Jump to content

Developing feelings for a friend?


mail9993321

Recommended Posts

I've known my friend for a couple of years, when we first met she was interested in me but I wasn't in that place emotionally so we just stayed friends. Since then we've stayed friends and do enjoy spending time together (we go on holiday in a month), but I've always found there's been this kind of awkwardness at times when I see her and conversation sometimes is not always truly easy like it is with other friends.

 

Its weird because although I feel like that, I always come away and think about her and I'm pretty sure I am developing feelings for her.

 

 

What does it show that after two years of friendship it sometimes feels like we are meeting each other for the first time? I don't know if it's just that we don't share too many common interests, or that I just have and have had feelings for her and it's been in the back of my mind all this time.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe you have attraction but not much else to talk about? Do you have common interests? If you want to pursue romance with her, you need to ask her on a real date and tell her it's a date and see how that goes down. Where you pick her up and take her somewhere and pay for it, take her home and kiss at the door.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

This happened to me. I am currently dating my best friend and we were friends for 10 years before I had the guts to make a move. Now we have a family :)

 

When men and women are friends there's always an attraction. Sometimes from men, sometimes from women or both. And it's inevitable it's just normal human nature. So be honest with yourself.

 

What are you really feeling and how long has it been? Do you find her cute or is your heart beating hard every time you see her? Do you share the same perception of love, life, interests, long term goals, etc? The reason that you should challenge yourself with some questions is that you want to avoid the wrong move. If you open up to her and you guys date but later found out that you were just attracted to her physically, you've just messed up a friendship.

 

Sometimes we can have a girl as our friend and we could feel attracted to her but this is not a good reason to make a move and spoil a friendship. If you really do have emotions and it's stronger than you, then simply talk to her about it, get it off your chest. You can never be wrong by being honest... the best thing would be to take her out and see if both of you can be romantic with each other and be able to seduce each other. Hope this helps, all the best!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I've known her for a couple of years, I know I've always been attracted to her physically (had I not been emotionally in a bad place when I met her I'm sure we would have dated as she openly said she had a crush on me), I've just probably never thought about anything more as I am very different to her and because it's been awkward thought there is not enough common ground to forge a relationship.

 

I don't think I'm a jealous person but I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw she was seeing a guy - it could be jealousy or the thought that I could have missed out on something good with her so I'm trying to understand my feelings.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, is that all it is? You don't want her but your competitive instinct plus some doubt on your part as to whether you can trust your own judgment has made you question that if he wants her, what am I missing. I've known so many guys who don't give a crap about a woman until some other guy takes an interest in her. They don't want her, but they don't want anyone else to have her.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Oh, is that all it is? You don't want her but your competitive instinct plus some doubt on your part as to whether you can trust your own judgment has made you question that if he wants her, what am I missing. I've known so many guys who don't give a crap about a woman until some other guy takes an interest in her. They don't want her, but they don't want anyone else to have her.

 

Nah I think you are overthinking it.

 

I think the OP is genuine. He's the type who is cautious and at times may overanalyze things (just like me).

 

I've had guys like me but were too afraid to approach. But when they see some other guy smiling and laughing with me that was enough to light a fire under them and force them to make a move.

 

Some people like to rush into things. I personally enjoy the back and forth, hot and cold with a little mystery... to an extent. A guy who is otherwise outgoing but a bit love shy only around me has an endearing quality and I find it attractive.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I've known my friend for a couple of years, when we first met she was interested in me but I wasn't in that place emotionally so we just stayed friends. Since then we've stayed friends and do enjoy spending time together (we go on holiday in a month), but I've always found there's been this kind of awkwardness at times when I see her and conversation sometimes is not always truly easy like it is with other friends.

 

Its weird because although I feel like that, I always come away and think about her and I'm pretty sure I am developing feelings for her.

 

 

What does it show that after two years of friendship it sometimes feels like we are meeting each other for the first time? I don't know if it's just that we don't share too many common interests, or that I just have and have had feelings for her and it's been in the back of my mind all this time.

 

Your feelings are normal.

 

In your situation you are attracted to your friend/acquaintance but you've never expressed it formally. It's bottled up inside of you and those butterflies you experience will remain until you let them all out and lay your cards on the table.

 

Because of your feelings this person will likely never be your regular friend/buddy. The attraction you have will always categorize this person in a different mental place.

 

Enjoy these feelings. It's a natural high that you normally only feel in the beginning of a romantic relationship (should it progress to something later). Once you spill the beans and you are both on the same page your emotions will shift to a different place in your mind. This process is currently stuck (2 years later) because you haven't taken the next step.

 

If this person is not attached I highly recommend asking them out. Don't wait too long otherwise you'll be kicking yourself for waiting too long. Good luck and tell us how it's worked out. ;)

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...
  • Author

We went on holiday as friends recently for a few days, it was nice but felt really odd as at times it feels like we hardly had anything to say to each other and at times I could sense she was probably getting kinda uncomfortable which is something that just shouldn't happen with friends!

 

I know I'm physically attracted to her, but because we have this weird dynamic where we just don't seem to be able to naturally have conversations (or at least I feel that anyway) it's always meant I have side stepped any thought of saying something as it is evident that we just wouldn't work.

 

 

I keep thinking about her though and it does stay on my mind a lot - should I tell her what I feel to just get it off my chest, even if it means saying that I can see it wouldn't work between us, to see what she feels? Or would that really end any kind of friendship we might have? How would she feel if I told her I had feelings for her, but never chose to act on them because it just doesn't feel right? Or should I keep it to myself and just move on?

Link to post
Share on other sites

No, don't TELL her. Show her. Actions speak louder than words. If you just tell her, all you're doing is being cowardly and then telling her hoping then she makes the next move. Make a move and take the consequences. At least she will respect you had the nerve to try it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

I say go for it too. It is very possible that the sexual tension between you two is stifling conversation. Maybe you will be good together. It's time to find out.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...