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Seriously mixed signals from a guy?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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  • 1 Post By Scarlett.O'hara
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Old 11th January 2017, 7:00 AM   #1
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Seriously mixed signals from a guy?

Okay. I really hope the way I word this will make sense. Essentially I have a guy best friend, and him and I are travelling the world together. Right now, we share a bed, are almost constantly with each other when we're not working, and knew each other pretty well. We've known each other for a few years and ive liked him for a good year and a half of it. I'm 22 and he's 25 by the way. Everyone who doesn't know us thinks we're dating, and for those who do know us, say like we act like we're in love with each other. My problem is this. My friend is going through a similar situation and has asked my friend what his opinion on her crush is. He said something along the lines of (if he takes you out and pays for you and acts cute, he probably likes you). The next day, we went out to dinner and a movie and he paid for everything no questions asked. Some days he acts extremely cute and boyfriend ish and other days he'll talk about how hot some girl is, or he'll push me to my side of the bed or just random little things. Everyone tells me to tell him I like him but I know that he knows. And if he knew I liked him and he liked me, wouldn't he just tell me? I'M SO CONFUSED. I feel like this is totally something someone in their 20s should have under control bu
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Old 12th January 2017, 5:52 PM   #2
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Everyone tells me to tell him I like him but I know that he knows. And if he knew I liked him and he liked me, wouldn't he just tell me?
Apparently not, right? (Since you say that you KNOW that he knows, and he has not 'just told you'.) But, the higher-level question is: Why are you leaving it up to him to start this conversation, or make you feel less confused, or whatever? Why is it somehow on him put in an effort or take a risk that you yourself seem unwilling or unable to do?
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I feel like this is totally something someone in their 20s should have under control
Well, yes and no. For sure, growing into adulthood does mean learning how to communicate honestly - even when that also means having to scrape up the confidence and courage to initiate difficult conversations that may not end up the way we would really like.
But. My mom's in her 80s and she hasn't really figured out too much of any of that yet .

So, it's your perfect opportunity to get like a 60-year jump on the whole thing . Best of luck.
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Old 12th January 2017, 6:13 PM   #3
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As a general rule, if you can share a bed with a guy multiple times without him trying to initiate anything, then you are in the friend-zone.

It appears that he values your friendship and companionship very much, but you clearly want more. The longer it goes on, the harder it will be on you.

You are clearly very close (almost in a substitute girlfriend kind of way) but it is unlikely to go beyond that. Although the only way to know for sure is to talk to him about it.

When you are ready, you should probably tell him how you feel, that way he will either have to start putting up some boundaries in your friendship so you don't get the wrong idea or perhaps he might want to see where it goes.

You won't know until you try.
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Old 12th January 2017, 6:50 PM   #4
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You are traveling the world and sharing a bed with a 25 year old man who never attempts sex with you. Here are your options.

A. He isn't out of the closet
B. He is sexually dysfunctional.
C. You are an extremely unattractive woman.
D. All the above.
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Old 14th January 2017, 4:33 PM   #5
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Okay. I really hope the way I word this will make sense. Essentially I have a guy best friend, and him and I are travelling the world together. Right now, we share a bed, are almost constantly with each other when we're not working, and knew each other pretty well. We've known each other for a few years and ive liked him for a good year and a half of it. I'm 22 and he's 25 by the way. Everyone who doesn't know us thinks we're dating, and for those who do know us, say like we act like we're in love with each other. My problem is this. My friend is going through a similar situation and has asked my friend what his opinion on her crush is. He said something along the lines of (if he takes you out and pays for you and acts cute, he probably likes you). The next day, we went out to dinner and a movie and he paid for everything no questions asked. Some days he acts extremely cute and boyfriend ish and other days he'll talk about how hot some girl is, or he'll push me to my side of the bed or just random little things. Everyone tells me to tell him I like him but I know that he knows. And if he knew I liked him and he liked me, wouldn't he just tell me? I'M SO CONFUSED. I feel like this is totally something someone in their 20s should have under control bu
I have to say, sharing the bed and traveling the world with this guy, and he didn't try to hit on you, kinda means he's not interested. I don't mean to be harsh, but if you do open up to him be prepared for the worst.

So, I think its best to put boundaries for how close you guys are, and if he starts breaking these boundaries then go for it, otherwise, he wants you to remain his friend.
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Old 16th January 2017, 10:44 PM   #6
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I have to agree with the others. Even if he was trying to retain some chaste persona around you remember this: If a guy is attracted to someone and sharing a bed the sexual tension would be undeniable.

It doesn't sound like he views you more than a relative.
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Old 17th January 2017, 12:17 AM   #7
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Easiest way to find out for sure is to kiss him. Might be easier than an awkward conversation.
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