm NOT down for it... and IMO it's a matter of trusting your SO to make the right decisions regardless of who they're with or who's watching. Isn't it a matter of trusting your GF to do the right things and make good decisions... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Isn't it a matter of trusting your GF to do the right things and make good decisions... so lets turn it around MERIN. how many women trust their BF when he has lots of female "friends"? most women can't deal with it. why does it work one way but not the other? so you think that women are better at handling their sexual impulses and keeping men at arm's length? Link to post Share on other sites
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