Am I making a mistake?

[bambogli]

I don't know if this is the correct place to be posting this but I'll go ahead anyway. Sorry it's long.

 

My best friend and I developed feelings for each other and spent the last few weeks before he was supposed to leave town (forever) as 'more than friends' (we did make out a few times but did not go all the way). The last few days especially were hard but we never really discussed the possibility of taking this any further and just sort of left it at that and went back to being good friends after he left (it's been 7-8 months now). Getting over him was one of the hardest and most emotionally taxing things I have had to do and it took me a long time, but I finally thought I had more or less dealt with the romantic feelings about a month ago and was okay with being friends. Well, now we're both going on a holiday together in a few weeks and even though I'm excited to see my best friend, I'm also a little nervous :/

 

I don't expect or even want anything to happen over the holiday but I'm scared that just spending time with him would bring all those feelings back and I would go back to where I was a few months ago- trying to get over him yet again (and as I said, it was very emotionally tiring). And just randomly the other day, I had a rather stupid thought which has made me doubt if I ever really got over him completely- although he hasn't so far, if he tells me about some new girl in his life, I don't think I can be okay/happy with that. I don't know why but even that thought makes me upset.

 

I am torn. I really do want to see my friend, he really is the best friend I have ever had. But I also want to protect myself from going through that phase again. Of course I don't know for sure if my feelings would even resurface but what if they do? So I guess what I am trying to ask is do you think going through with this holiday is worth it? Or Is going on a holiday with someone I used to like a stupid idea?

 

TL;DR: Best friend and I developed feelings and made out before he left town forever; we continued being friends but getting over him (romantically) was extremely hard; now we're going on holiday together and while excited, I am also scared of my feelings resurfacing because of spending time with him and having to go through that emotionally taxing phase of getting over him again. Is going on a holiday with someone I used to like a stupid idea?

Edited December 27, 2016 by bambogli

[stillafool]

I don't think at this time you can go back to the way you once were. You still have romantic feelings for him if you are jealous of other girls. How would you feel if he started talking to other girls while you're there? Not good I imagine. I think you need to distance yourself from him for a good while.

[preraph]

I think you need to relax and just go with the flow. When you see him, find out what he's been doing, whether he's been dating, does he have a girlfriend. If you're good friends, all that should be natural to talk about. That way you can find out if he's just moving on with life or if he's hoping to reconnect with you in a serious way. My best guess based on just how things usually go is "out of sight/out of mind" and that he is dating. Unless he declares otherwise and gives you reason to think he is working towards a serious relationship with you, then you should assume he isn't.

 

But enjoy your time together. If I were you I wouldn't sleep with him again without first finding out whether he's at all serious. If he is serious, even with him out of town, if you've been best friends for years (and not just a few months) then nothing is impossible. If both of you want to be together someday, you can make that happen, but not if one of you does and the other is perfectly happy seeing you only once a year or whatever and has his own life.