February Girl Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 (edited) I have a close male colleague whom I've known for only about 7 months since I moved to this new city and workplace. I had a crush on him initially because he is attractively quirky and nerdy, but he's usually not my type. Soon I was dating someone else and I also found out this colleague was in a LDR with his college sweetheart. Luckily I didn't make a move. We were always hanging out after work with another female colleague. I've grown close to them since I don't know many people here. But since this female friend started dating again, and I have broken up with my boyfriend, I always seek this male friend's companion when I'm bored. We'd do cool things together like entering the Escape Room and watching adventure movies. Then recently this male friend is single again. He and his long distance girlfriend have ended it because of the distance. But he also told me his feelings for her have faded. I've met her - she's pretty and tomboyish. They had been together since sophomore year. I'm kinda sad for them, but at the same time I'm happy he's available. We've been hanging out almost every day lately. We even plan to be miserable together on Valentine's. I'm (guiltily) starting to hope this could bloom into something more than friendship. But I don't know how he feels about me. Besides, he's probably on a rebound, right? Plus, they had been together for so long; what if they got back together? Should I do something about these feelings of mine? Edited February 3, 2017 by February Girl Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 I don't think you should do anything about these alleged feelings right now. Based on your other thread I don't think you can trust yourself to know the difference between real feelings / genuine interest & your admitted love for Valentine's Day & strong desire not to be alone on V-day & your birthday. I think those two upcoming dates are coloring your perspective. If you want to spend Valentine's Day with your work colleague, I think it's good that you at least understand that he's rebounding so not in a good place to start something with you. Spending the day the day together would be OK but do something NOT romantic. Go bowling . . .avoid low lighting. Go easy on the alcohol. Do not be alone together somewhere conducive to kissing. Eat in a well let diner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author February Girl Posted February 3, 2017 Author Share Posted February 3, 2017 Thank you! I understand what you mean. It IS kind of a dangerous territory we're going, since I'm feeling mushy due to the "special days" and he's on the rebound. I'll make sure we do non-romantic things or...I can TRY to be alone. Thank you again for your close observation. I appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tribble Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 I agree with d0nnivain. But I would advise trying to be alone. Looking at your other thread, this is totally the best option for you. You're desperately trying not to be alone. You've considered your exes and now this guy. You're also place emotional significance on these days. From what you've said, regardless of your intentions going into it, I think you'll get swept up with this new guy. That is dangerous as he is on the rebound and you are likely to get hurt. Even if nothing happens, I'd wager you'll end up disappointed because you're secretly hoping something would happen. I completely understand how you feel. I've been there too many times myself. You think you can handle something platonic and you end up regretting or disappointed. Look after yourself and do something for you on Valentines. Link to post Share on other sites
Author February Girl Posted February 3, 2017 Author Share Posted February 3, 2017 I agree with d0nnivain. But I would advise trying to be alone. Looking at your other thread, this is totally the best option for you. You're desperately trying not to be alone. You've considered your exes and now this guy. You're also place emotional significance on these days. From what you've said, regardless of your intentions going into it, I think you'll get swept up with this new guy. That is dangerous as he is on the rebound and you are likely to get hurt. Even if nothing happens, I'd wager you'll end up disappointed because you're secretly hoping something would happen. I completely understand how you feel. I've been there too many times myself. You think you can handle something platonic and you end up regretting or disappointed. Look after yourself and do something for you on Valentines. Okay then. Thank you for your opinion. I'm gonna read up on cool ways for singles to spend V-Day alone. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Do you have any single women friends? Consider having a girls night out. Try to find pleasure in your own time and thoughts. If there's a restaurant or event that looks interesting, go solo and enjoy yourself. You can stay friends with this guy, but I'd put more effort into meeting other people that you can socialize with. There's always time to reassess your feelings about him in a few months and see if it's worth pursuing. Link to post Share on other sites
confusedchap Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 I agree with the others. I wouldn't rule it out completely, but I definitely wouldn't do anything at the moment, when there is the risk of impaired judgement on both sides. He just got out of a long term relationship, and will probably be looking elsewhere for comfort. You could et hurt very easily! You should hang out as friends until you feel both of you are able to think more clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
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