Should I ask her out? Or will it ruin the friendship

[Phillip9]

I've been friends with this girl for over a year now and it's been didn't like her initially but after becoming closer we have a lot of common interest and now I have feelings for her. We've generally always done things together as a group but recently we've been doing this alone. She had initiated once but I have initiated the other times.

 

I don't have too much details but she's told me some personal things about her and we always share our food together when we're out. We generally have a good time together most times. Even when we're out with larger groups we generally end up talking to each other more than everyone else. However she sometimes cancel on plans we make.

 

I want to ask her out but at the same time don't want to ruin the friendship because we get along well. Does anyone have any thoughts?

[preraph]

If she cancels plans sometimes, she's probably not into you romantically. If she were, she'd be anxious to meet every opportunity.

[Phillip9]

I guess my question is would it be a bad idea to ask her out?

 

and what would be the best way to do it?

[todreaminblue]

I guess my question is would it be a bad idea to ask her out?

 

and what would be the best way to do it?

 

 

theres no secret to asking a person out...you just do it..like nike said.....just do it.....theres no bad in asking.....invite her to something you both like doing and do it together.....if she says im busy on that day say when is a day that would suit you...be calm and be courageous.and good luck......deb

[preraph]

So you've already done several things just the two of you. So you already know how to get her to go do things. Only difference is since you didn't act like a date on any of those, you're going to have to put the word "date" into your invitation to go out so she'll know it's a date. And then if she goes, you better kiss her at the end of the night or at least hold hands or something or you're never going to get this thing off the ground. She doesn't sound all that interested if she's so casual about you that she cancels plans and stuff. If I had a big crush on a guy, I'd be available even if my grandmother died that day.

[Phillip9]

Okay fair enough. I'm not sure it might be because my at times ambiguous plans put her off?

[willoughby]

Just my two cents :

 

Ask her out properly. Make it known that you are interested in more (if you are indeed interested in more). Don't beat around the bush. Don't make it open to interpretation. If you don't, you will always wonder what could have been.

 

When you are her friend and you really care about her, and you don't say anything, you will have to stay on the sidelines while she is in relationships with other people. You can't decide you want to be with her when she is in the middle of a relationship. You can't screw with a girl's head like that. You might be messing up a good thing for her. At least, this is what you would do if you really do care about her. One day, the relationship she is in won't end. She will fall in love and marry that person. Meanwhile, you are respecting her and her relationships, so you don't interfere. Inevitably, and for no other reason than just circumstance, you will grow apart and you will lose that friend anyway.

 

So, if you are interested in more and she is currently single, ask her out. If it ruins the friendship, it's better now than 5 years down the road when you are much closer and that loss hurts a lot more.

 

This is just worst-case scenario. Something to think about.

Edited August 31, 2016 by willoughby