How to proceed with him?

[periwinklesprinkles]

Hey guys, I need some insight.

 

There's this guy at my college who is about a year older than me. He's ridiculously good-looking, to the point that every girl who knows him talks about it. (Personality is something that is really important to me, though).

 

Important thing: he is a virgin. I guess I can see why; he's a very laid-back guy who's friendly to everyone but I can't picture him going up to someone and hitting on them. He seems a little shy in that respect, and he dated a little in his freshman year but hasn't since. He does have other things to focus on- he's working hard to get his degree in engineering, and his family, including younger siblings, is very important to him.

 

I am not a virgin. I have had a couple of long-term relationships and I don't think I'm comfortable with sex outside of a committed, exclusive relationship. Not looking for a friends-with-benefits kind of thing.

 

I was the one who initially asked him to hang out, and we did at school a few times, but we wanted to do something outside of school and that proved very difficult to plan because he kept having a reason on the day-of for not being able to do it after all, like that he had to work late or he had a midnight deadline for an assignment he hadn't gotten to yet, or once it was his little brother's birthday. I had some evidence that these reasons were legit, and he always rescheduled when it didn't work out. When it finally did, we got food and hung out at my house. I should mention that he was kind of iffy about going to either one of our houses but it was my idea and I assured him that my house was just a good place for us to be by ourselves and I didn't mean anything by suggesting it, so we did. This made me think he wasn't really looking for a hookup. It went fine; we hung out like friends aside from a little bit of cuddling which I initiated and he was happy with. There wasn't crackling chemistry, and I also didn't feel like I was likely to have feelings for him. We hugged when we said goodbye and I thought that was it.

 

A month or two later, when I had pretty much forgotten the whole thing, he sent me a picture of a sunset on Snapchat and I made a joke about it and we ended up chatting a little bit, and to my utter surprise he suggested that we hang out again. This time there was no rescheduling and we were more relaxed with each other, and we actually ended up making out, which was surprisingly passionate, and we cuddled for a while afterward. He gave me a hickey without intending to and he was cutely embarrassed about it. We both agreed we didn't want to do anything further right then. That was two weeks ago.

 

We're going to see each other again tomorrow and I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm looking forward to seeing him, but I wouldn't want things to progress physically any further without us committing to each other. However, it seems too early to have a "what are we" conversation. I also have no idea what he's thinking/what he wants; it's not like he has a history of casual sex but maybe that's what he's looking for. I didn't expect even this much to happen; I had effectively moved on before he initiated contact again. What do you think?

[preraph]

You know, usually at any given time, a dating-age person has someone they have their eye on. So maybe at the time you initiated, he was holding back some because he had an interest in someone else.

 

So now he's back. Lucky you! Just relax and don't overthink it. Concentrate not on what he is up to or what he wants but making yourself entertaining and fun to go out with. Do not over-flatter a really good looking guy on his looks. An old flame of mine was very handsome and it only brought him problems. Instead, compliment him on something he accomplished or how funny or witty he is or something like that. Good luck.