v0d4l98 Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 (long story guys) so you'll have an idea So i've been courting this girl for 7 years. Yeah, 7 years.. it all started way back in college until now. The girls family is ok with me, they all like me, they want me for her. She has no other man, we act like any couples do except with kissing part, we are officially dating, she doesn't date other, i've been giving all my effort for 5 year, the other 2 years is shes outside the country but that did not stop me from giving an all out effort Here's the situation, After 5 years (out of 7years) of courting i asked her what is the status of our relationship if we ever had a relationship, she just said its non sense if i will answer you cause all of the people around us thinks we are couple anyways, so given by her answer i already assume that we are already a couple but she said that we are a not couple, i mean wtf. She also said to me that we need to prioritise our future while supporting each other. Then after 1 year she decides that she will go abroad and pursue her dream which i i understand and supported her, but before she leave she also said that she will wait for me no matter what. Being abroad did take some toll, we barely talk to each other, i understand that given that she is adjusting and making some changes there but after that she just randomly ask me out of nowhere, why are you still waiting? Whaaat the f*** i gave her my answer cause shes the reason why im waiting, for me, the way she ask me that question its like giving me a hint that she doesnt what anything to do with me anymore. After giving my answer she said that its unusual for a guy to wait this long, oh my. I need your help and advice on this one. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 (long story guys) so you'll have an idea So i've been courting this girl for 7 years. Yeah, 7 years.. it all started way back in college until now. The girls family is ok with me, they all like me, they want me for her. She has no other man, we act like any couples do except with kissing part, we are officially dating, she doesn't date other, i've been giving all my effort for 5 year, the other 2 years is shes outside the country but that did not stop me from giving an all out effort Here's the situation, After 5 years (out of 7years) of courting i asked her what is the status of our relationship if we ever had a relationship, she just said its non sense if i will answer you cause all of the people around us thinks we are couple anyways, so given by her answer i already assume that we are already a couple but she said that we are a not couple, i mean wtf. She also said to me that we need to prioritise our future while supporting each other. Then after 1 year she decides that she will go abroad and pursue her dream which i i understand and supported her, but before she leave she also said that she will wait for me no matter what. Being abroad did take some toll, we barely talk to each other, i understand that given that she is adjusting and making some changes there but after that she just randomly ask me out of nowhere, why are you still waiting? Whaaat the f*** i gave her my answer cause shes the reason why im waiting, for me, the way she ask me that question its like giving me a hint that she doesnt what anything to do with me anymore. After giving my answer she said that its unusual for a guy to wait this long, oh my. I need your help and advice on this one. Thanks You act like anyother couple except the kissing part for 7 years? Sorry to tell you this, you were never a couple. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this. For 7 years...... You have been, what? Her best friend? The kissing, sex and lust part is what separates a friend from a boy friend. So you have been friends - and all these years you have been waiting and hoping that she will - what? Suddenly become sexually attracted to you and take it to the next level? Are you both virgins waiting for marriage? Neither of you have been dating anyone else for these SEVEN YEARS? Honestly, I have never heard of such a thing. Yes it is unusual for a guy, or a gal to wait this long. What are you hoping for? Do you really think it will happen? That what, 8 or 9 years down the road she will suddenly feel like you are the one, become sexually attracted to you and marry you? From what you have said here, it sounds like you are hopelessly friend zoned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 From what you have said here, it sounds like you are hopelessly friend zoned. It might also be naive to believe that, as a healthy young adult, she's not (and I'm trying to be gentle here) involved in various social activities in the two years you've been apart. The two of you are wasting some prime years... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 Where are you from? This doesn't sound like anyone I know so guessing you're from a different culture. If you have never even kissed the girl in 7 years, in my opinion, you are not her boyfriend and she is not your girlfriend. She may be the girl promised to you because your parents and her parents want that and she is going along with it. To me, when she went away, she hoped you would not wait so she could get out of this arrangement. Why have you never kissed her? Do you like girls? Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 If you were truly a couple, you wouldn't have to ask her five years into whatever you had, whether you were a couple. How do you define dating? What made your relationship with her different than your relationship with your other friends? Were the topics you discussed different? Was it the amount of time spent together? Anyway, based on her most recent response, it sounds as if you're on your own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author v0d4l98 Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this. For 7 years...... You have been, what? Her best friend? The kissing, sex and lust part is what separates a friend from a boy friend. So you have been friends - and all these years you have been waiting and hoping that she will - what? Suddenly become sexually attracted to you and take it to the next level? Are you both virgins waiting for marriage? Neither of you have been dating anyone else for these SEVEN YEARS? Honestly, I have never heard of such a thing. Yes it is unusual for a guy, or a gal to wait this long. What are you hoping for? Do you really think it will happen? That what, 8 or 9 years down the road she will suddenly feel like you are the one, become sexually attracted to you and marry you? From what you have said here, it sounds like you are hopelessly friend zoned. @RecentChanges, i didnt enter all the details of the story cause it will be too long, but here's what she said and the reason im waiting. She is focusing on her career and building her future because she want us to have a good future.. i dont know if i believe in that.. yeah, i think im the friendzone area, but im not sure.. we are more of a MU,, or should i say mutual understanding, its more of a middle think, between gf and friendship.. anyways.. that how she describe it Link to post Share on other sites
Author v0d4l98 Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 You act like anyother couple except the kissing part for 7 years? Sorry to tell you this, you were never a couple. Yep, i did think that we are not a couple, but kinda.. but i did not raise my bars high cause i dont want to expect.. but men, 7years is a long time.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author v0d4l98 Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 It might also be naive to believe that, as a healthy young adult, she's not (and I'm trying to be gentle here) involved in various social activities in the two years you've been apart. The two of you are wasting some prime years... Mr. Lucky We have been busy building careers in the 2 years, we have plans in working abroad.. and she already departed almost 1 year ago.. hoping i would follow next.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author v0d4l98 Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 Where are you from? This doesn't sound like anyone I know so guessing you're from a different culture. If you have never even kissed the girl in 7 years, in my opinion, you are not her boyfriend and she is not your girlfriend. She may be the girl promised to you because your parents and her parents want that and she is going along with it. To me, when she went away, she hoped you would not wait so she could get out of this arrangement. Why have you never kissed her? Do you like girls? Whe are in a country where the woman is conservative thats why we have to respect them that much, i dont want to do any advancement in her cause it will damage what we have.. we are exclusively dating, and yes we are not dating other people, only the two of us, Link to post Share on other sites
Author v0d4l98 Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 If you were truly a couple, you wouldn't have to ask her five years into whatever you had, whether you were a couple. How do you define dating? What made your relationship with her different than your relationship with your other friends? Were the topics you discussed different? Was it the amount of time spent together? Anyway, based on her most recent response, it sounds as if you're on your own. We are kinda sweet in each other, we do any couples do, we go out, we date each other, like what i said exclusively dating.. we dont entertain other people, but i dont why this is happening.. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 (edited) And why can't you build your careers while being a couple? You know that is what most people do right? I met my husband in my sr year of college - we graduated, moved in together and started our careers. Just like the majority of our married friends. Again, are you two virgins waiting for marriage? Most people have sex with the one they are interested in sharing their life with. What have most couples you know done? I am betting most haven't remained kissless for the better part of a decade. For the vast majority of people this day and age dating includes sex, at the very least kissing. What do you do on these dates that friends wouldn't do? Edited February 28, 2017 by RecentChange Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Just saw you are from a different culture / country. No idea what the norm is there...... But 7 years is a very very long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author v0d4l98 Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 If you were truly a couple, you wouldn't have to ask her five years into whatever you had, whether you were a couple. How do you define dating? What made your relationship with her different than your relationship with your other friends? Were the topics you discussed different? Was it the amount of time spent together? Anyway, based on her most recent response, it sounds as if you're on your own. I actually ask her more than once, even before that 5 year mark. We are exclusively dating, we dont see other people, we go out the two of us, we dont flirt.. but men, 7 years is no joke.. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 By now she thinks of you as her brother or the guy she's condemned to marry, not sure which, but it's not conducive to romance. I think worldwide if two starry eyed kids are in love, they will sneak around far quicker than 7 years and have a kiss and cuddle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tnya Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Guess this has to be culture thing. Back in my school days, I used to have friends who never engage in sex or any kind of physical contact even though they like each other. They wait until marriage, and think of premarital sex as committing a sin Assuming that's the case with you, probably your friend's thinking has changed once she moved abroad. People change , preferences change so she might not be the person who u knew 7 years back. The best thing you could do is to move on, since you cannot force someone to love you. For few : distance makes heart grow fonder but on the other hand there are few other people who believe in: out of sight is out of mind Move on and try to find another gal who loves you/treats you as a special person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author v0d4l98 Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 And why can't you build your careers while being a couple? You know that is what most people do right? I met my husband in my sr year of college - we graduated, moved in together and started our careers. Just like the majority of our married friends. Again, are you two virgins waiting for marriage? Most people have sex with the one they are interested in sharing their life with. What have most couples you know done? I am betting most haven't remained kissless for the better part of a decade. For the vast majority of people this day and age dating includes sex, at the very least kissing. What do you do on these dates that friends wouldn't do? I actually ask her the same question you are asking me, she answered me she is not yet mentally prepared to be in a relationship but in the same time she wants me.. And yes, she is a virgin with no boyfriend since birth.. I cant really tell what things we do that are couples only do.. cause sex and kiss is the thing that we normally dont do.. we flirt with each other, be there when someone needs to be there, go outing just the two of us.. and yeah, its like a friendzone **** that i didnt plan.. we go out on a valentines something like that.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author v0d4l98 Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 Just saw you are from a different culture / country. No idea what the norm is there...... But 7 years is a very very long time. Yeah 7 years is a freaking long time Link to post Share on other sites
Author v0d4l98 Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 By now she thinks of you as her brother or the guy she's condemned to marry, not sure which, but it's not conducive to romance. I think worldwide if two starry eyed kids are in love, they will sneak around far quicker than 7 years and have a kiss and cuddle. I dont want to be that way.. oh my Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Horizons expand when people leave home. By going overseas, she's discovered that what she wants is different than what her parents envisioned for her. Unfortunately, it would seem from your exchanges, that she isn't planning to share her future with you. That was your dream and/or her parents' dream for her. She seems to have other ideas. Link to post Share on other sites
Author v0d4l98 Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 Horizons expand when people leave home. By going overseas, she's discovered that what she wants is different than what her parents envisioned for her. Unfortunately, it would seem from your exchanges, that she isn't planning to share her future with you. That was your dream and/or her parents' dream for her. She seems to have other ideas. Im sorry, maybe you misunderstood what i said, this is not planned by our parents or anything, i just courted her then continue to do so until now.. thanks for the advice anyway Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 So what is the magic number for when you ask her to marry you? Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Im sorry, maybe you misunderstood what i said, this is not planned by our parents or anything, i just courted her then continue to do so until now.. thanks for the advice anyway Perhaps you misunderstand "and/or?" At any rate, you are the one who mentioned parents being approving that you were "dating" earlier in the thread. If they weren't supportive of you dating, then they'll be thrilled that she's leaving you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author v0d4l98 Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 So what is the magic number for when you ask her to marry you? Shes planning to get back in our countrt by then ill be asking her if she want to marry me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author v0d4l98 Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 Perhaps you misunderstand "and/or?" At any rate, you are the one who mentioned parents being approving that you were "dating" earlier in the thread. If they weren't supportive of you dating, then they'll be thrilled that she's leaving you. Im sorry, yes the parents of the girl likes me, but its still up to her whether she likes me or not.. nope, they are just being supportive of our situation Link to post Share on other sites
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