Should I block and delete this co-worker/friend?

[suckered]

Background

 

Last week, my work had a games night with about 8 different teams competing. Some people brought there partners. My close friend/co-worker and his wife were on another team. I am good friends with them both outside of work. We go to each other's houses, met each other's parents, I go shopping with his wife and so on.

 

So I was on another team. My team led the entire night until at the very last round where the other team (with my married couple friends) ended up winning by quarter of a point. They got a point for the question that they answered incorrectly (they actually appealed that the question was too vague so the referee panel accepted their answer).

 

The incident

 

Our table then appealed and was ignored. I was annoyed. The wife asked me to take the picture of the winning table and in my annoyance at the undeserved loss, I just said "can someone else take it". Then there was a bit of an argument where I talked to her and the husband (because I knew them better than others on their table) about if that point should have been awarded to them. I never attacked them personally, the whole discussion was about the question and how it was phrased. I remember then at one point husband/my co-worker said loudly "she just raised her voice! she is yelling at me!" and started walking away from me. I said "whatever" and walked away too. Husband said loudly again "Wow she just stormed off!" I still thought we were mostly joking and went home. That whole "confrontation" lasted about 2-3 minutes.

 

The after-warmth

 

As soon as I got home, I started getting texts from the wife how my behavior was so rude that it ruined her night. I was thinking "Ha, that ruined her night?". I responded with saying that I argued about the point, it was never personal and I thought we were half joking, it wasn't that big of a deal. She continued sending me messages about how rude I was and I eventually stopped responding.

 

The next day, her husband at work wasn't talking to me (I guess they were writing texts together). I tried to talk to him as normal but he kind of snapped at me and walked away.

 

That Friday I was supposed to go out to drinks that the husband has organized with few other co-workers before the games night incident. In the afternoon, the husband sends out group email to everyone invited about the time and place and I was deliberately left out of the e-mail. So I guess I just got un-invited. I text the husband "Am I now not welcome at drinks?" he wrote "don't be silly" without specifying time and place. I didn't go.

 

Next day, I sent a lengthy email to the husband (whom I have known for far longer than the wife) about how I was really hurt that the minor games night thing was blown so far out of proportion and that he un-invited me to drinks. He responded with how I have yelled at him and "stormed off" on the night and he was extremely upset and it ruined his night as well as "everyone's at the table" (WTF - everyone else from that table talked to me as normal the very next day). Note: he walked away first and I don't think I yelled at all. He went on to say that he is still highly annoyed but that it will blow over eventually. I responded that I was shocked at the amount of drama that was made out of nothing and I am not sure if *that* will ever blow over for me.

 

What to do?

 

Even though he is a co-worker, we don't work closely together so I don't think our professional life will be affected either way. I do feel betrayed that he has told a lot of other co-workers his version of events while I didn't talk to anyone. I have worked at that place for 6 years without any incidents whatsoever. I have attended various games nights for 20 years without any incidents whatsoever (just to put it in the prospective). I didn't have anything to drink on the night either.

 

Am I missing something? Am I in the wrong?

 

I am considering removing them both from social media and just do the bare minimum politeness with the husband at work but ignoring the wife completely.

[angel.eyes]

Personally, I think you're in the wrong. If someone tells me I yelled at them and that was not my intention, I apologize. Ditto, if someone tells me they found my behavior rude and that was not my intention. They are sharing their perception of my behavior. If I value the relationship, the least I can do is acknowledge their feelings and apologize for creating those feelings.

 

Arguing with them to "prove" that you're right is just more of the same nonsense that they experienced from you on game night. Much like bickering over a single point in a pointless game to the point that a friendship is destroyed. Honestly, was a $1 million on the line? A trip of a lifetime? A shot at the Olympics? I'm guessing not. So why were you arguing pointlessly over why they should NOT have won. A good sport would congratulate the winners and move on.

 

By the way, what did your teammates do? Did they also argue with the judges publicly and create a noisy fuss about why the other team should not have won?

[CarrieT]

Much ado about nothing...

 

In the grand scheme of things, is losing a friendship over A POINT worth it? If it is to you - for principal or whatever is in your head that justifies it - than, yes, block them and move on.

 

But I would suggest growing a thicker skin and accepting that incidents like this in life happen all the time and it is easier to just live with minor injustices than get one's panties bunched up over them.

[suckered]

Personally, I think you're in the wrong. If someone tells me I yelled at them and that was not my intention, I apologize. Ditto, if someone tells me they found my behavior rude and that was not my intention. They are sharing their perception of my behavior. If I value the relationship, the least I can do is acknowledge their feelings and apologize for creating those feelings.

 

Arguing with them to "prove" that you're right is just more of the same nonsense that they experienced from you on game night. Much like bickering over a single point in a pointless game to the point that a friendship is destroyed. Honestly, was a $1 million on the line? A trip of a lifetime? A shot at the Olympics? I'm guessing not. So why were you arguing pointlessly over why they should NOT have won. A good sport would congratulate the winners and move on.

 

By the way, what did your teammates do? Did they also argue with the judges publicly and create a noisy fuss about why the other team should not have won?

 

Yes they did. Not just them but another unrelated team to. The only difference is that they didn't know anyone at the winning table so didn't argue with anyone from the table directly, just the judges.

[suckered]

Much ado about nothing...

 

In the grand scheme of things, is losing a friendship over A POINT worth it? If it is to you - for principal or whatever is in your head that justifies it - than, yes, block them and move on.

 

But I would suggest growing a thicker skin and accepting that incidents like this in life happen all the time and it is easier to just live with minor injustices than get one's panties bunched up over them.

 

Much ado about nothing is exactly my thoughts.

 

I actually don't care about losing the game it's just that they took it too far by un-inviting me to a planned event and generally acting like it's the end of the world.

 

I am not prepared to stay in a friendship if they are going to keep making me "pay" for something so ridiculous.

[angel.eyes]

If you didn't care about losing the game, why were you arguing with the judges...AND the winners? Over one point?!?!? Just move on to the next game night. After all, you've been going to game night for twenty years. It's not as if this was the last game night ever.

 

I noticed you didn't address my question about the prize? Was there a prize? What was it?

[spiderowl]

I can see your point of view and concern about your co-worker's behaviour. If it was indeed nothing and he and his wife made more of if, then you need to think how to react. I would take the high road and not cut him off or be unpleasant, just treat him and his wife as normal even if it seems difficult. You still have to work with him.

 

However, I think you ought to be honest with yourself too. Contemplate your actions and ask yourself honestly how you would have felt if you had been in their shoes? I am not implying any blame on yourself at all here - after all, I have no idea what happened in reality - but in order to do the right thing you need to be honest. If an apology is due to them, then no amount of saying 'it was nothing' is going to help. That would just be denying their feeling and the truth of the situation.

 

So, something for you to think about. I hope it gets resolved as it is difficult working with a cloud like that. But, sometimes we just have to carry on and try to put things behind us.