Lost a guy friend; developed feelings

[brianna3000]

Hi ok,

 

about 2 months ago my ex boyfriend broke it off with me and i was devastated but then this other guy began talking to me about 3 weeks after it. He helped me forget about my ex and we talked close to every night and gave me advice, but we mutually agreed that we would never be in a relationship or anything (he lives 2 hours away anyway), but we got along very well. Though, i began developing some small feelings for him but he kept reminding every now and then how he didn't want a relationship so i put them aside and I already had lost people such as my ex boyfriend, that i didn't want to loose this friendship either. About a month after we began talking, my ex texted me and basically wanted to get back together. Eventually i agreed and I went back with him and we are still in a realtionship now. Though, the other guy that i met who lives 2 hours away found out through a friend that i got back together with my ex and got angry and mad at me because 1. he thought i deserved better and was disappointed i didn't listen to him, 2. that i didn't tell him about it straight away, and 3. I found out that he had actually developed some strong feelings for me.

 

He now doesn't want anything to really do with me, and I have lost him as a friend and he saids it will never be the same. I really want us to talk and be friends and it's hurting me a lot because I care about him so much and i don't want to loose him. I keep messaging him trying to sort it out but he doesn't seem interested, and I know he still has feelings for me....

 

Is it worth trying anymore or have I destroyed it between him and I as friends? How would he be feeling?

[oldbutcurious]

you've rekindled with your boyfriend, focus on whatever you feel with friend #2 for your current boyfriend, because basically, you were looking for a boyfriend. #2 avoids you but it was his fault that he's now lost you.

 

just let #2 go.

[spiderowl]

As the other poster said, you rekindled the relationship with your ex partly because the new guy was making it clear he did not want a relationship. If he developed feelings for you, he would have been better saying something or hinting at least. Did he say anything positive on that front?

 

If you like the guy only as a friend, the leave him be. He does not want to be just your friend and to see you with your ex. I expect that you suddenly disappearing was disturbing to him, as it would be to any friend. An explanation of some sort would have been better than nothing. If you would like him as a boyfriend, then you have to ask yourself why you are with your ex again? You can't expect another guy to want to engage with you if you have a boyfriend on the scene, especially someone who was an ex.

 

However, if you really like this 2nd guy, then leave your ex and make a fresh start. There is no guarantee the 2nd guy will be interested again as it looks like he has shut off, but you could text him and say the reason you did not involve him in your decision-making was because he said he didn't want a relationship. If he has changed his mind, maybe he could let you know? Then leave it at that. He will either respond or not. If he does respond, he will almost certain ask if the ex is out of the picture, so you will need to be ready to confirm that.

 

It's a shame 2nd guy said what he did. I think guys say this sometimes and mean they don't want to feel trapped, but actually they need emotional intimacy as well as physical intimacy and they are still vulnerable to falling for someone despite their statements.