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Should I make a move?


RandomPerson5798

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RandomPerson5798

Found this forum via google after searching for some help with my issue. It seems like a nice and helpful community so I thought I'd sign up and see if anyone can give me some advice on my situation.

 

 

To start, I need to give some context. I was with a girl for two years until she broke up with me roughly 5 months ago. Over the time I was with that girl, she had a close friend who I got to know and eventually also became friends with. When my relationship ended with my ex, this person was there for me and comforted me when I needed it the most. It was really nice of her and and I appreciated her there for me.

 

Fast forward to the present, and we have kept in touch and over the past month we have been talking quite a lot. We have discussed my past a bit and she mentioned how she hadn't spoken to my ex since November (this was said to me in February), so it doesn't seem like they are as close as they used to be. They are attending the same university this year, and will more than likely have contact and start to chat and socialise again (just an assumption, I haven't asked about it).

 

I have started to develop feelings for this girl, she's funny, smart, and attractive, seems like the whole package, but there are so many things rushing through my head. After my break up I lost a lot of confidence/self-esteem, and have a huge fear of rejection. I have gotten so bad that I am scared to ask my friends to do something because of them saying no, which before I wouldn't have cared a single bit about. I remember I asked my mates if they wanted to go out one Saturday night, and I was panic stricken and had to pump myself out to do ask, to ask my closest friends who I had known for 6+ years to do something.

 

I am absolutely petrified about asking her out already because of my fear of rejection, but the fact that she is my ex's friend makes it even worse. I've done quite a lot of reading about dating an ex's friend, and I have no idea what I should do. I'm not sure if it is the right thing to do, but then again I have read things out there about how if you're young like I am (19), it is more acceptable to date an ex in your group of friends, so I'm stuck at a crossroad. If I ask her on a date it could go two ways; she accepts and we go out, or she gets put off and our friendship ends. As well as that, I am not sure if this is a late rebound, and that the fact she was in my life while I was with my ex, is me just trying to 'go back to the past' and put my old feelings and relationship on this new girl.

 

It's all a very confusing situation for me, but I do think my feelings for this girl are genuine. So in summary, I am going to list the questions I have.

 

1. Do you think my feelings for this girl is genuine?

2. Do you think that it is okay to date this girl, knowing she is friends with my ex?

3. Is it even worth asking her on a date, which could jeopardise our friendship

4. What should I do!? :p

 

I'm not the best at writing or making things flow, so I apologise if this is all over the place. Hopefully someone can make sense out of what I'm trying to say and give some advice. Thanks :)

 

PS. I apologise if this was posted in the wrong section. I thought it best suited this category, but if it doesn't sorry haha

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All I read was the title. I didn't even read the story or even know if you are a man or a woman or who you are wanting to approach.

 

As long as that person is not married with minor children, a close blood relative , a child or an invalid unresponsive in a care facility, the answer is, 'yes.'

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First things first. I think you still have some feelings or some kind of remorse for your ex. Your approaching this wrong. To hell what your ex thinks and how she might feel. Shes no longer a part of your life.

 

You havent had alot of time with this girl for anyone including yourself to know if your feelings are genuine.

 

Just a reminder again stop giving your ex so much thought ok. Its gonna be bad for you all round. Think of her as a past relationship and that's it. Nothing there to think bout again.

 

I do understand how you feel. After my ex left me I let myself become isolated and it took me a long time to find myself and get back on my feet. It happens dont worry.

 

So i think you should ask her out. You have nothing to lose and all to gain.

 

Start putting yourself out there man your 19. Such a kool age to be. Ask girls out have fun and enjoy yourself.

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Found this forum via google after searching for some help with my issue. It seems like a nice and helpful community so I thought I'd sign up and see if anyone can give me some advice on my situation.

 

 

To start, I need to give some context. I was with a girl for two years until she broke up with me roughly 5 months ago. Over the time I was with that girl, she had a close friend who I got to know and eventually also became friends with. When my relationship ended with my ex, this person was there for me and comforted me when I needed it the most. It was really nice of her and and I appreciated her there for me.

 

Fast forward to the present, and we have kept in touch and over the past month we have been talking quite a lot. We have discussed my past a bit and she mentioned how she hadn't spoken to my ex since November (this was said to me in February), so it doesn't seem like they are as close as they used to be. They are attending the same university this year, and will more than likely have contact and start to chat and socialise again (just an assumption, I haven't asked about it).

 

I have started to develop feelings for this girl, she's funny, smart, and attractive, seems like the whole package, but there are so many things rushing through my head. After my break up I lost a lot of confidence/self-esteem, and have a huge fear of rejection. I have gotten so bad that I am scared to ask my friends to do something because of them saying no, which before I wouldn't have cared a single bit about. I remember I asked my mates if they wanted to go out one Saturday night, and I was panic stricken and had to pump myself out to do ask, to ask my closest friends who I had known for 6+ years to do something.

 

I am absolutely petrified about asking her out already because of my fear of rejection, but the fact that she is my ex's friend makes it even worse. I've done quite a lot of reading about dating an ex's friend, and I have no idea what I should do. I'm not sure if it is the right thing to do, but then again I have read things out there about how if you're young like I am (19), it is more acceptable to date an ex in your group of friends, so I'm stuck at a crossroad. If I ask her on a date it could go two ways; she accepts and we go out, or she gets put off and our friendship ends. As well as that, I am not sure if this is a late rebound, and that the fact she was in my life while I was with my ex, is me just trying to 'go back to the past' and put my old feelings and relationship on this new girl.

 

It's all a very confusing situation for me, but I do think my feelings for this girl are genuine. So in summary, I am going to list the questions I have.

 

1. Do you think my feelings for this girl is genuine?

2. Do you think that it is okay to date this girl, knowing she is friends with my ex?

3. Is it even worth asking her on a date, which could jeopardise our friendship

4. What should I do!? :p

 

I'm not the best at writing or making things flow, so I apologise if this is all over the place. Hopefully someone can make sense out of what I'm trying to say and give some advice. Thanks :)

 

PS. I apologise if this was posted in the wrong section. I thought it best suited this category, but if it doesn't sorry haha

 

 

OK, I tried to resist but the urge was too overwhelming and I broke down and read your question.

 

Here is the rational and reasoning behind my answer as it relates to your specific situation.

 

Tonight is Saturday night. There are a few different kinds of men in this world. Those that do things and get things done. And those that are afraid of their own shadows and worry about crap and try to figure out how they can go through life risk free and never feel awkward or uncomfortable and spend all their time contemplating things and trying to analize things, but never actually achieve anything.

 

And there are studs and there are Melvins.

 

Right now as we speak, there are studs picking up random chicks in bars and going home and banging their brains out. Some of them will even hit it off and will ride off into the sunset together and will tell their grandchildren how they met and it was love at first sight.

 

And right now as we speak there are Melvins in their mom's basement playing video games with other Melvins that cant' (or won't) get dates either.

 

There are only a few things that separate the studs from the duds.

 

Those things are -

 

1. studs don't even know what it means to ask if their feelings are "genuine." if they dig some chick, they give it their best shot at that very moment without contemplating it or wondering if there is any bigger meaning to it. (who the hell asks other people if their own feelings are genuine??? Jeesh!!! :-O )

 

2. Studs make their best move and their best offer on women they dig without worrying about the ancillary stuff. Chicks worry about other stuff. Studs act on the wants without letting their fears and anxieties stop them from making their move.

 

3. If a stud is attracted to a chick, it is always worth it to get with her. And Studs aren't "friends" with chicks that aren't doing them. Friendship is not part of the equation.

 

4. Studs do what they want to do. They never ask others what they should do.

 

And #5. Studs don't fear rejection. And even if they secretly do fear it deep down, they don't let it delay or stop them from making their move and making an offer.

 

 

So even though I didn't need to read your actual story and question, my answer still stands. YES.

 

The question you need to ask yourself is, do you want to be a Melvin in your mom's basement playing video games with your sexless buddies on a Sat night? Or do you want be a stud that dates chicks and scores and finds love?

 

The difference that separates the two is fear, anxiety and worrying about ancillary details that don't mean a hill of beans on the price of tea in China.

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Now to be fair, the female posters of this site will probably come on here and urge you not to move on the friend of your ex because if she goes out with you, she will be breaking Chick-Code that forbids going out with their girlfriends ex's.

 

That is not your Circus and not your Monkey.

 

Your job is to make your offer. Then it is on her whether she accepts or not. she can either take you up on it, or she can decline - her call.

 

If she accepts, give it your best shot.

 

If she declines, move on to the next gal that catches your eye.

 

Loss of friendship?????? I call BS. If she gets her panties in a wad because a 19 year asks her out, then forget her. she's a beeotch and you have better things to be doing than wasting your time and energy with her anyway.

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I know it sounds tough. From going through that phase of feeling weak and depressed. Losing your self confidence and yourself at that same time.

 

Thats how it is though, and you have to man up and make that change. Itll help you grow and develop.

 

Be brave and be confident. Alot of women for you to meet in the future. Look forward to all of it.

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No. She's a friend of your ex, who you're still hung up on. There's tens of millions of females in this world. Ask yourself why the one that's friends with your ex is the one you singled out.

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Go for it, you are young, often we end up with friend of friends...

 

1. confident people don't even know what it means to ask if their feelings are "genuine." if they like someone, they give it their best shot at that very moment without contemplating it or wondering if there is any bigger meaning to it.

 

2. confident people make their best move and their best offer without worrying about the ancillary stuff. Confident people act on the wants without letting their fears and anxieties stop them from making their move.

 

3. If a confident person is attracted, it is always worth it.

 

4. confident people do what they want to do. They never ask others what they should do.

 

And #5. confident people don't fear rejection. And even if they secretly do fear it deep down, they don't let it delay or stop them from making their move and making an offer.

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