What do i do.

[rockxy]

Hey all! I've been friends with this guy for over six months now and I really like him. But Im not sure whether he loves me back or not. He is very caring and listens to all my crap. He also gets upset when I get angry with him and apologises even if he is not wrong. He does misses me when im not around and gets worried about me if im in some trouble. He is a different kind of person to me compared to how he is to the others. He shares all his daily stuffs and talks out his mind to me. I really love him and I did tell him what i feel for him. But he says he doesnt want to hurt me and that he doesnt love me like that. Well he has had a bad relationship before and he somewhere blames himself for it. He also says he is probably never gonna be in love ever again, but the way he behaves with me seems like he is my boyfriend. Only that he doesnt say that he loves me. What do i think of this. Should i even have hopes that he will fall in love with me someday.. or should i just move on?

[preraph]

He wouldn't have told you he doesn't love you if he had any intention of staying with you. I don't think whether he falls in love again is the issue. I just think he knows you are nice but you are not the one he would ever make permanent. I'm sorry. If a person tells you that, there is really no hope for the future.

[Pocketstar]

Hey all! I've been friends with this guy for over six months now and I really like him. But Im not sure whether he loves me back or not. He is very caring and listens to all my crap. He also gets upset when I get angry with him and apologises even if he is not wrong. He does misses me when im not around and gets worried about me if im in some trouble. He is a different kind of person to me compared to how he is to the others. He shares all his daily stuffs and talks out his mind to me. I really love him and I did tell him what i feel for him. But he says he doesnt want to hurt me and that he doesnt love me like that. Well he has had a bad relationship before and he somewhere blames himself for it. He also says he is probably never gonna be in love ever again, but the way he behaves with me seems like he is my boyfriend. Only that he doesnt say that he loves me. What do i think of this. Should i even have hopes that he will fall in love with me someday.. or should i just move on?

Based on my experience, generally guys don't have friend-zone. And the fact that he care about you that much, and spend that much time on you, meant he does have some interests in you

 

If he once had bad relationship, and now claimed that he don't love you (key: will never fall in love again) or don't want to hurt you. Maybe he just feel really insecure/ traumatised by that past experience. And is waiting for someone to get him through it. And you are probably once of the prime candidate.

 

I don't know how to describe it, but just think of him as a princess who imprisoned herself in a dragon dungeon. In hope that one day her knight-in-shining-amour will gather enough courage to slay the beast and rescue her (I know the gender-role is reversed here, but it sounds much more romantic like this)

 

Solution. Instead of just waiting or moving on. How's about just going all in? Being aggressive as you can within the boundary of your relationship? I'm not saying that you have to jump him or something, but step up on your current level and go as far as you can/ legal to do (For example: if you only confessed with words last time. Do it again, but hug and caress him from behind this time). Put him into an uncomfortable position where he had to make the decision instead of maintaining currents status quo.

 

As mentioned, guys (fortunately or unfortunately) don't keep girls around as friends without any slightest interests. If he does not interest in you enough despite all you did, at least his rejection this time will free both of you up to look for love elsewhere.

Edited March 22, 2017 by Pocketstar

[rockxy]

Seriously after getting the first advice here even i too thought i should really move on and i did too. Asked him one final time whether he loves me and he said he doesnt like me that way. So that was it. Just send him a message that I will not be in touch with him anymore. And then after one whole day of total avoidance, no messages and not even looking at him when he was around, he sends me a message the end of the day asking whether this is how its goin to continue from now on.

 

I was really missing him very bad the whole day and even though my brain was telling me not to reply him back i still did, telling him how it was killing me to stay away from him. And he says that he was feeling the same too. But when i asked him why was he feeling the same as he doesnt love me, he said its not just love that makes you feel like this or makes you miss someone.

 

Well its pretty clear that its killing him too, when im staying away from him. But is it just friendship? I mean which guy calls you up late at night saying that he is drunk and that out of all the people in his life he just wanted to talk to you. And its not just once that happend. I remember him telling that it was his ex girlfriend he used to talk to when he used to be drunk. And i really dont remember missing any of my friends this bad or caring so much and or being available for them whenever required. I mean everything he does is just like a lover would do. The only two things that's left out is, he doesnt talk about the future picturing me in it and also he says that he doesnt love me.

 

Please tel me now what do i really do? Is this just friendship? Does he really feel nothing for me? Im really not comfortable with forcing something on him. I mean it doesnt feel right, plus i dont want to have an awkward moment.

 

Currently i just feel like being fed a chocolate cake which i neither can spit out cause i love it nor can i eat it cause im on diet. Seriously, this is how i feel. Please advice me on what i should do now.

[Pocketstar]

Seriously after getting the first advice here even i too thought i should really move on and i did too. Asked him one final time whether he loves me and he said he doesnt like me that way. So that was it. Just send him a message that I will not be in touch with him anymore. And then after one whole day of total avoidance, no messages and not even looking at him when he was around, he sends me a message the end of the day asking whether this is how its goin to continue from now on.

 

I was really missing him very bad the whole day and even though my brain was telling me not to reply him back i still did, telling him how it was killing me to stay away from him. And he says that he was feeling the same too. But when i asked him why was he feeling the same as he doesnt love me, he said its not just love that makes you feel like this or makes you miss someone.

 

Well its pretty clear that its killing him too, when im staying away from him. But is it just friendship? I mean which guy calls you up late at night saying that he is drunk and that out of all the people in his life he just wanted to talk to you. And its not just once that happend. I remember him telling that it was his ex girlfriend he used to talk to when he used to be drunk. And i really dont remember missing any of my friends this bad or caring so much and or being available for them whenever required. I mean everything he does is just like a lover would do. The only two things that's left out is, he doesnt talk about the future picturing me in it and also he says that he doesnt love me.

 

Please tel me now what do i really do? Is this just friendship? Does he really feel nothing for me? Im really not comfortable with forcing something on him. I mean it doesnt feel right, plus i dont want to have an awkward moment.

 

Currently i just feel like being fed a chocolate cake which i neither can spit out cause i love it nor can i eat it cause im on diet. Seriously, this is how i feel. Please advice me on what i should do now.

I don't think it's just friendship. He seemed frankly to be the kind where I want to smack on the heads and say "make up your mind and go out with her already".

 

(That is not a solution btw. Do not attempt it)

 

You don't mind if I ask what do you want to do with him over the current relationship. I guess breaking up is out of option right now? Do you want a clear defined relationship? Or will you be OK if it's on muddy ground as long as you two are content with it?

 

The former could be difficult if he's stubborn over what love in. The later may not be preferable option, but could get your relationship progress and who know if it will help him to clear up his mind (or maybe make you realising that he's not as good as you think and help you break away from him easier).

 

I don't know you two enough to carry out proper advice. But if this is gonna be your last option, then try to be really selfish and push as far as you can (within the boundary of your relationship). For example if you want to go on a date with him, ask him to go with you out of your selfishness, and he doesn't need to think that you are a love interest. Then you can push a bit further, hold his hand, arm, etc.... whatever that he can be comfortable with but that can break the current deadlock.

 

If he treat you like a lover, but claim that he does not love you (or anyone ever again), then play his game. As many said, what is the worst coudl happen? He say no.

[preraph]

For him it's about sex. And when he's calling you drunk in the middle of the night, he's probably also having sex on his end, by himself. He doesn't want to keep you but he has some use for you, sex and whatever else, but he's been clear, so you are just wasting time with him. How can you say you love someone who says he can't love you? What sense does that make. "I love you." "I don't love you." "I still love you even though you don't think I'm good enough."

[rockxy]

For him it's about sex. And when he's calling you drunk in the middle of the night, he's probably also having sex on his end, by himself. He doesn't want to keep you but he has some use for you, sex and whatever else, but he's been clear, so you are just wasting time with him. How can you say you love someone who says he can't love you? What sense does that make. "I love you." "I don't love you." "I still love you

even though you don't think I'm good enough."

 

Im sorry but i would have to deny with this point. There has been plenty of times he has been totaly alone with me and if he wanted he could have gone for anything and probably i would have given in too. But he never did anything such. So i wont believe that sex is what he needs. Also even when he would call me after being drunk too, he never spoke anything related to sex. He had always kept our conversations clean, unlike any other guy im friends with.

[preraph]

So then he doesn't want anything but friendship from you. I'm glad he's not playing you at least. That's good. But it doesn't change the fact he's not interested romantically. In fact, it kinda proves it.