I now know that I was [mean].... what can I do now?

[kickeratt]

I met a guy I really liked. We were practically glued to each other for 2 months, and sex was amazing. But I felt something was amiss - we do not communicate well, when we disagreed on something (like what to eat, where to go etc.) he tend to disregard me and we end up mostly doing things his way. There were a few other things involving physical hurt like hard pinches which he found funny (but I didn't), and a time when he hit me really hard (as a "snap out of it" gesture, and probably started out as joke, but I was mad as hell). Whenever I show displeasure, he either ignored me, gave a look that showed he didn't care, or turned it into a joke.

 

I also started to have conversations about where we want our relationship to go, and he told me he didn't know what he want, sometimes jokingly said we are together only for sex, and he certainly didn't know if he loved me. But he "really like me". This increased my insecurity and mood swings.

 

But there were other times he was tender and sweet and being a truly cool companion.

 

Because of these, I threatened to leave him a couple of times. I have a history of men who doesn't care about me and I go a bit crazy when I feel disrespected or disconnected. Then on the third "episode" I really just walked out. I hated him then.

 

Subsequently I never apologised but tried to reconcile, told him I miss him a lot, and I want to see him again. He blocked me and never replied to anything. But at the same time I found him on a social media site and found that he plastered our photos all over his profile and wrote poems alluding to our "love" and the sorrow of seperation. Our real-life communication and this online portrait was so different that I went crazy again, sent him a message through the platform calling him a hypocrite and all the bad names under the sun, and to take the photos down. So he apologised and did that.

 

But ever since then, I was more confused about whether he did love me after all, or not. Meanwhile he is even more silent towards me than ever.

 

Everything about him is so contradictory and the silence... I cannot move on. If he was a classic ******* I could have just be done with it. But he wasn't, entirely.

 

All my friends told me I am either 1) [mean], because I walked out on him, or 2) stupid and has repeated bad taste in men.

 

I am beyond miserable. Did I make a mistake? How can I move on?

Edited November 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[jen1447]

Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me.

 

The only moving on comes w time, so you have to do yours. It'll get better - always does. In the meantime, don't interact with him at all. That makes it heal faster.

[gaveup]

Well, in my personal opinion - he is interested in sex only but is scared to admit that to you straight. When they notice you start catching feelings they prefer to move on and find someone who's easier to deal with. Because if he cared, he would show you he does.

 

May I ask, how old are you guys?

[preraph]

He didn't love you. He loved sex. Men fall in love with sex. He was abusing you and you should block him and NEVER put up with anyone laying a hand on you again!

[kickeratt]

Well, in my personal opinion - he is interested in sex only but is scared to admit that to you straight. When they notice you start catching feelings they prefer to move on and find someone who's easier to deal with. Because if he cared, he would show you he does.

 

May I ask, how old are you guys?

We are 30. I guess its no definite indication of maturity, but I was probably more after a committed than him. But at the start he said more things to me that were sort of "we were destined to be" messages - my mind just went commitment-ok overdrive, then later on started saying more "let's see how this goes" messages. Yeah, I was completely insecure. He was often critical, it always made me nervous.

 

I thought he was after sex too. Another D-bag, what's new right? But why post all those pictures on his profile?

 

If I was just casually seeing a guy I would actually do the opposite: I would make sure none of my family and friends ever saw him until I was serious.

[kickeratt]

He didn't love you. He loved sex. Men fall in love with sex. He was abusing you and you should block him and NEVER put up with anyone laying a hand on you again!

Though confused, I agree with you.

 

The sex was great, but I think was often too much about sex and not too much about intimacy. If you know what I mean. It didn't unsettle me or cross any boundaries, but I would have preferred it to be about the relationship.

 

Gosh, I spent too much time racking my brains over this man and researching about possible personalities I didn't understand: narcissist? shy? men with cancer horoscope? typically Russian?

 

Thanks all, I needed to hear all that, and not from my subjective friends: I was stupid, move on.

 

[spiderowl]

Sounds like you gave up a potentially abusive relationship and now miss him. You probably miss the good side to him. There does appear to have been a bad side and hitting is never good.

 

He probably did miss you but is angry with you too. There is no reason why he should want to rekindle a relationship where one person left it. I can't see why you would want to rekindle one where the guy hurt you either. You are bound to miss being in a relationship and maybe wonder if you will ever meet someone you like again, but going back to an ex that has already shown you he is not suitable seems a bad idea.