Is she out of her mind!!!?

[Ninazee]

I'm sorry its a very long text , I really need your reply to help me and advice me what shall i do next.

 

Well, I'm a 26years old Girl I had a 5 years crush on my female boss when i was 18. She was 33 and now she is 39 She was married to a guy for 6 years back then but he lives aboard to continue studying based on their decision everyone was saying that she loves her husband and she is happy, when i knew that i kinda took a step back because i didn't want to complicated her life but She kinda gave me some hints and i really had that thought in my mind that she would be okay with the idea.

 

so we become really close and we started texting for like 24/7 normal texts just checking on how is she and what is she doing and talk. after 2 years i decided to act drunk and tell her that im bisexual to know what her reaction will be .

 

she was kinda shocked and was trying to understand what happened and she used to tell me maybe someone convinced you with this i don't believe its a right thing to do and stuff like that . told her everything and then we started talking more about my sex life back then and she was interested and never judged anything. she was just asking and interested.

 

I didn't want to tell her directly because we reached that level of friendship i didn't want to ruin if she doesn't have the same feelings. i always felt she is interested in me as i am interested in her but we never talk about it .

 

During 2014 - 2016 I use to see her everyday at work , go out after work, then i had a thought in my mind that i want to invite her to my house and have weed. maybe she would tell me something. so on my birthday i did and she came and we had weed nothing happened . we used to go for a private pool only for us and sleep over and also i couldn't say anything or try to do anything i was always scared to lose the friendship or was afraid of rejection.

 

On day we went to that private pool and she was touching me and giving so much hints that was obvious so i touched her back and we kissed then she told me to stop so i did. the next day nothing happened all went back to the normal friendship again.

 

June 2016 i moved for a much better job and ,she had a divorce with her husband and that was her choice because she said he is a different man now and he changed and he has so much doubt about her and jealousy over stupid things. *PS they don't have any children because she has a problem .

 

During the divorce phase She was in a very bad situation after that depression always saying i don't know what to do ,i'm not gonna find the right one here, maybe i should travel. so she was in a total mess the only thought in her mind that she doesn't want to end up alone and she just want to find a man and she always tells me i wish you are a guy i would have married you . "She doesn't believe living or settling with a girl is a right thing to do".

 

 

Because i love her so much i just want her to be happy even if its not with me , i told her about a dating site and that in this site she really might someone suitable for what she wants. like an open minded guy living aboard. i thought this was the best idea and that suits what she wants.

 

A month after the divorce she told me "i want to go to a hotel swim and chill i'm stressed i need to relax" so i was like fine. i want that too. we went 3 times to a hotel and had full sex . and everytime i see her like everyday we kiss and make love in the car or at the house. all the time those months were the best of my life because i finally knew that she had feelings for me . while having sex she always tells me i adore you i love you don't leave. so i felt good that i didn't waste that much time on her for nothing, at least she has feelings for me and said it .

 

so She talked to few guys on the dating site, then started talking to some guy and told me directly that she likes the way he talks and his look so she told me lets talk to him together maybe you could tell me your opinion, we talked and he was so into sex and threesomes and fantasies; and i know her personality she won't accept to have a marriage with this kind of guys because she refuse those idea with the partner and that she want a normal relationships.i told her he is not the right one . she said maybe he fell in love with me and that i can change him , things got more serious and he was always telling her tell me when you are ready so we can get married.

 

Because i had a bad reaction about him . she continued talking to him without telling me anything at all. then she was talking to me lightly not like before . reply on my texts after 6 hours, No calls. i knew that she was talking to him i was so mad that she is ignoring my msgs i was so pissed and i was so mad telling her how could you just ignore me for a guy you haven't even see him wtf is wrong with you ? and then she said "no that's not true i was busy at work i have so many tasks that's it "

 

Nov 2016 we went on a ride after few days and she told me listen we need to stop this i don't want to drink anymore and i don't want to have sex this is wrong and in religion (Muslim) its not acceptable and suddenly she turned to be religious lol. so i was like fine. i don't care as long as we are friends we can be just like before she said yes this is what i want. and if you were mad about that guy i don't talk to him and i don't want to. while she was talking she answered a phone call saying hey,Yeah,Sure,Will talk later,Take Care!! and she didn't tell me anything. i got so mad because i felt she is lying and she is the one who always tells me you can do whatever just don't lie i mean she taught me not to lie about anything and now she is lying i was shocked and i told her i want to go home.and never discussed anything with her.

 

when i went back home i thought about our relationship and i had that idea that she is going to leave me for any guy anyway so i sent a text telling her that i loved you and we had so much memories and i wish you the best of luck and she replied with you are the best and if thats is your choice then i will not push wish you all the best of luck . that's it .

 

she never send anything for 6 days, in those days i was thinking maybe that was a bad decision and before we even had this relationship i just wanted her to be as a friend so why did i do that .then i sent her. how are you she was like find i told her maybe i took a fast decision she told me i'm happy you had a second thought about it. and we started talking again but also not 24/7 , just few texts in a day.

 

*She told me she stopped talking to that guy living aboard because his life doesn't suits her and that she is heartbroken and depressed and that she had feelings for him and she always complain about why wrong people always come for me .

 

at 2016 new years i went to a party , and she went to another one, she texted me at 12.00am happy new year my love. you are the best , i wish you are a man, i was like talking normal replying with well i'm not a man i wish that to but all i want is the best for you . *PS i met a girl there we kissed and i see her every few days but she said i that she doesn't want to hurt me she don't want me to fall in love with her and she only wants friendship with benefits and i was like fine thanks for telling me. and i told HER "My manager" that. i never lied about anything

 

the next day she told me she had wine!! and that was only for the new years and she will not do it again! i was like huh. yeah.we kept texting like this but i always wanted to see her and talk and she always tells me i'm so much busy at work and so many stuff with family so literally. i haven't seen her since the last drive on Late Nov.

 

Then i was in some club i saw a girl used to work with us. she always used to say i like her looks she's beautiful but they weren't close when i was working with her my manager she was with me the entire time. i texted her hey listen i saw tutu she said i know! so i was shocked , i told her how come you know thats weird. because that girl she wasn't even close to anyone at work and she doesn't share any personal info about where she hangs out and everything. so i had doubts that they are talking .

 

I talked to tutu's best friend the next morning and asked her about her relationship with my manager she said yeah they are so close and they go out to cinema's and hangout all the time. when she told me that i felt so bad i cried, that literally broke my heart into pieces . all what i had in mind is Why!! why she lied and why she is doing that after she told me she won't have this kind of relationship with anyone! the next morning i texted her saying well you have time to hangout with tutu but i don't have time to see me to talk about your life! she called me for an hour telling me are you crazy! what are you thinking that if i went out with tutu that i might have sex with her? we are just friends and you are crazy and kept convincing me about that they are only friends and that tutu gave her attention and always asks her to go out and that she was fine . not planned. i tried to believe it because my thoughts just breaks my heart.

 

2 days after i met my bestfriend he was a guy also used to work with me and still working with her . i told him about that i have doubts about her relationship with tutu he said i want to tell you something. he told me that he saw her going out many times on the car with some guy at work 23years old! a very close minded guy i used to know him when i used to work there ! i was like OMG that was the real shock !!

 

i texted her at night telling her if you want to date a 23y close minded guy and he is your employee you should be smart enough to hide it because all the staff know it and that not good for your career and reputation . she called me and we talked for 6 hours! she denied it at first then i kept asking she said yes. he loves me whats wrong with him that he is younger. this is love and i love him and he loves me very much and he told me he loved me since a very long time and and that he wants to marry me. that talk even broke my heart even more! i gave her advices about him she said yeah i should stop talking to him because his family refused anyway and i will get more lost so i should find a way to stop this.

 

i went out with her later and keep telling her you don't deserve this you deserve the best man in the whole world why you want to make the same mistake you did with your ex because he is the same ,you are smart beautiful with a very strong personality what happened to you!! you are a totally different person! You were Strong you had standards everything changed ! so now she is trying to stop talking to him.

 

2 days ago she told me Tutu wants me to go with her for Salsa trial you wanna come and i want you to come i told her no i have to study i have an exam." i could but i really won't be able to take the idea of seeing them together" .

 

Now she is talking lightly to me again! no calls no texts! I'm so broken and so fed up with trying to fix things with her Whall shall i do ? why is she doing this ? just dating younger guys , dating girls, she is in a total mess i understand , but why is she doing that to herself!!!? What can i do ? shall i stop talking to her ? i'm really lost and confused and don't know what to do . i just wish she never talks to me. i can't stop talking to her its like an addiction . but when i ignore she keeps talking the same again! thats killing me seriously!

[preraph]

Look, she's not really into women. She was open minded and gave it a shot, but she's not. You're too embroiled in her life. You should now basically consider yourself an ex and get some distance emotionally and start dating others. Good luck.

[Ninazee]

Thanks for reading and your reply, well i did consider my self an ex and i started dating again and i like someone now. i think i am able to move on but everytime i do she go back again go out kiss hold my hand and tells me i'm lost. i really wish that she won't ever talk to me because being with her is just hurting me more than its fun. and i feel i'd be selfish if i left her and go lost like this right?

[preraph]

Yes, it's not going to work still trying to be friends with her. You probably just need to move on from her, distance yourself. If seeing her she tries to pull your strings, then don't see her in person very often.

[Ninazee]

Yes, it's not going to work still trying to be friends with her. You probably just need to move on from her, distance yourself. If seeing her she tries to pull your strings, then don't see her in person very often.

Well yeah i did distance myself away from her for a while. and fine went out couple of times like normal friends and everything was fine. the other day i went to a club with a girl i'm dating and she called me like where are you i wanna pass by for an hour to see you so i was like okay she came. and she was just holding me and kissing me all over, infront of anyone! deep emotional kisses! What now?:/