mertoew Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 (edited) There's this nice guy (27m) who I (22f) have liked for a few weeks. I "hired" him to help me out with a project, unrelated to my job. We have spent time alone for about 5 meetings, and he has been quite chatty and flirty, especially as we have warmed up to each other more. We would work efficiently and joke a lot at the same time. Then, after we are done, we sometimes talk for over an hour. He might just be a chatty person, but he initiates the conversation and keeps it going with me, even after I have all my stuff packed and get ready to step out. Overall, I feel like we have a great connection, we work together well, and we have intriguing conversations. He has been over the top helpful, respectful, generous, energetic, animated, he compliments my character, he teases me in a friendly way, he shows off, he intentionally tries to make me laugh and gets a little too excited when he notices a positive response from me, he points out our similarities, he says my name mid-sentence, he has touched me on the arm a few times and gave me an excuse to touch his hand, he stands and sits unnaturally close to me, he gives lots of eye contact and smiles/smirks, etc. He may or may not have checked me out a few times, but he definitely glanced at my chest area once or twice. He also indicated that he is available every evening and on the weekends to work with me. The last time I saw him, he mentioned that he hoped we can work together again in the future. The problem is, we don't text, call, or email, unless I am setting up a meeting to work on the aforementioned project. I can tell he's not the type to communicate online or call, but I have the feeling that he would never send me a quick message just to say hi. He hasn't asked me out. I only ever sent him a one-line email unrelated to work that he didn't responded to. But he always makes me feel like he likes me when we are together in person. I am thoroughly confused, and this is further complicated by the nature of our relationship. Another potential issue is that once we hung out in a group--this was before I started liking him--and I expressed a little cynicism about marriage/relationships. A few weeks after that, we were talking, and I told him that I am not sure if I will settle down due to the demanding nature of my career path, and he told me that I need to find a supportive and understanding partner (after he said that, he kind of looked into my eyes and smiled awkwardly). What do you all think, and what are your suggestions? Thanks everyone! tl;dr: He seems to like me in person but doesn't initiate contact via email, text, calling, etc. Is he just a nice guy? What should I do if I want to get to know him more? Edited December 20, 2016 by mertoew Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 You hired him to do a project. He's expressed an interest in working for you again. Of course he's friendly and makes sure you guys have great rapport. That's how you keep the projects coming and your income steady. The one time you sent him an email unrelated to work, he ignored it. He's not spending time with you outside a work context. He's not communicating with you outside of a work context. Find someone else as a focus for your romantic attention. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mertoew Posted December 21, 2016 Author Share Posted December 21, 2016 You hired him to do a project. He's expressed an interest in working for you again. Of course he's friendly and makes sure you guys have great rapport. That's how you keep the projects coming and your income steady. The one time you sent him an email unrelated to work, he ignored it. He's not spending time with you outside a work context. He's not communicating with you outside of a work context. Find someone else as a focus for your romantic attention. I have considered this scenario as well, and I do agree with you. However, he has a steady full-time job, and this "project" is more of a hobby and does not really contribute to his income. It's a very small amount of money, and he hasn't even asked me to pay him yet. I know he's happy about getting back to this hobby, as he has mentioned several times about how much of a coincidence it was for me to find him. But, anyways, I still think you're right on with your points. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 I don't know the nature of the project. Perhaps he's building a portfolio or a resume of experience. People change career paths all the time. Typically you keep your old job until you get your new career/new business off the ground. At any rate, he's been upfront in telling you that he would like to collaborate with you on similar projects in the future. Meanwhile he ignores non-work-related opportunities with you. No biggie. 3.5 billion men out there. You'll find a great guy who reciprocates your interest once you stop focusing on this guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mertoew Posted December 21, 2016 Author Share Posted December 21, 2016 I don't know the nature of the project. Perhaps he's building a portfolio or a resume of experience. People change career paths all the time. Typically you keep your old job until you get your new career/new business off the ground. At any rate, he's been upfront in telling you that he would like to collaborate with you on similar projects in the future. Meanwhile he ignores non-work-related opportunities with you. No biggie. 3.5 billion men out there. You'll find a great guy who reciprocates your interest once you stop focusing on this guy. I wish I could be more specific, but I probably should not disclose too much about the project on this public forum. It does involve a specific skill-set, but it will not make a living, and he is definitely not trying to go in this direction career wise. Thank you for all your insights! I will stop focusing on this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 I wasn't asking you to be more specific about the type of work. No worries on that front. We've all crushed on someone who was just being nice. Happens. I'm sure you'll meet someone else soon to date. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 If you really think he's into you, you could say something bold like "so are you going to ask me out on a date or do I need to find another project to see you again?" But if you aren't sure, you have to let it be. He's had plenty of opportunity to ask you out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mertoew Posted December 21, 2016 Author Share Posted December 21, 2016 I wasn't asking you to be more specific about the type of work. No worries on that front. We've all crushed on someone who was just being nice. Happens. I'm sure you'll meet someone else soon to date. Best of luck. Thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mertoew Posted December 21, 2016 Author Share Posted December 21, 2016 (edited) If you really think he's into you, you could say something bold like "so are you going to ask me out on a date or do I need to find another project to see you again?" But if you aren't sure, you have to let it be. He's had plenty of opportunity to ask you out. That is a bada$$ line. Wow, I like that a lot. I don't think I have the guts to say that or send a message like that, although it would be a huge turn-on if I were a guy and a girl sent that to me. Unless, of course, if I was already interested in someone else. I am rather inexperienced with guys, so I have no idea if he's even remotely interested in me. I think it would be safer to assume he's just a chatty, flirty guy because I have no clue how he acts around other women. Edited December 21, 2016 by mertoew Link to post Share on other sites
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