She's Been Dropping Serious $ On Me Lately, Did I Miss Something Here ?

[MEAN956GUNS]

Well I guess the long and short of the story is that I had a semi flirt thing going on with someone who is a regular at the plaza I currently work at and eventually it became a friendship which blossomed into a FWB kind of arrangement. On the surface, it is a good friendship, we connect the way real friends should, and as for our activities behind close doors, well I have no complaints and I will leave it at that. Lately though she's been doing something that has kind of thrown me off and kind of confused me :

 

Lately, she is quick to insist on purchasing things for me without my asking. I never argue and she seems to really enjoy doing it which makes me feel weird for wanting to ask her to stop. And I'm not talking about little purchases, I'm talking four or five hundred dollars and up kind of spending. As of this writing, she has purchased about 1,500 dollars worth of new equipment for my job, and since these were things I technically needed anyways I didn't really make a fuss about it. Last night, I was doing some post sex internet browsing at her place and was checking how much it would cost to get a second set of high end head knockers/walking sticks I wanted to repurchase so I could always have a pristine second set in case they ever go out of production (one for myself, one to sell and possibly bank off of). She was checking out what I was doing and I told her about my plans. Without hesitation, she told me to pull up all the sticks I wanted, and began fishing in her purse. No sooner did I put desired items in the shopping cart did she provide me with her debt card and indicate that she would buy them for me. I asked her if she was sure and emphasized how expensive it would be as well as how it was not an essential purchase, but she insisted and said she didn't mind at all, even saying I could spend extra on S&H even though the order qualified for free shipping. She could tell I felt weird about it but insisted that she likes taking care of me this way because I'm a good friend and even better lover, but to be honest spending money on me for that kind of makes me feel ever so slightly like a Midnight Cowboy, but not in a good way (younger generation, look it up). After I made the purchase, she could tell I felt odd about the situation but ended up seducing me, and as good as it was at the moment, I can't help but wonder if this was to distract me from feeling weird about it, or a genuine attempt to show that she is genuinely into me as a lover.

 

This is only my third FWB kind of arrangement so needless to say, I don't know what the meaning of her doing this is. I've never had a girlfriend do this kind of thing for me, let alone a FWB. Has this ever happened to anyone else here ? What could her intentions be ?

[Art_Critic]

IMO.. you lost some of your man card by letting her buy the sticks purchase, you way you should have let her do that.. seems like you are going to use her..

 

Is that the kind of relationship you want ?

[Miss Peach]

Sounds like she wants to be the man...

[Gloria25]

You know, we live in different times. Women now have their own money....

 

There was a time a woman giving you attention, love, and/or sex was the reward for a man providing for her. It also was a motivator for guys to get out there and get a job/career and "stuff". I mean, a guy, through his net worth is what attracted women.

 

And, it ties into biology, because women need a strong provider/protector that they can mate with.

 

This thread, IMO, demonstrates that no matter if this is 2016, biology teaches us that men aren't gonna be comfortable with women spending on them. There are some, who are gigolos, lazy, bums...but, they are the exception - not the rule.

 

My 26yr old guy? I believe that this was a subconscious issue for him too...which isn't his fault as I'm past the point of life that he's just going through. But still, biology kicks in.

 

So, IMO, if you wanna keep a hard on for her, let her know that you appreciate it, but you weren't raised to accept so much from someone and she already does so much for you with just her time and attention (I'm framing it like this in hopes you let her down gently).

 

Cuz, obviously this is bothering you and soon you're gonna not be able to get it up for her anymore cuz you're gonna feel emasculated.

 

BTW, gender biology aside, it is overwhelming when you have someone who smothers you like this. I have a gf who always wants to pay for me, her friends, etc. I have been saving up to visit her cuz I don't want her to pay for a thing. Actually, her always wanting to pay is why I will put off visiting her. I mean, for the upcoming trip, she keeps on offering to pay for the airplane and mind you, this is after I sorta had the talk with her (like I'm advising you to do).

[Midnight_Madness]

Hi,

 

Some people just truly enjoy the gift of giving, especially to those they care about. I believe she didn't shower you in money from the get go as she is cautious of being taken advantage of.

 

Accepting all her gifts and giving nothing in return (not necessarily materialistic goods but emotionally) would be taking advantage of her generosity. Though I think it is clear that is not what you are doing. You may not be in a romantic relationship with her but you are in a physical relationship which involves providing attention, emotional and physical satisfaction and general companionship on occasion.

 

I do not find there to be anything bad about the situation except the discomfort it causes you. To resolve this I recommend talking to her about your desire to receive less extravagant gifts and less frequently as it makes you uncomfortable.

 

Best of luck in the future ?.

[MEAN956GUNS]

Apologies for not responding sooner, but as it turns out there was motive behind her spending. She currently receives alimony from her ex and as far as I can tell, her spending it on me is a form of revenge on her ex in her eyes. She indicated that he ended up with a much younger woman after they divorced and he spoiled her in a similar fashion and I guess her spending his money on me leaves her with a sense of satisfaction. Well needless to say, I can't argue with that, and for those who need a cane or hiking staff, I can honestly say that Cold Steel is definitely top of the line for both function and self defense !