I don't know where i stand and its depressing me :(

[its_complicated]

I really need some advise on my current situation, its taken a lot of courage for me to even type this out because I'm quite stubborn and don't tend to take peoples opinions on board, but in this case I'm getting extremely depressed and think it might help to have an anonymous opinion, so here goes...

 

When i was studying at University i met a really cool guy, we never dated or anything like that..i mean i always thought he was handsome but never thought anything of it other than us being friends. Anyway! as the years passed and we both moved back home (we live around 4 hours apart) , we used to message every now and again and he would give me advice on things.. i suffer with anxiety at times and other issues that effect my life.. he would always be a great person to consult my problems with as he always knew how to cheer me up. Anyway, eventually he came to visit me .. it was perfect because we hadn't seen each other in ages! and when i saw him i actually felt something, i was attracted to him physically and we clicked straight away.. he even got along with my mum and kept hinting that his mum would get along with my mum because they have a similar personality. On his visit he kissed me and we ended up sleeping together, but it felt different because it wasn't just about the sex.. he treated me like a gf in a way he called me beautiful and referred to me as a princess...he held my hand and gave me forehead kisses... he even went through the trouble of buying my mum a gift before he went back.. he even made plans to come back and visit for longer the next time..

 

After his visit we would message everyday.. i got in the habit of speaking to him daily and he asked me to go and visit him this time.. so i agreed to do so.I was so excited about seeing him again because i missed him so much. When i eventually saw him we spent the weekend cuddling, watching films.. yes we did sleep together again, He even took me out to dinner and paid for everything.. even when i offered my money he just wouldn't accept it.. Anyway, the situation at times got deep because he told me how he might have been a bit scared about having unprotected sex last time .. he said "its not that i wouldn't want a baby with you.. but its just too soon for the both of us" he even told me how much he likes my family and thinks he would fit in really well..and during sex he looked me in the eyes and told me he loved me.

 

This all sounded great but he told me he might have to ghost as he has a massive report due in November (he's a PHD student) and he had plans to go travelling next year and he was never really clear on where we stood.. it really hurts because i feel like I'm stuck in limbo..When i got home after spending the perfect weekend with him i texted him to say i had a nice time and look forward to the next time.. he replied saying he had a nice time to and that it sounded good. I then tried to keep the conversation flowing by telling him i had my hair done a few days later.. he replied asking for a picture of it but completely ignored it when i sent it to him.. he carried on by saying he had a long day at work and was so tired..so he was going to chill with his boy. I just replied saying "... you suck, have fun with your friend" which was probably immature of me in a way... anyway i haven't heard from him in 2 whole weeks which is fine because i understand he has studying to focus on... but he has appeared online since.. i mean whats stopping him from just saying a quick hi?... none of this makes sense to me..the connection was so real when i was with him now i feel like he doesn't even want to know me Please give me your opinion.. i haven't felt so down in a long time.. do u think maybe i should message him? or would it look clingy?

 

Sorry for the essay guys.. i would really appreciate your thoughts.. i miss my best friend and want him back in my life

Edited September 25, 2016 by its_complicated

[Osmium13]

Well, telling him he sucks probably isn't the greatest way to keep him interested!

 

To be honest, it sounds like he's not prepared to commit to a relationship right now. Whether that's because he just doesn't want one, or he doesn't wanted to be distracted from his studies / traveling is the question.

 

If he's going away for a long time, get on with your life. You never know who you might bump into tomorrow. Then, if you're both still at a loose end when he returns, you might hook up again... but don't waste your time pining over someone who may not be feeling that way about you.

[preraph]

I can't get past the point where he told you he'd rather not be having unprotected sex. Why on earth are you having unprotected sex, to trap a guy? That's nuts. He has told you he doesn't like that, so he needs to put a condom on or you need to get on some pills. Because so far it's just a few dates and too soon to expect anything more and certainly too soon to want a baby.

 

Whether he is ghosting you because of study or because he doesn't want to accidentally knock you up is anybody's guess, but if someone asks for space, give it to them and see if they come back or not. That's the only way to know.

 

And don't believe anything that comes out of a man's mouth while they're in the middle of sex. When men say "I love you" during sex, it's usually because they love sex. If he says it in the light of day when he's not even trying to have sex, that is more reliable.

 

He sounds like a nice guy. Get on birth control. He may think you're irresponsible because you're not, although he can certainly and should wear a condom.

[lightfoot]

It's not just about a lack of interest. If you haven't heard from him at all over two weeks after he brushed you off, he just doesn't respect you and isn't worth any consideration or heartache. Of course he's been online in that time, and it only takes two seconds to send a text. How can you ever trust a guy who doesn't respect you?

Edited October 13, 2016 by lightfoot