Can physical attraction grow?

[St.Rosa]

If someone's personality is overall right up your alley, you get along, good conversation, similar humor, etc. Yet physically one person in the pair feels nada. Can it grow? Has anyone ever had someone's personality make you feel attracted to them physically?

 

I've never been in this situation until now and it sucks. I dated someone recently who personality wise-- my god there was so much to be desired, but physically I just wanted to jump them.

[MJJean]

I suppose it's possible, but I have never had it happen for me. I think physical attraction is one of those things that is either there or it is not.

[Satu]

It's not impossible, but I don't think its very common.

 

Don't bet any money on it.

 

 

Take care.

[DKT3]

It absolutely does with women. Women aren't that visual when it comes to romance. Of course there is that instant OMG moment with guys they find attractive, but for women (in general) attraction grows or diminishes with how the guy makes them feel.

 

Men on the other hand, not so much. We are very visual and women rarely become more attractive to us unless she actually changes something about her appearance.

[jen1447]

It can happen but not if you actually loathe them physically or if there's absolutely nothing that tickles you about them physically at all. There needs to be a little seedling for sth to grow and you'll know if it's there right from the start.

[preraph]

It depends what your priority is. If you're a guy and your priority is a woman with a hot body and you don't plan on being best friends with her or talking much, then it would be a waste of time hoping he'd fall for you. If you're a person who values personality above looks, then you might not care about the looks that much, but if you think he has a great personality (or she) but you still just have no desire around him or her, I feel it's a lost cause. You have to want to have sex or else you will soon feel just used if you go along with it not feeling it.

[RecentChange]

Eh, I had a FWB that physically really wasn't my type. He was tall and skiiiiny - while I have a thing for muscular athletic types.

 

But we got along really well, I admired his high intelligence and wit..... and when it came to sex, we had incredible chemistry (ok and he had a fantastic package).

 

So combine liking his mind, the fact that physically he could made me feel AAAAAAHHHMAZING, and all of those "feel good" chemicals good sex brings... he grew on me.

 

I never looked at him naked and thought hot damn! Like I had with some guys, but I grew to totally accept and appreciate his body.

[carhill]

If someone's personality is overall right up your alley, you get along, good conversation, similar humor, etc. Yet physically one person in the pair feels nada. Can it grow? Has anyone ever had someone's personality make you feel attracted to them physically?

 

How it's gone in my life with women is, if one happens to find me attractive and I don't immediately act on that, I've been written off as disinterested and it's a life sentence. Unfortunately, my style is more slow burn so I've run into this a fair amount. I've tested it by revisiting down the road and zip, nada.

 

As personalities tend to reveal themselves over time, sometimes over a long period of time if there isn't intensive contact, yeah I've experienced revealed personality to imbue the person with personal charisma and attractiveness not prior experienced and they become sexually and romantically attractive sometimes months or years down the road from first or incidental meetings.

 

I've never been in this situation until now and it sucks. I dated someone recently who personality wise-- my god there was so much to be desired, but physically I just wanted to jump them.

Sounds like you were interested in the physical even with red flags in the personality area. Perhaps I misunderstand. If I don't, how that can work for me is being turned off by the personality and, down the road, change and growth occur and the person takes on a new and fresh attractiveness not experienced prior.

 

The problem IME with all this complex stuff rather than simple physical chemistry and attraction is that lining things up on both sides for styles and attractions to work synergistically is exceedingly difficult and often prone to failure.

 

Hope that helps.

[preraph]

There's so many lonely beautiful married women out there who feel their husbands just won't interact with them except about sex that I have to lean toward thinking there's a lot of men out there who just marry beauty and then don't treat them like a real partner or friend. I've always thought it was sad, but I mean, the women just shouldn't stay with them.

[St.Rosa]

How it's gone in my life with women is, if one happens to find me attractive and I don't immediately act on that, I've been written off as disinterested and it's a life sentence. Unfortunately, my style is more slow burn so I've run into this a fair amount. I've tested it by revisiting down the road and zip, nada.

 

As personalities tend to reveal themselves over time, sometimes over a long period of time if there isn't intensive contact, yeah I've experienced revealed personality to imbue the person with personal charisma and attractiveness not prior experienced and they become sexually and romantically attractive sometimes months or years down the road from first or incidental meetings.

 

Sounds like you were interested in the physical even with red flags in the personality area. Perhaps I misunderstand. If I don't, how that can work for me is being turned off by the personality and, down the road, change and growth occur and the person takes on a new and fresh attractiveness not experienced prior.

 

The problem IME with all this complex stuff rather than simple physical chemistry and attraction is that lining things up on both sides for styles and attractions to work synergistically is exceedingly difficult and often prone to failure.

 

Hope that helps.

 

There were no red flags (red flags to me are danger signs), more that the guy who I was physically interested was boring as hell. But he wasn't a bad guy, but he had his own issues with a past relationship and it didn't get far physically, unfortunately for me.

[St.Rosa]

so I've still been in contact with the person who personality wise is amazing, they know I'm not really into them romantically, but the more we talk and the more we get to know one another... I feel .. something is developing. Slowly. I just wish I knew for sure because I don't wanna do something dumb (make a move) when turns out I'm not 100% into them and lead em on.

 

Either way I'm being smart and not pushing myself and they know my stance as of now.

 

interesting replies though, keep 'em coming.

[Erik30]

For me, no.. Or if I happen to think she's "kinda cute, " attraction could grow but there has to be something about her. If I'm not physically attracted to a girl at all from the start, that will never change. In the end it doesn't matter how great her personality is when her looks don't do it for me.

 

When I'm really into someone I barely notice other girls. I don't want to go out with her and think to myself that it would be nice if she looked more like someone else I once was into. (Or feel that same level of attraction). If it's right, I shouldn't be having thoughts like that at all when I'm with her

[LargoLagg]

Temporarily, at best. Love's illusion can make her palatable, but after that wears off, you're back to where you were.

[Methodical]

I suppose it's possible but I can't imagine it being a sustainable situation if mutual chemistry doesn't naturally exist.

[thecrucible]

I think it can grow if there is some initial spark. You'll usually work this out from experience and over time I personally have become better at separating the false sparks out from the real ones. People feel shallow if they reject someone because they're not attracted to them physically but I think in reality there's a lot of factors at play such as chemical levels of attraction and subtle personality factors you're not conscious of but affect how you choose your mates. For me also, I get to know different personalities better and certain personalities I used to be attracted to are now warning signs to me. It's learning to see true personality traits such as perceiving the difference between arrogance and true confidence. I find myself physically attracted to more kinds of men than I was before.