Midnight_Madness Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 Hi, I have encountered many different stories of people with friends with benifits however not all of them fit the tittle in my opinion. For example, I don't consider someone you have hooked up with more than once to be a FWB. I'd consider them a FB unless friendship was established before or during the course of the relationship. I'd like to hear other people's opinions on FWB's due to this, perhaps I am wrong ☺. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 I don't know of any official document that sets the definition, so I'd say you're free to apply your own if it feels right to you. Do you have a major decision hinging on whether or not to include the W? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnight_Madness Posted October 4, 2016 Author Share Posted October 4, 2016 Hi, No, there aren't any major decisions needing to be made about the topic. However, I am currently in a FWB relationship and am intrugied by how others define it\think about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 What is a FWB? ..... answer ... a huge mistake. Huge. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 (edited) I'd say your definition is just fine. I might lean toward emphasizing the primary motivation for the relationship. If it's only the sex, then a phukk buddy. If there's a more general type of attraction, and you'd still be friends even if it were not sexual, then friends with benefits. I think most are likely to fall somewhere between the two, and where you place the marker is somewhat arbitrary. I'd say another qualifier is that in both cases the two parties are suppressing and managing the feelings so as not to let it evolve into a love relationship. As soon as someone falls in love it becomes something else. Edited October 4, 2016 by salparadise 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 I think FWB is pretty much sex, but you have like minor stuff you may do with them like catching a meal, small talk. I wish I could say it's like bf/gf without labels and commitment, exclusivity, but nah... As a FWB let's say you want him to see you this weekend and made plans. Well, if he was your bf, he'd drop all other stuff to be with you...not a FWB. Since the FWB isn't invested in the long run, you're not going to be a priority - kinda like how you are with friends. If a friend wants to catch a movie with you, it's not like you're gonna drop everything else going on cuz you care a lot about the friend. But yeah, some people sorta adjust FWB rules to what works for them. My 42yr old FWB, we didn't lay out what we were gonna do/don't do. It was like, 'Hey, let's meet up for dinner/at hotel/sleepover' and he'd show up with flowers. Then he'd just be like 'Uh, your this/that needs fixing...I got it'. But, he was very clear that he didn't want commitment, and that if we started seeing other people to let the other know (for STD reasons). Lastly, we barely spoke. Just an email once or twice a week to set up a meet. I don't know, IMO, women get the short end of FWB situations cuz it's usually you waiting for the guy to contact you, cuz if you initiate and/or want to see more of him, he's gonna freak and think you want more. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 Oh I forgot, first Rule of FWB is that you don't talk about FWB (remember "Fight Club", the movie? Geesh, my 42yr old FWB loved it, told me to watch it and I hated it. It's a guy movie I guess. Maybe it's cuz I can't stand Brad Pitt) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 FWB is an actual friend that you have sex with, and quite possibly friendship came before sex. FB is just someone you have sex with and not much more. That's why "buddy" as opposed to "friend" - buddy isn't a very serious word. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Osmium13 Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 I don't really get it tbh. Surely you'd need some sort of attraction to them to want to have sex? To me, having a fwb suggests that you see sex as a function - something completely mechanical and devoid of emotion. Nah, I couldn't do it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 An "FWB" is what you call your boyfriend/girlfriend if you're afraid of commitment. ymmv. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 I don't really get it tbh. Surely you'd need some sort of attraction to them to want to have sex? To me, having a fwb suggests that you see sex as a function - something completely mechanical and devoid of emotion. Nah, I couldn't do it. It's one of those things that I think many people don't see eye to eye on. Personally I have had FWB and FB situations which I found where the perfect scratch to my itch at the time (and had a great time exploring sex without the pressures of a full relationship). I think a tendency towards compartmentalization is a commonality amoung those who enjoy these - dare I say shallow, or perhaps single purpose (sex) relationships. You say two different things here..... attraction and emotion. For me, these are not necessarily interchangeable. I can be very attracted to someone that I do not feel emotionally vested in. I can "like" someone without coming close to loving them. Are lust, passion and desire emotions? Or are we talking only about the emotions of romance? Caring, love.....? I would even say I respected and enjoyed my FWBs, not that there have been dozens of them, but the few I had were bright, funny, considerate guys. I have had very.... pleasurable, rememberable experiences with FWB / FBs. For me, they were men I was attracted to, enjoyed their company and basic friendship - but for one reason or another "us" as a couple was mutually undesirable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 The words and terms that are used for anything that raises eyebrows or has any negative connotations eventually become negative and not politically correct and so people will use different words and terms over time to try to sound less negative and to clean it up. For example those that are referred to as challenged today were called retards not only by the masses but also by educational professionals and medical professions 40+ years ago. Decades prior to that they were called idiots and the term idiots was even used in official medical textbooks and journals of the time. In my youth (1980s) the term was 'casual sex.' Prior to that it was probably called fornification and prior to that it may have been so scandalous and upsetting that there really wasn't even a word for it. The current FWB lingo is part of the ongoing attempt to not have as negative a connotation associated with it to make it sound more palatable to those who may engage in it. Eventually the term FWB will raise eyebrows and illicit tongue-clicks and head shakes too and so there will be a new term that sounds cleaner and less scandalous than FWB. In the end it is simply sexual activity outside of a traditional, monogamous relationship just as it has always been. That is all it is. Nothing more. Nothing less. Link to post Share on other sites
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