Not sure what I'm looking for here

[BlahBlahBlah91]

Well I am good friends with this guy, that I had feelings for. But because of his weekend adventures with different girls I put those feelings aside. I didn't tell anyone and when he tried to make me one of those girls I turned him down (although he's only tried when he's drunk).

We got a lot closer as friends as the years went by still having that little spark that regretfully I never spoke about. Their were small signs that he felt the same way, he said I was different from the other girls, he respected me and that I was one of his top favourite people just after family and when he doesn't see me in a while he asks where I am or says that he misses me, he always calls me when he's been drinking and just wants to talk.

Now the thing is my sister broke up with her partner and I invited her to come out with my friends. It went down hill from their at first it was all a big joke about him and her getting together, now they have made a friends with benefits relationship. I've tried to be supportive because she's my sister and he is a close friend despite my own feelings. But now her feelings have grown for him and I can't help but feel irritated at the whole idea. He still try's to flirt with me, more so when she's not around but it feels so wrong but at the same time It feels normal and nice. Then I feel so guilty and sad. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know exactly how he feels and I don't think I want to know either way.

I know this sounds really bad I mean she's my sister but at the same time I can't help how I feel.

[bluebell]

It sounds to me like you are jealous and frustrated that your sister is with someone you want and chose to say no to.

 

Just remember why you said no. From what you've said, he sounds like a player who has no respect for women. Why else would he be flirting with you - knowing full well he is sleeping with your sister.

 

You might be attracted to him, but would you want to be treated the same way?

[Bee4Shine]

I know those feelings are so confusing. But they are feelings, indicators of what needs attention. We don't follow feelings, we listen to them, evaluate them and make healthy wise choices. He is not for you. It may feel nice that he calls you and that you have a friendship and a spark. But taking that further will lead to heartache and frustration and lots of pain. I am sorry for your sister, because that is where she is heading. Please keep your head high, follow your plan and do not fall victim to his manipulation. You were wise to reject his initial attentions and you are wise now to walk away. Find a group of friends that can encourage you and help you, not bring you down and use you.

[basil67]

She's got feelings and he's a player? This is going to end badly for your sis. Does she know that he's a player?

[preraph]

He's a player and he's a player with double standards, which is why all the "you're different from other girls" talk. The women who have sex with him, he doesn't respect and take seriously. He discards them, sounds like.

 

It's disrespectful that your sister would start getting on him without talking to you and making sure you were comfortable with it. And it's very disrespectful of him, to say the least. Since the only thing they have in common is you, I feel both should have felt you out about it. I mean, if some guy friend of mine even became interested in a close friend of mine, I'd expect to be given at least a heads-up since I know both of them.

 

But whatever, it's done. So if I were you ALL I would do is get busy socially and dating people and tell both of them if they try to drag you in that you don't want to get in the middle.

[Logan787]

Whatever you do, don't get into a relationship with this guy. He is trouble, and from what you've said, he isn't the kind of guy that can be faithful. You should steer clear of him, relationship wise. As far as a friend. He seems to look at you like a "spare tire" type. He only gets you out when he needs you.

[spiderowl]

I'm really sorry because you are in such a difficult position. You could have got together with this guy but didn't because if the way he treated women, but deep down you liked him. Now he is having some sort of relationship with your sister. No wonder you feel so mixed up.

 

I can imagine feeling jealous and upset in such a situation. Maybe it will help to remind you how he treated women and how he is still treating women, getting them interested in him and then not getting more involved. It sounds like he has done this with your sister.

 

Will he be a romantic partner for your sister or just sleep with her like all the rest? Who knows? It doesn't sound like he has much respect for her if he's chatting you up in the background. It would be the ultimate betrayal if you were to become involved with him now. Your sister would be devastated. You can't help your feelings and it must be very difficult for you now.

 

What to do? I don't know. Keep out of it for now. Be honest with your sister and tell her how you have felt about him and how difficult it is for you now, but that you want the best for her. Then stay clear until the dust has settled at least.

 

Whatever happens in the long run, think twice about taking up with a guy who seems to be a womaniser. He might choose you as the long-term one - it happens - but why has he had so many girlfriends that haven't lasted? I know a woman whose long-term partner chose her out of all the other women he'd 'been through'. He is cheating on her, has done for years.

Edited September 12, 2016 by spiderowl