Query about a Guy Friend

[winny]

I have a male friend (lets call him A) and we hang out a lot.. in group or just the 2 of us. He also goes out with other friends and girls. However I never question him about who he went with and where to unless he tells me on his own. I have felt attracted to him many times and we always have a great time whenever we hangout. Recently another guy in our group asked me out for a movie in front of him and other friends and I said yes. It was more a friendly invite than a date coz everyone apart from the 2 of us had watched that movie so he asked me to join him if i want to watch it and I said... sure why not.

Later on that day A tried to tease me and said... wow so you have a date... nice... are you going to hold his hands when you watch the movie??!!! what if the movie extends to dinner and something else after that??? You should be prepared. I felt irritated and said... Do I ever ask you who you go out with and where to and how prepared you are for those outings??? Why do you ask me then??!!!! So he stopped... But next day he texted me to ask... so how was the movie... I ignored the text.A day later we were texting about something else and he again posed the same question... you didnt tell how was the movie with him.i again ignored his question.then for few more days he asked me many times... same question... and finally he said... i like to tease you coz you get irritated... you can simply say... oh yeah I like that guy and i will stop teasing u.. i said... but why would i say i like him when i dont.... and anyways its none of ur business... so stop this... after that he didnt ask me abt it.

So did he do this coz he was jealous? Does he like me?

[kgcolonel]

He likes you.....simple enough...ask him why he hasn't asked you out on a DATE? (if of course, you're interested)

[bu2002]

Yes I think he likes you.

[winny]

He likes you.....simple enough...ask him why he hasn't asked you out on a DATE? (if of course, you're interested)

I always thought he liked this other girl ... and that girl gives him expensive gifts n they hook up even I think... But over the weekend I got a text from that gal that he is upset about something n very angry n only i can get him outta it coz he likes my company better than anything else... I dint know what to make of this text n started to think if he likes me then whats going on with this girl... And she never texts me so how come she called me twice (which i dint pick) n then texted me. Why doesnt she herself gets him outta it?? I dint respond to her text.

 

So yeah I am interested in him but due to this other girl I always felt mixed signals from his end... And his other actions were also confusing....

[basil67]

Not even mixed signals really. If he was seriously interested in you, he wouldn't be having a casual thing with her.

 

That said, why are you rejecting her calls?

[winny]

Not even mixed signals really. If he was seriously interested in you, he wouldn't be having a casual thing with her.

 

That said, why are you rejecting her calls?

 

I had few interactions with her in the past and I did not at all like her as a person. I found her extremely negative and always gossiping and kind of characterless. And when she called me it was a Friday evening and I was sleeping after a long work week and as i looked at the phone ringing and her name flashing I was like - oh no cant listen to her right now... LOL

[preraph]

Guys, including the one you went to the movie and the friend, don't usually have purely platonic feelings. They may never act on it because their intentions are not serious enough to mess up a good friendship over, but I guarantee both have at least thought about what you'd look like naked.

 

You're doing the exact right thing ignoring his inquiries. If he wants it to be his business, he should have asked you on a real date eons ago and not just get competitive because someone else did.

[winny]

They may never act on it because their intentions are not serious enough to mess up a good friendship over

 

You're doing the exact right thing ignoring his inquiries. If he wants it to be his business, he should have asked you on a real date eons ago and not just get competitive because someone else did.

 

Yes, I agree I think you have explained it well.

I will keep my behavior the way it is... Obviously he doesn't like me enough to ask me out... which is bit of a bummer coz I like him a lot and have some attraction towards him... but I think it is best to maintain distance and more so with another gal in picture it seems pretty complicated....

[preraph]

Yes, I agree I think you have explained it well.

I will keep my behavior the way it is... Obviously he doesn't like me enough to ask me out... which is bit of a bummer coz I like him a lot and have some attraction towards him... but I think it is best to maintain distance and more so with another gal in picture it seems pretty complicated....

 

Yes. There's plenty of guys (and women) who don't want you enough to bring it on and commit to being a boyfriend but are competitive and possessive (not a good trait) and only wake up when they don't want somebody else to have you.

 

A similar thing happened to me decades ago. A guy I was in love with who hung around all the time and knew I loved him (but he had some ED problems I didn't know at the time) had much the same reaction when I went off on a party night with an acquaintance of his who he'd just met but would be in his band. He was there waiting for me at work the next morning and acting amused, but it wasn't at all normal for him to come up to work and wait until I got there. He'd earlier come to my apartment and been sent away by my roommate. So as soon as he heard, he had come forthwith to give me crap about it. But he wasn't being my boyfriend, and lord knows I'd tried. So....

[winny]

So this guy I posted about earlier might leave the city and go to adjacent state for a new job. It's not confirmed but mostly he will leave... within the next month. He told me about it when we went for dinner last night. While I was happy for him but I also felt sad.I came home and was watching a TV show and something sad happened on it and normally I wouldnt start to cry but that sad scene made to me start crying and before I knew I was crying volumes and then I realized I am crying because of my guy friend... I wanted to tell him... Plz dont go... and the thought of not seeing him everyday is killing me... I do have other friends in my group but I always hung out with this guy the most... And there were all these crazy feelings inside me and I kept crying n crying.

Morning I woke up and I am thinking should I just stop talking to him and meeting him.... will that help? What do you guys think..... ?

[preraph]

Keep yourself together and do nothing. See if he even moves. It might have been just to see if he got a reaction or something. Just keep your cool and wait. If he is leaving, there's no point doing anything anyway. If he's not, he's a liar and doesn't deserve your tears.

[winny]

Keep yourself together and do nothing. See if he even moves. It might have been just to see if he got a reaction or something. Just keep your cool and wait. If he is leaving, there's no point doing anything anyway. If he's not, he's a liar and doesn't deserve your tears.

 

Had a long long chat with my best friend who lives in a separate country last evening and one of things we talked about is this guy. I felt much better after that. Thanks preraph.. I do agree there is a chance he is lying. And I am going to act cool. Will keep you posted here.

[winny]

He hasnt given me any new updates on the new job and plans to move since I posted here last time.

Over the last weekend he went camping. After he returned he texted me saying..."Am back" and a pic of his tent and got irritated when I didnt respond back for more than an hour. Teased me that I am jealous that I didnt go with him for camping so I am not responding to the pic. Last night he sent me a pic of a bra with pokemon go design on it and joked that I should buy one like that. When I responded in surprise and sarcasm saying what kind of guys would get turned on by this... he said... maybe nerdy guys... (both of us play pokemon go).

[winny]

He went on a trip this weekend with the other gal to a place that I have been wanting to go for months. When he texted our group of friends that he is going there... I texted back saying that I am really sad that he didnt invite me when he knows how much I wanted to go to there since months.

He replied saying that he always takes me wherever possible but this time he knew I wont want to come because that other gal is there who I dont like. I said - if you will only make plans with her then how can I come. He said - Do you think I make the plans. I said - i dunno who makes the plan, I am just really sad right now.

He said... we will go to X and Y and Z... and we will also come to this place again in winter when it is best time. I also wanted to come with you to L but that plan didnt work out. Dont be sad. And this is a dangerous trip if u get sad and something goes wrong then?

I said... okay fine just dont give me any details of how awesome your trip was when u return.

After that I texted the group of friends that hey lets have a game night at my place. And people agreed.

This morning that guy texted me in a teasing way - u r such a sadist n jealous.. u make plans when u know I am out (he was referring to the game night).

And I was thinking - wow seriously!! is he kidding... he is on this super awesome trip and he is texting me to say this?!!! I responded saying - Nice way of making fun of our little plan.

[preraph]

Oh, jeez. He is such a game player. He likes yanking your chain a LOT. He doesn't take you seriously enough to really commit to a real date and call it a date and act like a gentleman, but he loves to see if he can get a jealous reaction. Honestly, he may be one of those "right fighters." He just wants to be able to be the one who rejects and can't stand it if you aren't begging after him.

I think this is how he keeps his ego pumped up. He would LOVE to think women are after him. But again, he doesn't want you bad enough to just step up and be a man and date you properly, so......please don't get too invested in him. The way he is, well, he's very manipulative trying to control things. Not something you want to put up with long-term. Good luck.

[winny]

Oh, jeez. He is such a game player. He likes yanking your chain a LOT. He doesn't take you seriously enough to really commit to a real date and call it a date and act like a gentleman, but he loves to see if he can get a jealous reaction. Honestly, he may be one of those "right fighters." He just wants to be able to be the one who rejects and can't stand it if you aren't begging after him.

I think this is how he keeps his ego pumped up. He would LOVE to think women are after him. But again, he doesn't want you bad enough to just step up and be a man and date you properly, so......please don't get too invested in him. The way he is, well, he's very manipulative trying to control things. Not something you want to put up with long-term. Good luck.

 

These last 2-3 weeks have been eye opening.

And yes thats what I thought also - he is away on a trip with limited to no mobile phone reception and still from there when he got some reception for few mins he is trying to control me!!!! Wow!!! He made it sound like a joke but I dont think it was!

 

I would never have said I am sad or anything but it took me by surprise when he broke the news of his trip (and out of all the places that people can go - they plan to go to this one place which I like). But after some time I was fine and planned stuff with other friends for the weekend. Obviously that didnt give him the reaction he wanted....

 

He does love yanking my chain. I can see it so clearly now. And I can connect so many other incidents to this as well when I was puzzled about what he said and just laughed it off and he never got the reaction he wanted. Not that I did something deliberately but because I just didnt understand what he was trying to do. But he has been repeating same pattern for so long now that I can no longer ignore it.

Couple of months back when he went on another trip out of the state and the rest of us just went to downtown he messaged me later and also said to me and another guy in the group - why didnt u guys invite me. That friend was like - Dude you were not even in the state!!! So he said... but still I would have liked an invitation and then he started to laugh and made it into a joke. And I was like - what??!!!

And I have already describe in my original post how he reacts when I go out with any other guy!!!

Recently a new guy at work who I dont know sent me a friends request on Facebook so I was discussing with my friends that looks like this guy has been stalking me at work and somehow found my name and Facebook page. I was concerned and wanted to share this with all friends and everyone was either understanding or asked me to take it lightly... his reaction was weird. He messaged me and said - Oh you must be so happy now that a new guy is giving you so much attention.

I told him to stop taunting me like this.

He just likes the ego boost and he is nothing but an insecure n manipulative brat who brags all day and cant handle for a sec if a gal doesn't pay him attention.

I am so angry right now!!!

[winny]

And also, he has managed to give that other gal an impression that he likes my company the best and NOT hers. Just a way to yank her chain as well.... I dont like her and find her manipulative too... but the way she wrote that text message to me... literally begging me to talk to him... that shows she is so insecure and has been led to believe that even if he spends time with her... still... he likes my company and she is not good enough. That way she will struggle and do more and more things for him to impress him more.... buy more gifts etc...

 

Till now I didnt get it... but now I have and now he will see some real strong feminine power............... LOL

I maybe very kind hearted and emotional but I am not insecure or jealous or crazy or manipulative.... and I truly believe that manipulative people have no power of their own and they feed off the reaction of others.... And I am going to take this power away from him by being happy.

Edited August 7, 2016 by winny

[preraph]

These last 2-3 weeks have been eye opening.

And yes thats what I thought also - he is away on a trip with limited to no mobile phone reception and still from there when he got some reception for few mins he is trying to control me!!!! Wow!!! He made it sound like a joke but I dont think it was!

 

I would never have said I am sad or anything but it took me by surprise when he broke the news of his trip (and out of all the places that people can go - they plan to go to this one place which I like). But after some time I was fine and planned stuff with other friends for the weekend. Obviously that didnt give him the reaction he wanted....

 

He does love yanking my chain. I can see it so clearly now. And I can connect so many other incidents to this as well when I was puzzled about what he said and just laughed it off and he never got the reaction he wanted. Not that I did something deliberately but because I just didnt understand what he was trying to do. But he has been repeating same pattern for so long now that I can no longer ignore it.

Couple of months back when he went on another trip out of the state and the rest of us just went to downtown he messaged me later and also said to me and another guy in the group - why didnt u guys invite me. That friend was like - Dude you were not even in the state!!! So he said... but still I would have liked an invitation and then he started to laugh and made it into a joke. And I was like - what??!!!

And I have already describe in my original post how he reacts when I go out with any other guy!!!

Recently a new guy at work who I dont know sent me a friends request on Facebook so I was discussing with my friends that looks like this guy has been stalking me at work and somehow found my name and Facebook page. I was concerned and wanted to share this with all friends and everyone was either understanding or asked me to take it lightly... his reaction was weird. He messaged me and said - Oh you must be so happy now that a new guy is giving you so much attention.

I told him to stop taunting me like this.

He just likes the ego boost and he is nothing but an insecure n manipulative brat who brags all day and cant handle for a sec if a gal doesn't pay him attention.

I am so angry right now!!!

 

That is very telling. Because right there, he told you how HE is. So now you know he projects how he is onto other people. And he wants constant attention probably to keep his ego intact.

 

Really, I would stop letting this guy even know what you do and try not to get any more involved. He's a mess. And he may feed on negative attention, not just positive, and nothing is ever right with those people because they create chaos. I think he's someone to avoid and not let in.