Am I Just Clueless?

[Jlec93]

Ok I'm sorry that this is extremely long but I'm just trying to give you guys the best idea of what's going on that I possibly can!

 

Okay so me and think girl have been friends since we were 16. We've known each other our entire lives (my aunts and her mother are good friends.) I would say that we didn't really become friends until we were 16 and started hanging out. I would say me and her have been best friends since we were both about 19. I will honestly say that I am in love with her and have been since I was probably 20. Right now I'm 23 and she is 22. She has known how I felt about her for about that entire time (the past 3 years.) Well a few years ago when I'd try and ask her out or ask her how she felt about me she told me she didn't have any feelings for me and that we would probably never be together. That was really hard for me to accept and I still really wasn't willing to move on but then she started dating this other guy who was her other best friend besides me (I always hated him.) Now what's interesting is back when they were just friends she told him that they would never end up together and that she had no feelings for him but they ended up dating for about a year and a half until they broke up this past summer.

 

Well fast forward to this past October and I told her how much I hated seeing her be with her ex-boyfriend because the guy was a jackass and he ended up cheating on her... and I admitted to her that the only reason I had dated this girl that I did in 2015 was in order to try and get over her being with someone else. Well that didn't work and I felt bad for my girlfriend at the time that I had much stronger feelings for my friend than I ever could for her so I broke it off after about 6 months. I told my friend this and she thought it was sweet and liked that I was being completely honest with her. After I told her this I began to notice just small changes in the way that she treated me. She would text me saying things like "come snuggle with me, I'm cold." or like "I wish I could come snuggle with you right now." One day she was joking about some guy being in one of her friends "friend zones" I said to her god I can only imagine how deep in the friend zone I am with you.. which she responded to saying you're not deep in the friend zone at all... actually... I was kind of surprised and happy at the same time but I sort of just left it at that....

 

Well then come November there was a bit of a speed bump. Her ex boyfriend fell down 4 flights of stairs and got severely hurt and was in the hospital for weeks. Everyday she was over the hospital for anywhere from 2 - 4 hours trying to help take care of him. This made me angry and a little jealous (I guess I overreacted a bit) and so I stopped talking to her for about 3 weeks. Well 3 weeks passed and she texted me saying please answer me, I need you ....she said I've never ever told anyone in my entire life that I need them but I'm willingly to admit to you right now that I need you in my life more than anyone! With you not in my life I feel like I'm missing a huge part of me and I feel empty, and when you're not in my life I feel like everything else in my life is just not good. So I talked to her and told her how I felt about her again and that I was just a little mad or even jealous that she was spending all this time with him again, and she told me she just felt bad about what happened that she still cared about him as a person and just wanted to try and help him that she'd do the same for me. So we moved past it and started talking and hanging out again.

 

Okay well fast forward again to the last few weeks... I've noticed some more changes with her towards me. She would start asking me a lot more questions about my past relationship what I'm like in a relationship like would I ever do whatever whatever just asking me different questions giving me different scenario questions. I noticed she also got a lot more touchy with me. Before the last few weeks physical contact was at a minimum. Now I noticed in the car her arms almost always touching mine, shes constantly grabbing my arm or shoulder. When she starts laughing she always touches my chest or hand. The last few days shes even touched my face and beard.

Then today (this is the whole reason I'm really writing this) she texted me that she feels like I've been spending way too much money on her lately and that this weekend she wants to go on a date (that's another thing she's been doing...every time we go out she's been referring to them as dates now) and pay for it herself and that she really likes me... I said to her what do you mean you really like me like as more than just a friend? She sent me a reply saying "I just love you period." Then another text saying "yeah." Then she told me "I don't think you have any idea how much I love you, you're my favorite person on the planet." Then I said to her "well if I'm you're favorite person on the planet and you love me so much do you wanna finally give me a chance?" She responded with "lol yea lets." I said to her wait what does that mean that you want to actually date me? Then she responded with "lol" and changed the subject.... I really don't know what to think in my mind I took the lol response negatively, on the other hand I'm thinking maybe she only said lol because it was a dumb question because she already just said yes. The lets part just sort of threw me off. So do you guys think she actually likes me and I'm just clueless or what I don't know what to think please help me out.

[preraph]

I think she wants to see if it will work if you two date. It won't work if you remain hesitant to make a physical move. You've done pretty well being up front and talking to her and asking her things. Tell her you definitely want to try dating but that for however long it lasts, even if it doesn't work out, you need to not worry about other guys, and see if she is willing to put dating other guys on hold while she gives you a shot.

 

Then take her on a real date, pick her up, drop her off, kiss her at the door -- and make it good. I have to warn you this whole thing may implode because it is Hard to go from being friends to being physical. She may think she can do it and then realize as soon as it starts that it feels incestuous or something. But you need to take your best shot at holding her and kissing her and making her want more for this to have a chance to get off the ground.

 

Go for it.

[Jlec93]

I think she wants to see if it will work if you two date. It won't work if you remain hesitant to make a physical move. You've done pretty well being up front and talking to her and asking her things. Tell her you definitely want to try dating but that for however long it lasts, even if it doesn't work out, you need to not worry about other guys, and see if she is willing to put dating other guys on hold while she gives you a shot.

 

Then take her on a real date, pick her up, drop her off, kiss her at the door -- and make it good. I have to warn you this whole thing may implode because it is Hard to go from being friends to being physical. She may think she can do it and then realize as soon as it starts that it feels incestuous or something. But you need to take your best shot at holding her and kissing her and making her want more for this to have a chance to get off the ground.

 

Go for it.

 

Thank you I appreciate the in depth answer, I am definitely going to try and progress things with her, I just pray it's the right move. :\

[mightycpa]

I have to warn you this whole thing may implode because it is Hard to go from being friends to being physical. She may think she can do it and then realize as soon as it starts that it feels incestuous or something. But you need to take your best shot at holding her and kissing her and making her want more for this to have a chance to get off the ground.

 

Go for it.

Yeah, not to mention you've known each other your whole lives, so there's that brother-sister thing that develops, even though you're not. Or cousins, depending on how often you saw each other.

 

I'd suggest you lay off the "love talk" too. Just have fun, lots of fun, treat her nice and have fun. Make sure she has a great time. If you focus on feelings too soon, you'll f*ck it up. Your main goal is to prove to her that things can be just as great with you on the inside as with you on the outside. Apply the pressure of how you feel, and pretty soon, she'll wonder if she can keep up.

 

Good luck!

[Jlec93]

Yeah, not to mention you've known each other your whole lives, so there's that brother-sister thing that develops, even though you're not. Or cousins, depending on how often you saw each other.

 

I'd suggest you lay off the "love talk" too. Just have fun, lots of fun, treat her nice and have fun. Make sure she has a great time. If you focus on feelings too soon, you'll f*ck it up. Your main goal is to prove to her that things can be just as great with you on the inside as with you on the outside. Apply the pressure of how you feel, and pretty soon, she'll wonder if she can keep up.

 

Good luck!

 

Yeah no definitely I am not trying to smother the girl with feelings or anything I know like how to date a girl and everything I just can't really tell if it seems like that's what she really wants to do I just guess my best thing to do would be find out!

[preraph]

At this point, except for seeing if she's willing to focus on you, I too agree it's time for more actions and less words.

[Jlec93]

Okay well here is an update:

 

Well once again I honestly don't know how to feel. I'm not sure if I'm just being played with, or if she is just confused or what. So she told me today that it turns out that I'm not going to get a chance with her. She's really liking this one guy that she knew years ago that came back into her life recently and she really wants to give him a chance but she's scared to fall in love with him but swears she knows she'd fall for this dude really fast if they dated. This honestly really sort of made me sad. I told her I was sort of disappointed that I was hoping maybe I'd finally get my chance, and she told me basically what I really just want to do is just get in her pants when in all honesty that's not my intention at all. If she told me that all of a sudden she became religious and I couldn't have sex with her unless we got married someday I wouldn't even care I'd be perfectly fine with that cause I care about her not sex she also told me that it doesn't matter anyways because no guy is going to get a chance with her period (but yet she was literally just saying how she thinks shes going to give that guy a chance...)... I just don't know.... she sent me a explicit photo 2 days ago (use your imagination) so I thought hmm maybe she really does like me cause the next day after she said all those things to me I'm getting a naughty photograph. (I didn't ask her for it or anything like that it just happened.) I don't know I'm having thoughts of like maybe I should just cut her out of my life completely because it seems like she's just toying with my heart and it'd be the best thing to do for myself, but here is the thing I never put myself first and I'd feel bad just up and abandoning our friendship like that.... but then at the same time I don't think I can talk to her and be her friend and hang out with her without those feelings eventually coming back (trust me I've tried....numerous times.) I just don't know what to do I'm more confused than ever.... any suggestions on what I should do?

Edited January 19, 2017 by Jlec93