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He's semi homeless [UPDATE: I am at a certain point now]


mortensorchid

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mortensorchid

This was unexpected ...

 

Apparently a few weeks/months ago I friended someone on Facebook, a mutual friend of a friend (who I actually know, not an internet friend). He liked a lot of my updates and posts. Then tonight he sends me an IM out of the blue, he lives in CA and said he likes my Facebook posts. We began to chat on the IM. He used to live in my city but a job took him out to the west coast, he wants to move back because he wants to be close to his daughter (who lives here). He is friends with my friend N, I asked if he knows N's next door neighbor because he and I used to be bf/gf. But we've been broken up for a long time now, almost 18 years. He stopped for a moment and said "18 years? That's a long time." I said yes, it was, we're still good friends. I have a photo of myself posted of me in my high school uniform on my Facebook page, it was my eternal birthday present because I made it a goal to be able to put on my high school uniform at age 40. And I did.

 

The photo was meant to be a combination funny / achievement photo, but true, some can see it as sexy. I understand that, but I think he thought I was a 25 year old, or ... Younger still? He's going to make an obvious gesture towards me the next time he is in town. But I'm not going to approach this other than what it is or sounds like to me: That he thought I was Lolita rather than a woman his age. Am I wrong to think this about him? And should I follow through and actually meet him when he's in town ... He's just looking for sex and I should approach it that way. It's what it is.

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I doubt he thought you were 25. Even if he did, a 40 or whatever year old hitting on a 25 year old isn't exactly skeezy.

 

Your final couple sentences: do you want to meet him for casual sex? If that interests you, go for it. If you don't think you'll get anything from it, or you don't feel you can keep emotions separate, don't.

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I don't see where you get that he thought you were 25 or 18 or whatever, unless it was an old photo or something?

I would think the 18 years comment is more surprise that you would have any contact with someone you broke up with so long ago.

 

I also don't necessarily see he is just looking for sex, unless he has said stuff you haven't mentioned.

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This was unexpected ...

 

Apparently a few weeks/months ago I friended someone on Facebook, a mutual friend of a friend (who I actually know, not an internet friend). He liked a lot of my updates and posts. Then tonight he sends me an IM out of the blue, he lives in CA and said he likes my Facebook posts. We began to chat on the IM. He used to live in my city but a job took him out to the west coast, he wants to move back because he wants to be close to his daughter (who lives here). He is friends with my friend N, I asked if he knows N's next door neighbor because he and I used to be bf/gf. But we've been broken up for a long time now, almost 18 years. He stopped for a moment and said "18 years? That's a long time." I said yes, it was, we're still good friends. I have a photo of myself posted of me in my high school uniform on my Facebook page, it was my eternal birthday present because I made it a goal to be able to put on my high school uniform at age 40. And I did.

 

The photo was meant to be a combination funny / achievement photo, but true, some can see it as sexy. I understand that, but I think he thought I was a 25 year old, or ... Younger still? He's going to make an obvious gesture towards me the next time he is in town. But I'm not going to approach this other than what it is or sounds like to me: That he thought I was Lolita rather than a woman his age. Am I wrong to think this about him?

 

How does a photo of you now in a school uniform have anything to do with him being taken aback that you're still friends with an ex you broke up with 18 years ago?

 

I seriously doubt he thought you were under 25. If he knows your friends, he'll know the age range of them and by extrapolation, be able to figure out that you'd be a contemporary of theirs. So, yeah, I think you're making astounding and baseless leaps with no firm place to land. You sound like you've already assign him his role to justify dismissing him even before laying eyes on him.

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mortensorchid
How does a photo of you now in a school uniform have anything to do with him being taken aback that you're still friends with an ex you broke up with 18 years ago?

 

I seriously doubt he thought you were under 25. If he knows your friends, he'll know the age range of them and by extrapolation, be able to figure out that you'd be a contemporary of theirs. So, yeah, I think you're making astounding and baseless leaps with no firm place to land. You sound like you've already assign him his role to justify dismissing him even before laying eyes on him.

 

On the first point - I don't know.

 

On the second - I still get carded. But yes, if he knows my friends he would think I was closer to their age than the average 18-25 year old. Then again, I am the baby of my friend group, some are as old as 20 years older than me. It started shifting a few years ago to younger, but that's another story. As for my assigning him a role? Well, it really sounded like that to me. Odds are thin that I will meet the guy in the flesh to begin with. It was just one of those weird things.

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mortensorchid

For the past few months I had been chatting with this man that I met on Facebook. For some information, see this thread:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/600020-facebook-chat

 

Well, tonight, I decided to meet him as he has returned to my city. He moved here to be near his daughter who also lives here, as she and her mother had moved back here. I thought he was cruising for a 21 year old, as he thought I was much younger by my photos on Facebook. I told him I'm not 21, I'm 41. I think he was surprised. He also said a few things that made me think he was just cruising for sex. If so, it's what it is. But he didn't seem to be making any obvious references to the wants and needs. So I met him tonight.

 

He's a hippie, bit of a space cadet, always seems happy and smiling. He seemed a good guy, on the surface at least. He seems to want to see me a lot. I said on XMas Day I planned to see a movie as we are going to do family Christmas on the 24th instead of the 25th because of my sister's work schedule (she's a doctor). He said he wanted to see one with me, I said okay we could do that. Then he seemed anxious to want to spend NYE with me, I said I was not sure what I was doing for NYE if anything (which I am leaning towards being at home in front of the TV). Is it bad or paranoid of me to think this? I'm thinking he wants to be with someone because he wants to be with someone RIGHT NOW. Rushing into things? Any thoughts or feelings?

 

Happy Festivus.

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LivingWaterPlease

I said I was not sure what I was doing for NYE if anything (which I am leaning towards being at home in front of the TV). Is it bad or paranoid of me to think this? I'm thinking he wants to be with someone because he wants to be with someone RIGHT NOW. Rushing into things? Any thoughts or feelings?

 

Happy Festivus.

 

I'm trying to figure out what it is you're asking about being bad or paranoid to think?

 

Are you asking if it's bad or paranoid for you to think you're not sure what you're doing for NYE?

 

Or asking if it's bad or paranoid for you to think he wants to be with someone RIGHT NOW?

 

As to thoughts or feelings about the situation, if you live in OH and he's visiting from CA and you think there's a possibility you may be interested in him, in your place I'd commit to NYE if he's wanting to be with you then so that you can have more time to see how you like being with him.

 

To me, a person who wants to be with someone RIGHT NOW is normal and appealing (unless I don't like the person) as most folks would rather have companionship than not.

Edited by LivingWaterPlease
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If he rushes, then be straight with him. Tell him that if he is interested he needs to take it slower.

 

Is it hard to do that for you?

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mortensorchid

I guess it's the urgency that I feel from him that is kind of ... Odd. I guess because of so many lame experiences in the past with OLD and whatnot. I've had people ghost on me, some for most OLD experiences you meet them then you part ways and never hear from them again. Part of me also wonders if this guy is looking for some kind of stability - in that he just moved back here and he's trying to get settled here (he's staying with a friend for now, he's getting a car, etc.) I mean, those things take time to be sure, of course I don't know that for sure but something is telling me this is odd. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

 

I will see him on Christmas Day and see what happens then.

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You know, just keep your eyes open...

 

See if he is stable and he get a job an what not.

 

I am not saying that he is all that or not, but you are a grown woman, you should be able to tell.

 

I will say this, at this age of life if I find a woman I like, I am pretty direct. I really don't see a reason not to be. She is either in to me or not. I am not going to spend time playing a bunch of childish games.

 

So you will just have to see. He could be the "cool artsy user type" or he could be a happy go lucky hippy type which can really be fun people.

 

It does say something that he moved to be close to his child though. That shows some type of character at the very least.

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LivingWaterPlease
I guess it's the urgency that I feel from him that is kind of ... Odd...... of course I don't know that for sure but something is telling me this is odd. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

 

I will see him on Christmas Day and see what happens then.

 

 

Trust your gut, it rarely lies. Also, you have a mutual friend, don't you? Your FB friend? Can he or she shine any light on the situation?

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mortensorchid
Trust your gut, it rarely lies. Also, you have a mutual friend, don't you? Your FB friend? Can he or she shine any light on the situation?

 

I checked him out weeks ago with a mutual friend. He and I (the mutual friend N) are pretty tight, so I told him about this and questioned him. He said he's a good guy, a bit spacey (which I got the impression of) but otherwise alright. I will go forward with hope with this, it's good I will go forward with hope.

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You know, some of my best GF's were a little spacy, I just thought they were great.

 

Easy going, fun, interesting. I had a lot of fun with these girls...

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My thought that he is not rushing into things but just that he wants to have Christmas day and NYE tied up with you.

I guess he will not be seeing his daughter then, so doesn't want to spend those two days alone like some sort of a lonely bachelor. NOW he can say he has a hot date...

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mortensorchid

I had posted on this guy the other day. I met him for the first time on the 23rd (2 days ago). For more information see this thread:

 

[]

 

We are supposed to go see a movie tonight. I left something out of the first meeting story above, he has no car. Understandable, he just moved back here from CA. When I met him, I agreed I would pick him up, which I did. We had an evening. Then he said he would take the bus back and I didn't have to drive him home. I said alright. We are supposed to see each other today and ... He asked me to pick him up again. We had agreed we were going to meet at the movie theater. I did make a comment that he could very easily upload the Lyft / Uber app and then he could get a ride so he wouldn't have to rely on public transportation as much when last we met, he said he would get to that. And he didn't.

 

This ... I am wary about this. What do others think? He also said he's not at where he is staying where I picked him up the other day. He said he's staying with a friend until he can get a place. But now he's at another location, it could be his daughter's house which is fairly close but I have not asked whose house it is. Or am I being paranoid?

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It's obvious he is strapped for cash, doesn't want to tell you all about it because of his pride, and well it's the holidays, he is probably visiting people, family, etc.

 

Stop sabotaging something as simple as going on a date.

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travelbug1996

Why is he trying to date with no residence or transportation? I would never date a man that didn't even have the basics of his life sorted. That's just me though.

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To a certain extent I have to agree with the above comment. Sure, it takes time to settle in a new city but he doesn't even have his own place, he's staying at someone's place? Do you know if he has a job at the moment?

 

If he just moved to CA without sorting his stuff out (aka job/place/income/..) I'd be wary of his sense of responsibility.

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I dated a couple women with no transportation and no residence after they moved here. As long as the situation wasn't long term, it didn't bother me. My understanding is he's only been here a short period of time. If this situation goes on for a significant period of time, then you should be concerned.

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mortensorchid

I decided to see the guy after all. I was unsure of it, see this thread for more information:

[]

 

I thought I might as well do this. And this is not one of those woman taking care of a broke dude things that women tend to do, I should not be so paranoid or fearing a bad thing can/will happen or that I will be disappointed. You miss 100% of the shots you never take. So we met tonight. And he was a good guy based on what I know of him. I even kissed him good-bye. For my reservations on him see the above thread as well as this fact which I can see immediately : he and I are an odd pair. He's a hippie, I'm a punk rocker. It's too early to see what kind of good/bad there can be with this, but this is what it is.

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Ruby Slippers
Why is he trying to date with no residence or transportation? I would never date a man that didn't even have the basics of his life sorted. That's just me though.

Ditto. I've moved to other states and even other countries many times. I've never once moved without lining up my own place to live and transportation in advance. I wouldn't have any interest in a man who didn't take care of these basics and relied on dates to cart him around.

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The way he organizes himself is his. As long as he does not ask you for money or 'favors' there is no reason to judge him and his ways. They're might be a back story why he moved so promptly without being organized.

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What you don't realize is that punk rockers and hippies actually are kind of similar in the way that they view things.

 

They both have a distain for the "System" and "The Man", but they have different way of expressing them. PR's say "screw you man" and hippies say "OK, whatever dude".

 

As you get older it is actually easier to say "whatever dude". All that young PR energy can be used for more pleasant things.

 

Good luck with this one...

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