Started as friends, then became more

[xUnknown]

So I met this girl back in May. She (22) and I (25) met when we were both at the beach and met at a bar. I got her number and we started texting every few days after that. She lives 2 hours from me. Starting in July texting every day became the norm. Then phone calls almost every night. Feelings definitely developed.

 

Here is the kicker, she has never been in a relationship or brought a guy home to meet her parents. I asked why, she said because she never felt someone worthy of giving up her free time for. She said whenever she starts liking someone, she would would be the one to cut things off. Yes, all red flags.

 

I continued to tread lightly. Early October - She asks me what we are. I state i want to be exclusive. ( I see bf/gf and exclusive as being different, she does not...which I didn't find out until last week when we cut things off. ) She states she isn't ready for that, just moved to city for work, enjoys talking and seeing me, cares about me and wants to see where things go. I'm recovering from shoulder surgery at the time, and the pain meds mess me up (over think things, increase anxiety, ect.) so instead of worrying about it, I just decided to roll with it. The way things were going between us I did not expect that response but I might as well keep things casual and see if anything develops.

 

Few weeks pass by, she flakes on coming to visit me, I called her out on being spotty with convo (texting). She gives typical busy and not feeling well. Two days later a serious convo develops about us. At this point I was over all the BS excuses about her not coming to see me and ended up saying something like, I was starting to fall for you, but i'm moving on. That wasn't crap, I was ready to at that point. She says sorry that its all her fault we were in that argument, wants to see me. She visits the next day for a few hours and we get dinner. Don't really bring it up at all. She invites me to visit following weekend and go with her friends to a football game. I think, okay, she knows how I feel for her and invites me to stay the weekend and including me with her plans with her friends, perhaps she feels the same but doesn't want to express it. (I still genuinely think she does).

 

We talked that Friday (A week ago). She said she doesn't know where she sees things going because we live 2 hours away and sees what we have as a relationship and this was the farthest relationship wise she's ever gone. She said she doesn't know what "seeing what happens" means - much like my confusion the month before. She said she wants to see me and didn't want to bail on visiting. She said knows seeing me is just going to get her to like me more but doesn't want to like me more because she isn't sure where she sees things going. She said she thinks we should talk less. I said, then whats the point at all when it just leaves things in limbo. I bring up some points about committing and if she always does this to guys she starts to like, perhaps she will have to do some soul searching because pushing someone you like away isn't how its supposed to be.

 

Anyways - I left things as "if you want to visit or hang out, let me know, there is no sense on me reaching out to see you when she is the one to back out". I've been NC for the past week. She still scopes my snapchat story (I was in NYC this week for work and that was the first time I was ever there. She and I both talked about going and having her show me around since she's there pretty often). Obviously we both care about each other. I can tell she's confused. Do I call her to and be like, "hey, we became good friends over the past few months, and I'd hate to lose a friend like you." Essentially, work on moving forward with my life, but leave the lines of communication open. If something down the road happens, cool, if not at least there is that friendship.

 

 

Summary for those that don't like reading:

 

Girl never been in relationship, definitely confused, lives 2 hours away, pushes guys she starts to like away. I tried to be patient with her. She seemed like commitment phobia so agreed to her "lets see what happens" to take pressure off. She said she's not sure where she sees things going. I leave things like "if you want to do something lmk, I'm not going to reach out to you because you flake". Looking back now, perhaps I said that it a little harsh. I started falling for her, I think she did too but never said it. He actions of pushing away seems consistent with what she's always done. We'd talk every day, texting and phone call usually before bed. I've been in a LDR before - this one came easy, if I were to compare the one I was in. Great friend, would still like her in my life even if it was just a friend.

 

Do I reach out to open lines of communication and friendship? I feel like doing so would at least let her know I'm open to a friendship, where as when we talked me saying "lmk about hanging out" was more of a tongue in cheek, I said it, but the way I said it gave the impression I didn't mean it.

Edited November 18, 2016 by xUnknown

[Miss Clavel]

let her go. move on. find someone else. maybe someone that lives closer.