EvilLawStudent Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 My salutations to all readers, First of all a quick background of me before going into depth with my issue, I'm a 20 year old male who recently recovered from a short term relationship that ended 5 months ago with the help of the NC guide. I'm male that loves coffee, so there was a cafe nearby my home that I would go regularly with my university mates to have a coffee, the owner liked me alot so did her daughter (the coffee girl) at the beginning of my coffee trips she was in relationship so we weren't talking on regular basis just hi and bye, but then her boyfriend cheated on her and betrayed her, so did my ex girlfriend at the nearly at the same time. She broke up with her boyfriend a week after me and my ex girlfriend broke up so it was pretty weird. Moving forward one day she messaged me on facebook saying that I have left my keys I quickly ran back and got my keys after that I added her on facebook and booom 5 months now we've been talking for hours and hours everyday sending each other funny messages, talking to her when she's at work cracking jokes and having a laugh on social media she told me all about her previous sex life and sends me multiple photos of her looking cute etc. Going into depth now she's been confusing me a lot lately she recently told me that i would be at the bottom of her just hook up list because she thinks I deserve better than just being a hook up and she also told me I'm a guy that should be dated by a lot of women because I'm smart and interesting but she said she does not know if she would date me... Shes a girl that is kind of up herself, she's kind and very intelligent. I do feel something for her but I'm afraid to tell her In case she turns around and rejects me and then our friend ship would be abolished for good I'm scared that her work mates will find out and look at me in a weird way or even make fun of me behind my back... Should I keep it to myself and just get over it or express my feelings towards her and take a risk and see what happens? Thank you for reading, Warms Regards. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 sorry but you're already in the dreaded "friends zone" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EvilLawStudent Posted October 20, 2016 Author Share Posted October 20, 2016 AlphaMale Thank you for your response would you advise me to tell her or keep it to myself until I feel nothing? Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 "Going into depth now she's been confusing me a lot lately she recently told me that i would be at the bottom of her just hook up list because she thinks I deserve better than just being a hook up and she also told me I'm a guy that should be dated by a lot of women because I'm smart and interesting but she said she does not know if she would date me..." You're just friends. That was her nice way of saying she's not interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EvilLawStudent Posted October 20, 2016 Author Share Posted October 20, 2016 Erik30 Thank you for your response so what should I do just forget about whole me telling her how I feel thing? Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 She attempted to be kind by saying you 'deserve better'. A jab at a little self deprecation there. She has a list. She mentally shoved you all the way to the bottom. It's the nice way of saying "leave me alone". There is rarely is ever any real friendships with someone of a gender you're attracted to. You've even said it yourself. You have the feels. It's no longer a friendship. If you continue you simply become the guy waiting. Don't be that guy. Tell her straight up, if she rejects you, thank her for the fun conversations and wish her well. Then block and ignore until there are no feels. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Whatever you do, don't ever take a risk. It's possible you might fail and then where would you be? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EvilLawStudent Posted October 20, 2016 Author Share Posted October 20, 2016 PaperCrane You nailed it! I will take every bit of what you said into consideration other than the part you said "tell her straight up" I can't do that I can't risk getting embarrassed and being the dude who got rejected, she really did put it out there as if she had something towards well now obviously not. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Erik30 Thank you for your response so what should I do just forget about whole me telling her how I feel thing? Thank you. I think you should ask her out on a date, and tell her you want more than just a friendship. You don't really have to talk about feelings, asking her out is enough. Big possibility that she'll reject you, but at least you'll know for sure. If she rejects you and gives you a similar line again like "you're too good for me...blah blah," distance yourself from her. Unless you want to stick around and see her dating other guys, maybe even telling you about them. Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I think she sounds like a player, someone you cant trust with your heart, she will crush it, be careful:( be careful very careful..unless you like to play with emotions, could be she can grow out of it i dont know but dont think so..just what i get from what you write, just be honest with her and protect yourself, ask yourself:is it true love? all the best to you:) Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 PaperCrane You nailed it! I will take every bit of what you said into consideration other than the part you said "tell her straight up" I can't do that I can't risk getting embarrassed and being the dude who got rejected, she really did put it out there as if she had something towards well now obviously not. Why? A man who takes risks is a sexy man to a woman. Rejection simply makes you more resilient in the long run. If she says no, she may know someone. Or perhaps not, but if you handle yourself very well afterwards she'll respect you. Other people will notice this. Other people can be other women. She essentially turned you into an emotional tampon. Emotional tampons are great, because just like real tampons they can be tossed into the bin when one is done with them. Ask her out, not about feelings or emotions, but because you find her interesting. She said you were on the bottom of her hook up list, specifically her one and dones. Typically that means no interest, but it could also mean she wants you to 'grab your nuts' and get some courage and ask her out properly. The worst case scenario is that she says no, and you're left where you are. Best case is she says yes. The key to the ending though, is if she says no. This is important okay. The key is to walk away from her. You can still go get coffee, but no idle chatter, no late night facebook messages. You need to say and show what you want, and stick to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EvilLawStudent Posted October 20, 2016 Author Share Posted October 20, 2016 PaperCrane: Man if I had a daughter I'd give her to you! Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Did you ever ask her out on a date in that 5 months of chatting? a real date where you make plans ahead of time and dress nicely and pick her up and all of that? If you didn't, do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 You have been friend zoned. She is going to reject you. Since you have romantic feelings for her it's probably a bad idea for you to continue this friendship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EvilLawStudent Posted October 21, 2016 Author Share Posted October 21, 2016 Anika99 How do you 100% she would reject me we've spoken about going for a movie before and she seemed keen, I'm not saying you're wrong but it seems like she does have something towards me or I'm just contradicting myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EvilLawStudent Posted October 21, 2016 Author Share Posted October 21, 2016 I want to be honest with you all I do like her but I want to know how do I still talk to her as a "friend" and don't feel the way I'm feeling currently towards her? Any tips please? Thank you all. Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 I want to be honest with you all I do like her but I want to know how do I still talk to her as a "friend" and don't feel the way I'm feeling currently towards her? Any tips please? Thank you all. You don't. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 AlphaMale Thank you for your response would you advise me to tell her or keep it to myself until I feel nothing? Thank you. keep it to yourself then spend your energy on woman that are available to you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 22, 2016 Share Posted October 22, 2016 Anika99 How do you 100% she would reject me we've spoken about going for a movie before and she seemed keen, I'm not saying you're wrong but it seems like she does have something towards me or I'm just contradicting myself. She thinks you two are just friends. Friends go to movies. That's a very common friendship activity. Going to a movie with you doesn't mean she has romantic interest. I say she is not romantically interested based on what she has said thus far. She doesn't want to hook up with you and she thinks you should date lots of women but she probably wouldn't date you. I'm sorry but that's not how a woman talks to a man she wants. If you want to find out just ask her out but make sure you call it a date as in "hey would you like to go on a date this weekend?". Use the word date so that there is no mistaking your intentions. If you say "let's go to a movie" she may think you are just buddies going to a movie. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EvilLawStudent Posted October 22, 2016 Author Share Posted October 22, 2016 About 2-3 hours ago she messaged me I stared NC but broke it within a day i sincerely asked her do you feel love towards me? Yep she said not really... not sure if she is afraid to confess but moving forward I told her I can't be her friend anymore I used the "I don't want to fall in love with you in the future" excuse because I didn't want confess to something that is not mutual would've made me feel weird, by the way she was talking she seemed really hurt then she told me she had a really bad day and is going bed, I weirdly called her (whilst I was drunk) but she said she wants to be left alone and dosnt feel like she needs to speak to me for whatever reason. Should call or text her in the morning or just stick to my NC and leave it at this. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 22, 2016 Share Posted October 22, 2016 No one wants to be in the friend zone. But today a lot of women think it's easier to say that to you instead of being really interested in you to date. This girl told you what she wanted and at least you can stay friends with her. Now the real issue is what happens if you are asked by her to take her out on a date but just friends only. Then you treat her as a friend, but then you tell her "listen your not going to get kissed or touchy feelings from me"! This is where you can see what she said next. What I've experienced that women who tell you just friends only still want you as both friend and serious boy friend. They can't make up their minds what they want. Play along with the game she has or just tell her "listen I want more than just friends I want to date you seriously" This is where it really gets crazy. Most of the time you should turn your vehicle around take that girl back home. Say take care and when your ready to really date me contact me. See ya later! Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 Wow maybe I read this all wrong. I didn't consider friend zone in the slightest until I read other people saying it. Guess I can see that, especially after OP replies. He's never asked her out in 5 months and you gotta have bigger balls if you want to win. Link to post Share on other sites
Aloha808808 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Hi EvilLawStudent, Tough situation to be in! Without knowing the girl it's hard to say whether she likes you as more then a friend or not. The fact that you guys are talking for hours on end and she's sending you cute photos indicates that she's interested in something more then friendship, but it may also be a possibility that she just likes attention. I also feel like her saying she doesn't deserve you may be a self worth issue rather then you being put in the friend zone as others have pointed out. When my husband and I were dating I felt that he was too good for me because he treated me exceptionally well, still does that's why I married him, but I do remember wondering to myself how I had got so lucky and what I'd done to deserve it. It may be the same for her. I'd suggest asking her out on a date. Keep it simple and casual, maybe don't delve into all of your feelings towards her just yet, but go out with her a few times and see how things go. Usually after you've been out a couple of times you have a pretty clear indication of whether it's something worth pursuing or not. Hope this helps! Link to post Share on other sites
Author EvilLawStudent Posted October 25, 2016 Author Share Posted October 25, 2016 Aloha808808 Thank you for your great response and advice it means a lot, I will ask her in the right moment when I have the chance. Warms Regards, Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Aloha808808 Thank you for your great response and advice it means a lot, I will ask her in the right moment when I have the chance. Warms Regards, Dude, she already told you she has no feelings for you. It's time to let go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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