ExtraSpice Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Okay so I have a coworker with whom, I believe, my interactions were very flirtatious. Even some flirtation that could be construed as sexual. We have gone out for lunches during our lunch break and in group settings with coworkers. Well either way I was interested in taking it further and I though she was too. So I had a wedding to go to and asked if she wanted to come as my +1. She said yes and then later asked if it is a date or just as friends. I said date. She said okay but then sort of got unsure and said she can't date people from work because of past bad experiences. Then said if I wanted to go alone or with someone else that would be fine. In the moment I just said no that is fine. Ugh! Should have said yeah I will go alone. Either way now it is just weird. We are acting normal on the surface but there is def some weirdness. I don't know if I should just go through with it and leave it be or just rescind the invitation. Would me rescinding it make it more awkward? Yes in hindsight it was a mistake to ask a coworker out. Shouldn't have even tried to get involved with a coworker but that is done, nothing I can do about that. Could I have misconstrued the signs I thought to be flirtation? Yeah I could have but I am fairly sure it was flirting. Does flirtation mean anything? Not really, it is easy and non committal and maybe some people do it because it is just fun. I am half venting and half asking how to proceed with this invitation fiasco. Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 In this case, rescind. It sounds like she doesn't want to go to but didn't want to hurt your feelings. I doubt she will be upset if you say you found someone else to go with. In the future, I would reserve wedding +1 invites for someone you are already dating rather than someone you've just been flirting with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ExtraSpice Posted August 11, 2016 Author Share Posted August 11, 2016 Yeah you're right. That should be reserved for people already dating. Thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 I would just say I know you're uncomfortable so I'm fine going alone. Leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 Yeah, you definitely made a mistake in trying to make the first date-like event between you a wedding. It reads like you're trying to present the two of you as a "couple" to your friends. (Even if that's not at all what you intended.) I think you need to be like, "Sorry, I goofed with this. Didn't mean to put you in a weird spot, just thought your company would make this lame thing more fun. But I actually do think it makes more sense for me to go solo, so you're off the hook. ;)" Give it some time (like, at least two weeks) to let the awkwardness die down, and then maybe later you can circle back to try for something much more casual. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 Tell her you found a date for the wedding and are letting her off the hook. Tell her, "I hope you didn't buy a dress or anything? If so, let me know if I can reimburse you." It doesn't have to stay awkward. Just act casual about it like you're a big boy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ExtraSpice Posted August 11, 2016 Author Share Posted August 11, 2016 Yeah my logic behind asking her for a wedding was that we are past the introductions or getting to know each other so it shouldn't come on too strongly. And I know only one person at the wedding but how was she to know that. So obviously my logic was flawed. I am trying to let the awkwardness die down and act normal. Though it is tough. Rejection isn't exactly a self esteem booster lol. But it's not the end of the world so shouldn't be too difficult to let the awkwardness die. I am, however, thinking at this point maybe it's best to just slowly shift to just a coworker relationship or I don't know if that just makes it more awkward. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 (edited) She clearly doesn't want to go anymore so there is no harm in upfront telling her that you'll be going without her, no need to make anything up. And there isn't anything to feel awkward about. She reciprocated and engaged in flirting with you, it's only normal that the thought of her liking you crossed your mind hence the reason why you asked her to an event. In other words it's her bad not yours. I would just continue on talking/flirting as if nothing has changed, I actually view that as a perk of going to work if you know what I mean. Lastly, I'm sure it's in her nature to be flirty with people, so I wouldn't think over analyze her. Edited August 13, 2016 by JDPT 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ExtraSpice Posted August 16, 2016 Author Share Posted August 16, 2016 I did just tell her that it is best if I go alone. And the awkwardness has died down a lot, probably because my perception of the situation has changed. But yeah I get what you mean about it being a perk. I am just continuing as normal now. Thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 Good for you man, sometimes we think of others more than we think about ourselves. I've been in your shoes and sometimes confused a chick reciprocating to certain advances for something else. Then came the day and thought, wait a minute things are cool the way they are and that's where I came up with, Perks of going to work, nothing more nothing less. It takes two to tango don't let anyone make you feel weird of awkward about it. lol . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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