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She was my best friend/girlfriend and I left her


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Hey guys I am going through. Hard time and need some other opinions on what's happening here. 4 months ago I left girlfriend. We were best friends for 5 years and dated for 2. I left her cause things were getting very serious and I kinda got cold feet she's only 21 and I am 25. After 3 months I really started to miss her so I called her and she invited me to hang out.. when I went there from my neighbor house and told her he was a really cool person she tried to cuddle with me and I kinda pulled away and left cause I still wasn't sure what I wanted and I didn't want to play with her emotions.. a few days later I find out she's contacting my neighbor the one I was talking about when I was there.. this crushed me I told her how I felt and we talked I told her i missed her and I wanted to work things out at first she said no, but about a week later called me crying saying she missed me and she told him she doesn't wanna talk to him anymore... I took her out to lunch that day and I asked if she slept with him I wish I didn't cause she said yes.. :'( I reacted a little crazy and yelled and she kept telling me she loves me and she so sorry that she did it cause she was trying not to run back to me again cause I broke up with her for a week before.. so I told her i will do my best to let it go, we went out that night had some drinks had a good time kissed held hands and she asked me to sleep over I just held her and fell asleep.. the next day she was distant half the day went by and I asked what's wrong she said I know you think yoir neighbor is a bad guy but he's not, I said what you miss him now and she said I kinda miss hanging out with him.. that killed me after all her apologies cause I knew they weren't real at that point.. 3 more days goes byou and she's so distant I told her i can't do this your playing with my feelings like a toy and she didn't fight it she just said sorry I don't feel the same... now shes talking to him again

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She said I hurt her andaughter killed her feelings for me I took space for 3 months we were close for 5 years!! Does love dit that fast? She says needs to figure things out.. I said please just tell me you don't see a future with me at all and I will just leave you be she replies I can't say that?? Even her mother told her to tell me there's no future and she told her mom she would be lying if she said that??? Any insight as to what's going on in her confusion would be much appreciated..

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I think it's possible you did irreparable damage by first leaving her and then second, coming back but still being wishy washy about what you wanted. If someone dumped me then 3 months later called me up but still acted like they didn't really want to be with me, I'd be hurt and pissed. Interesting how you suddenly knew you wanted to be with her the moment you found out about the other guy.

 

In any case she is very young and usually we don't end up spending our lives with our first love. She is still changing and developing into an adult and she is probably wanting to spread her wings and experience new things. I think you should do the same. The bad news is that the reason she won't come out and say she doesn't see a future with you is because she wants you to be her safety net. She likes thinking she can run back to you if nothing serious develops with the new guy. You are her backup plan and you shouldn't accept that position. Just end it and live your life. Go experience new things for yourself and spread your wings.

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  • 2 weeks later...

You've dumped her once it seems and then pulled away when she showed interest when you returned. How would you feel in her shoes? When you pulled away and left, she presumably thought you had just come back to play with her feelings. She went to the neighbour for comfort. Maybe she found the neighbour more consistent? Consistency matters in love because that is where trust develops. It seems the trust has gone and she is not sure about you any more. If you were to try to regain her feelings, you would need to build trust. I do not get the impression you would find this easy, partly because I sense you would back out again once it got more serious and partly because you don't seem to know what you want. You don't want to lose her but do you really want her for more than a brief revisit?

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