he did not thank me for my ecard to him?? i guess hes not interested??

[chumly]

this is a pretty obvious question but just wanted to post it on here in case I might be wrong about this..

 

There is a man that I have a romantic interest that I connected with online and at one point it seemed like he had an interest in me too..he would always say how wonderful I was and what a terrific person I was but I am not so certain that he has feelings like this for me anymore but we have not met as of yet. I was actually willing to meet him (I know that that is kind of rare for me, as people on here already know but I was willing to go passed my comfort zone and meet him since I am so interested in him) but he had to take a trip out of town. Anyway, we are facebook friends too and today happens to be his birthday so I sent him a birthday/Christmas ecard but he never thanked me for it. I even sent him 2 messages to make sure he got it but he did not even acknowledge those messages I sent him and one of those messages I sent directly through facebook and facebook indicated that he read it so I know he seen at least that message.

 

However, I did wish him a happy birthday right on Facebook and he thanked me on there. He is one of these people with tons and tons of friends (1000s in fact) and family on facebook with everyone wishing him a happy birthday. He is also a professional musician in an alternative rock band so I know he is probably busy with all his musician friends today for his birthday but the bottom line is I guess I can safely say he does not have a romantic interest in me at this point since he did not even acknowledge my ecard or my messages about the card?? Am I correct about this??

 

I am even wondering if he sees me as a friend at this point?? I guess I am a big believer in manners and it kind of strikes a chord with me when someone is not polite. However, I have been through this with him in the passed..where I thought he was not interested in me because I would not hear from him but then he would suddenly contact me out of nowhere and this would make me think he was interested in me :mad:so I am a bit confused as to what to think here??

 

Just wondering what others think about this?? would you say that his lack of response to my ecard or the messages about them shows that he has no romantic interest in me? Does he sound like he even likes me as a friend??

 

I am not feeling very festive or in the mood for Christmas right now. Thanks for listening and any advice would be appreciated.

Edited December 23, 2016 by chumly

[chumly]

I think my problem is that in addition to feeling a bit jilted I am kind of feeling underappreciated. There is another "so called"friend that I helped out today too. He is very interested in finding a work@home support tech job and I have lots of connections in the work@home industry so I spent about an hour putting together a very long list of work@home companies and I barely got much of a thankyou from him either. I also sent him an ecard and he never thanked me either. I also never met him too and he wants to meet me tomorrow but his lack of regard to me indicates that I dont think he would be a match for me so I am not going to meet him now.

 

Why are people so rude in this world? how difficult is it to just simply say thankyou?? I mean it is Christmas time..why the rudness??

 

I guess I am the type that will go out of my way to thank people so this is kind of a sore issue with me. Does anybody else go through this with people as well? and how do you cope with it if so? This is really putting a damper on an already terrible Christmas this year! I hope posting on here will be helpful for me. It usually is.

 

thanks again:(

[basil67]

As the two of you have never met, I think it's pretty sensible of him to not have a romantic interest in you. Let's face it, it's not till we really meet a person that we can gauge if there is the right amount of 'zing' between you. So, I wouldn't rule in/out anything until you've actually met. That said, his interest level doesn't sound very high.

 

Do you live far apart? If so, has he given you any reason to think he'd entertain the idea of a long distance relationship?

 

Regarding the things you did for him....I've got a few different thoughts.

 

First, not everyone is effusive with thanks. My husband and daughter are both like this. Where I'm all "Oh, that's so great...thanks soooo much xxx" they are "Yeah, great. thanks" Truth be told, I sometimes have trouble telling if they even like the thing. But I know not to take it personally because being understated is just who they are.

 

Your concerns in particular: E-cards are a dime a dozen and not really worth special thanks. He thanked you for your birthday wishes on his FB page, and I think that's quite sufficient.

 

With the work at home thing, did you surprise him with it? Or did you offer and get a really keen response from him? Or did you offer and he was like "oh, OK.." I'm not sure if he is simply not effusive in his thanks or if he didn't really want you to do it for him in the first place. While it was so very kind of you to do all that work, perhaps the idea is something he's not ready to do yet. There are a lot of people who do a lot of talk about what they are gonna do, but they are never keen enough to get it off the ground. Perhaps he's like this?

 

I know I've given you no answers. But hopefully you can look at the different reasons he may be doing it and come to some conclusion.

[trippi1432]

I would strike this one as unattainable. Musicians reach out to a "fan base"...he reaches out and contacts you from nowhere is not a sign that he is interested in you romantically, as a friend however; as someone who supports his music, yes.

 

What does he play in the band? Bass players and drummers are awesome, they typically have a deep soul....guitarists (lead/rhythm)...complex by nature. Does or doesn't play an instrument but is the lead singer, run now!! :rolleyes: <I can say that as I sing lead in two bands>

 

Honestly, please do not let this detract from your holiday. I'd say he responded to you publicly as a fan and a friend. As you stated, you've not even met yet, you have not even seen him perform...other than a pic of him or a conversation, how are you even romantically interested? It's really not something to upset yourself over...what do you even personally know about him?

 

If I missed the mark of your actual inquiry, I apologize.

[chumly]

thankyou both so much! i am so sorry for the confusion. I was posting about 2 seperate people. I guess after posting about the first one it made me want to vent about the second one...lol;)

 

Basil67...thanks for being your usual helpful self! and yes, your post was very helpful! Perhaps you are so correct ...maybe the ecard did not really warrant much more than the FB thankyou. Maybe I am just being oversensitive because it is the holidays and not a very good one for me unfortunately. You are also correct that in regards to the other person with the work@home job listings..I kind of pushed the whole thing on him. He said he was interested in that kind of work but I told him that I would do all that for him..he never really asked me too so you made a good point with that as well;) it actually made me feel so much better to be honest so thanks so much:)

 

 

trippi1432...Thanks sooo much too. Wow, I really like your response. It is so interesting how you described the different personality types by instrument. This man I am referring to plays the guitar and I should qualify what I said to say that he no longer plays for the band but hangs around that circle of people still. I am not sure if I am allowed to say his name but the name of the band is Soilient Green and he is a former guitar player for them. They are a popular band within the underground rock culture and he is just one of the most deepest thinkers I have ever come across. I think he may have many female admirers so I guess I am probably just one of many so I am not sure how realistic a relationship with him would be for me but I so much want to be his friend at least. Anyway, thanks so much for the very interesting post and thoughts on this.

 

Thanks to you both again;)

[basil67]

Glad to be of help Chumly. My daughter's guitar teacher echo's trippi's thoughts. Lead guitar or vocals - stay away. But the bass player will be the salt of the earth type.

 

Oh, and if the band gets themselves into trouble, chances are the drummer was the instigator

[winny]

Try to not expect so much from people.... When you wish someone for their birthday or help someone in need... don't make it about yourself by wishing something back... it just ruins the joy in giving...

[chumly]

Glad to be of help Chumly. My daughter's guitar teacher echo's trippi's thoughts. Lead guitar or vocals - stay away. But the bass player will be the salt of the earth type.

 

Oh, and if the band gets themselves into trouble, chances are the drummer was the instigator

 

 

That is sooo funny! yes, Basil, this was very helpful and I did not know all of this about musicians...lol:D..that is funny!

 

Actually he had a profile on a dating site so that is how we got to talking..so I was not really a fan of his music originally. He seems to be such a nice person and seemed really interested originally in me but a bunch of little things like this are getting me to wonder how interested he is in me at this point.

 

Maybe you are right and I should be careful with a musician! I think I am more in love with the idea of him than anything else:sick:..thanks so much;)

[chumly]

Glad to be of help Chumly. My daughter's guitar teacher echo's trippi's thoughts. Lead guitar or vocals - stay away. But the bass player will be the salt of the earth type.

 

Oh, and if the band gets themselves into trouble, chances are the drummer was the instigator

 

forgot to mention Basil67, to answer your question....he is not really that long distance to me...he is just out of town for the holidays. he lives about an hour away normally which is a bit of a drive but not that bad in my opinion.

 

Anyway, thanks so much:D

[chumly]

Try to not expect so much from people.... When you wish someone for their birthday or help someone in need... don't make it about yourself by wishing something back... it just ruins the joy in giving...

 

I know you are so right about this and to be honest when I first was putting the ecard together for the musician I was thinking to myself that I should not expect any kind of response from him but then as the day went on I started wondering if his lack of response might indicate a lack of interest in me. I guess since I have an interest in him I started reading into it more than I would if I had no interest in him.

 

I guess the bottom line is that it is difficult to imagine that he is liking me romantically when he does not seem to have a few seconds to spare to message me back.

 

I know that you are right about this though and in general it is best to do things with no expectations in the end.

[winny]

I know you are so right about this and to be honest when I first was putting the ecard together for the musician I was thinking to myself that I should not expect any kind of response from him but then as the day went on I started wondering if his lack of response might indicate a lack of interest in me. I guess since I have an interest in him I started reading into it more than I would if I had no interest in him.

 

I guess the bottom line is that it is difficult to imagine that he is liking me romantically when he does not seem to have a few seconds to spare to message me back.

 

I know that you are right about this though and in general it is best to do things with no expectations in the end.

 

So basically you wished him to gauge his interest in you. That's not a very good thing to do irrespective of whether he responds or not... are you operating from a place of transparency yourself? You are calling people rude but what do you think about your own behavior here. Instead of wishing good things for him on his birthday (assuming you like him a lot) you are nitpicking his lack of response and sending out negative vibes for him. Just don't do this. Stay centered and calm and at peace and do your best without expectations and negativity and good things will come to you ---- maybe something 1000 times better than what you imagine...

Edited December 23, 2016 by winny

[chumly]

So basically you wished him to gauge his interest in you. That's not a very good thing to do irrespective of whether he responds or not... are you operating from a place of transparency yourself? You are calling people rude but what do you think about your own behavior here. Instead of wishing good things for him on his birthday (assuming you like him a lot) you are nitpicking his lack of response and sending out negative vibes for him. Just don't do this. Stay centered and calm and at peace and do your best without expectations and negativity and good things will come to you ---- maybe something 1000 times better than what you imagine...

 

interesting...I did not think of it that way! You have a good point! Perhaps I am the one that is being rude. Maybe you are right and maybe I am sending out negative vibes by having all these expectations in place.

 

He is a big time follower of Ram Dass and keeps telling trying to get me to read his teachings...maybe if I did I would understand why he did not feel the need to thank me or maybe I just need to let go of all of this anyway from everyone.

 

Thanks for getting me thinking here. I really appreciate it:D

[chumly]

I am sorry...I need to rephrase this..maybe he felt that there was only a need to thank me once on FB and not personally. Maybe this has to do a bit with the teachings that he follows of Ram Dass.

 

but like I said, either way, I know you are right winny, I need to let go of expectations for myself at least..it is not healthy at all. I should just do things to do things with no need for a return..even if I like someone romantically. Thanks again:D

[introverted1]

Another thought, which is slightly tangential: I rarely open ecards. They often come with links that are not straightforward/verifiable and I don't take the risk of downloading a virus. I usually send a thank you, but if the sender included a message in the card, I would not have seen it.

[IfonlyIknew]

Always give with out an expectation. He did say thank you on FB. He was most likely telling MANY people thank you and figured he sent his to you. Just because you may go that extra mile, doesn't mean someone else will, everyone is different but that alone doesn't define him being unappreciative.

[chumly]

thanks everyone for the added thoughts here!

 

The funny thing is that after all that he wound up messaging me and thanking me yesterday!:D so obviously I feel much better about that whole situation.

 

But I do agree about doing things without expecting anything in return. I know I need to learn to do that more in life...to let go of expectations.

 

In fact, alot of this talk here has gotten me thinking that I may wind up putting alot of these ideas about letting go of expectations to a test tonight.... My xboyfriends father tried to call me a few months ago. He and my xboyfriend are not on speaking terms right now. The father is a very difficult person to deal with but he tried to call me a few months ago because he wanted to talk to me about a fight they got into with each other. I did not call back because I did not want to get involved but it is Christmas so I am thinking of messaging him back today via email and explain how I wish him and his son would make up with each other (and I really do wish this)...so I would like to get them back on speaking terms with each other and play peacemaker. It would make me very happy to know that they are back in each others lives in some way but like I said, his dad is an extremely difficult narcissistic person so there is every chance he will not get back to me if I try and message him at this point. He might be too mad that I did not contact him back a few months ago.

 

Anyway, I am thinking of giving it a try (as long as my x boyfriend is okay with me doing so) but I will need to let go of expectations and outcomes because it might not go as I would like. He might not message me back or he might be unwilling to let his son back in his life again and this will be very disappointing if this happens but I guess since it is Christmas I am thinking of at least trying...but doing it with the ideas that were put out in this thread...letting to of the outcome and expectations.

 

I know that I should probably post about this in a whole seperate post but since the topic was brought up about letting go of outcomes/expectations I thought this might be a good place to mention my thoughts on this.

 

in fact, if anybody has any thoughts on my doing this I would be happy to hear about it.

 

Anyway, thanks everyone for all the help with this. Everyone on here is just always such a help to me. I really appreciate it!

[winny]

While your intentions are good but my advise would be to stay away.

Don't compromise your peace of mind to help two adult men (including a narc) work out their differences. Stay out of it.

[chumly]

While your intentions are good but my advise would be to stay away.

Don't compromise your peace of mind to help two adult men (including a narc) work out their differences. Stay out of it.

 

Thanks Winny for your thoughts on this one! Perhaps you are right about that! Christmas kind of tends to get me in a rather romantic almost fairly tale kind of mood about things but the reality is that I guess it really is not my business ..it is between the 2 of them. Thanks for the great advice once again.

[chumly]

yesterday was a very difficult day for me. Without getting into too much detail at the moment..I found out that I will not be getting a large sum of money I was hoping to get for about 5 years now! I am almost devastated in a way.:sick:

 

Anyway, i really felt like i can use a friend to talk to yesterday but found that i really dont have anybody to talk to at times like this as sad as that is to say and admit.

 

I tried talking to a number of people that I thought were my friends but did not get the responses back from people that I was hoping at all. Some of these people were friends that I went out of my way to help too when they were down.

 

One person in particular is a friend but I also kind of have a romantic interest in him as well. He is on my facebook and today I sent him a message just to say hi and wish him a good week. He responded with wishing me the same as well.

I then told him that I was having a rough week but that it helps to just say hello to him. His response back was that he hopes my week gets better and that he is sorry to hear that my week is not good. He did not offer to call me or have me call him.

 

I am thinking based on this response that he must not be very interested in me romantically at this point?? if he was..I would think he would want to talk to me to help me with my problems. Am I correct in my thinking on this??

 

Just wondering what others think of this?? do you think this is proof that he does not like me romantically at this point??

 

Thanks in advance:)

[Simple Logic]

yesterday was a very difficult day for me. Without getting into too much detail at the moment..I found out that I will not be getting a large sum of money I was hoping to get for about 5 years now! I am almost devastated in a way.:sick:

 

Anyway, i really felt like i can use a friend to talk to yesterday but found that i really dont have anybody to talk to at times like this as sad as that is to say and admit.

 

I tried talking to a number of people that I thought were my friends but did not get the responses back from people that I was hoping at all. Some of these people were friends that I went out of my way to help too when they were down.

 

One person in particular is a friend but I also kind of have a romantic interest in him as well. He is on my facebook and today I sent him a message just to say hi and wish him a good week. He responded with wishing me the same as well.

I then told him that I was having a rough week but that it helps to just say hello to him. His response back was that he hopes my week gets better and that he is sorry to hear that my week is not good. He did not offer to call me or have me call him.

 

I am thinking based on this response that he must not be very interested in me romantically at this point?? if he was..I would think he would want to talk to me to help me with my problems. Am I correct in my thinking on this??

 

Just wondering what others think of this?? do you think this is proof that he does not like me romantically at this point??

 

Thanks in advance:)

 

When I want to see if someone is romantically interested in me, I usually don't send them a message telling them my week sucks.

[chumly]

When I want to see if someone is romantically interested in me, I usually don't send them a message telling them my week sucks.

 

ha ha..actually that is kind of funny and perhaps you have a good point. Thanks and thanks for the laugh too. I kind of needed it.

[GildedLily]

I agree with you, a highly interested guy takes ANY opportunity to be with you usually. I've heard it described like this by Adam Corolla on Loveline " Men are like cockroaches you just need to open the door a crack and they come scurrying in ."

[Redhead14]

yesterday was a very difficult day for me. Without getting into too much detail at the moment..I found out that I will not be getting a large sum of money I was hoping to get for about 5 years now! I am almost devastated in a way.:sick:

 

Anyway, i really felt like i can use a friend to talk to yesterday but found that i really dont have anybody to talk to at times like this as sad as that is to say and admit.

 

I tried talking to a number of people that I thought were my friends but did not get the responses back from people that I was hoping at all. Some of these people were friends that I went out of my way to help too when they were down.

 

One person in particular is a friend but I also kind of have a romantic interest in him as well. He is on my facebook and today I sent him a message just to say hi and wish him a good week. He responded with wishing me the same as well.

I then told him that I was having a rough week but that it helps to just say hello to him. His response back was that he hopes my week gets better and that he is sorry to hear that my week is not good. He did not offer to call me or have me call him.

 

I am thinking based on this response that he must not be very interested in me romantically at this point?? if he was..I would think he would want to talk to me to help me with my problems. Am I correct in my thinking on this??

 

Just wondering what others think of this?? do you think this is proof that he does not like me romantically at this point??

 

Thanks in advance:)

 

Well, frankly, if you're dealing with something that's so stressful, sending a message over FB doesn't really convey the magnitude of your distress. Nevertheless, he doesn't seem very concerned about it or he would have at least delved for more detail.

 

The "damsel in distress" tactic used via FaceBook kinda gets diluted . . .

[chumly]

I agree with you, a highly interested guy takes ANY opportunity to be with you usually. I've heard it described like this by Adam Corolla on Loveline " Men are like cockroaches you just need to open the door a crack and they come scurrying in ."

 

yes thanks and this is what I am thinking too. Unfortunately this is proof that he might just like me as a friend only at this point. At one time he seemed much more eager to talk to me. I guess he has lost interest in me since then though.

 

Thanks again:(

[VeveCakes]

So you think that because he didn't offer to call? How old are you both? A lot of people don't call anymore sadly. Why would he call when you are in the middle of a convo online.

 

Is the same guy in the other threads?