I like my ex professor so much. What can I do

[SilverGirlMoon]

It has been more than 3 years I have met this man, lets call him David.

 

I was finishing my MA and he was new at our university. I found him very interesting since the beginning, but I didn't care much about him, because I was so concentrated on finishing my MA. I realized he was a bit nervous when I asked him something and he blushed several times. As time went, we started to talk more, I would say he was more initiative in this because he is quite friendly person. I felt that there is great understanding between us and that we find each other sympathetic plus he helped me a lot with school things, gave me really good advices etc. He didnt have to do all these things, but he did and Im still so grateful to him.

 

I was enjoying every time I saw him or talked with him, and later I realized that I felt in love with him. At that time time we were hanging out (I was not his student at this time) and I found out he has a girlfriend. Since then I tried to distance myself from him. I was telling myself "don't be crazy, he is in relationship, he is not for you". Time went by, I met my ex boyfriend, but I still couldn't forget this professor.

 

After two years I finally saw him at one uni event and it was pretty awkward - I was entering the hall, feeling that someone is watching at me. I looked up and my eyes met with his wide open eyes, staring at me. I panicked and I didnt say "hi", I just tried to sit on my chair. When I realized that I should tell him "hi", I looked at him again but he looked away. We were doing that for the rest of the event - looking at each other and looking away. It was crazy. He also seemed to be very upset.

 

I was so sad for this and after some months I finally took a courage to write him an email, thanking him for everything he did for me in past, telling him that some of his advices "helped" me to get the grant and I also apologized for not saying him "hi" during that event. He wrote me back, glad to hear from me and suggested to meet for a coffee.

 

And here I am. I am not sure if he knows that I like him, but I feel like it is impossible to hide it. Moreover, I need to see him because of some school things (he is still prof and I am phd student now, but at the different uni) and I don't know how to behave. I don't want he knows I like him, so I decided to be just friendly as I have always been with him, but I am sure I will be pretty nervous.

 

Does anyone has the idea what to do?

[SammySammy]

Meet him for coffee. I'm sure he already knows you like him.

 

He invited you. You like him. You're at another school now, so there are no ethics issues.

 

Go.

[elaine567]

Meet him for coffee. I'm sure he already knows you like him.

 

He invited you. You like him. You're at another school now, so there are no ethics issues.

 

Go.

 

No ethics issues re prof/student but there is the little issue of his gf.

[preraph]

You love him so much that you want to jeopardize his career and his personal life. That's not love.

[SilverGirlMoon]

You love him so much that you want to jeopardize his career and his personal life. That's not love.

 

Jeopardize? And how? I wrote that I was distant, I didnt contact him for more than three years because I respect his life and career. But we are from the same field and it is quite hard to always play like that he doesn't exist.

[basil67]

Just a couple of thoughts to stop you from overthinking.

 

A good prof will help and guide all his/her students. So, I would actually put his assistance there in the category of things he should do.

 

Also, the blushing and stammering is not normal for any confident person outside of their teens. I think it's more about dubious social skills than a crush. After all, academia does have a reputation for having a higher number of 'unusual' peeps than regular society.

 

Asking you for coffee may be an innocent catch up and he's interested in seeing what work you're doing at present.

 

Not saying that it's impossible that he's got a thing for you, but the things you cite as interest on his part may not be romantic interest.

[SilverGirlMoon]

Just a couple of thoughts to stop you from overthinking.

 

A good prof will help and guide all his/her students. So, I would actually put his assistance there in the category of things he should do.

 

Also, the blushing and stammering is not normal for any confident person outside of their teens. I think it's more about dubious social skills than a crush. After all, academia does have a reputation for having a higher number of 'unusual' peeps than regular society.

 

Asking you for coffee may be an innocent catch up and he's interested in seeing what work you're doing at present.

 

Not saying that it's impossible that he's got a thing for you, but the things you cite as interest on his part may not be romantic interest.

 

Yeah, I have to agree with the points you mention, I also thought like that about it - especially about helping me (I don't see anything romantic about it, as I wrote, he is just very kind person) and Im not saying he is interested in me romantically. Problem is that I am and I don't know how to behave in front of him, because I don't want to complicate everything because of my feelings.

[elaine567]

JBut we are from the same field and it is quite hard to always play like that he doesn't exist.

 

OK but he has nothing whatsoever to do with you now as you are at a different uni.

You may be in the same field but are you trekking across the country/the world to have coffee with every professor that is in the same field...??

I guess not.

 

Stay away.

Nothing good can come of this.

You are besotted, and he has a gf.