starlitnight Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 I've been living with my roommate for 4 years or so. We get along well and care about each other. After I moved in with him, we started sleeping together since we were both single and have high sex drives. Soon after, he fell in love with me, but I did not fall in love with him. At the time, I had just moved back to the area and was very limited on places I could live. A friend I had known for a few years offered me a place to stay for awhile. Unbeknownst to me (I had been living overseas), thousands of people in my field were just laid off in the area. It was so difficult to find a job so I took on small jobs here and there and looked for any work. It was a difficult time for me, but my roommate made a lot of money and didn't mind if I stayed while things were sorted. I was grateful, but I also felt like I HAD to continue sleeping with him and HAD to keep him happy, or he would kick me out and I'd have nowhere to go. He never suggested that and likely wouldn't ever have done that, but I was nervous about it anyway. The end result was that I started to resent him horribly. I always told him I didn't love him and didn't think we should date, but he continued to hope and I felt like I couldn't date, I couldn't think of anywhere else in the area to live, and I just felt trapped. As time went on, I finally got a full-time job in my field. I then sat him down and told him I didn't want to be intimate anymore and I explained how I had been feeling. He was very surprised and felt bad but insisted he never would have made me leave - regardless of how he felt about me, his family had moved out of state and he didn't have many friends in the area anymore, so he really relied on me and would rather have my friendship than nothing at all. It was pretty bumpy - he was very sad when he realized we would never date and the transition was hard, but we got through it. We both started dating other people. 2 years passed, and in this last year we both had a significant other of 6 months or more. Currently we are both single, and I'm just really confused as to my feelings here...in that I'm not sure what they are. When he started dating his now ex-girlfriend, I was feeling pretty jealous, and I'm not sure why. Selfish and used to him being in love with me? Developing feelings? I didn't say anything because after all of this the LAST thing I want to do is hurt him more or lead him on. I find that I'm more attracted to his face, but I'm not attracted at all to hs body. I find I don't want to date other guys, but I don't know if that's because I'm just so exhausted and disappointed with dating and my roommate is familiar, or what. Finally, I can't really imagine kissing my roommate and I don't really want him to touch me, but I also feel like I love him - maybe not 'in love', but I do feel like I love him. So...what's going on? Do I not really love him, or just as a friend, or am I reacting to a years past situation where I felt trapped and depressed, and I just associate him with that now? If anyone can shed some light I'd be glad. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 You just aren't very attracted to him. But you have a high sex drive or you probably never would have even considered it given you're not very attracted to him. I'm glad you were both dating. I'm afraid it's just a case of you don't want him enough to do him justice. You are lukewarm about him. But because you know him well and did have sex, you don't really enjoy him having other women. I would say you shouldn't be living with him at all. It's probably hard on both of you, probably him more than you. You got in a tight spot and did what you felt you had to do and I don't judge you for that, as long as you don't continue to just use him for survival. If you are going to do that, you owe him exclusivity and to really make an effort to make it worth his while so it's not all one-sided by doing things around the house, etc. Have you ever dated someone you were really excited about or think you can find someone that will be a better match that you will be attracted to? If so, you owe it to yourself to move out and get what you feel you'd be happy with. If not, decide if you need to be with someone or not. I'm afraid if you got back into it with him again, he's probably got resentments and probably can't trust you now. And then you're still not that into him. I say get away and at least try to start a new life. Link to post Share on other sites
AlmostFamous Posted February 18, 2017 Share Posted February 18, 2017 I think you liked the sex a lot and wish that continued even though you wanted it to stop. He said he liked you,treated you very well,gave you good sex from what i can tell. Be careful what you wish for,you sent him off to be with someone else and now you are thinking deep inside you have feelings for him more than you thought. I think you are thinking you are worried of letting a good thing go and you may not have the chance to get him back. Well you should try your best to understand what you are feeling then have the conversation you need to have with him,whatever that may be.Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Thought about starting a journal? Link to post Share on other sites
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