Dated a friend of 20 years, absolute disaster.

[Giggles666]

I have known a woman for almost 20 years, we met when she actually asked me out 20 years ago. I broke up with her because I was young and she was a bit older than me and the whole thing kind of intimidated me. We've been pretty good friends ever since. I always removed myself from us hanging out when I felt the urge to tell her I liked her.

 

About 6 months ago I told her I liked her all this time, every time I am around her I feel very excited. So she says I should ask her out. So I do. We had a very fast and furious short term relationship. Lots of groping, kissing, and kind of skipped the whole getting to know each other phase. We already knew each other.

 

The last night I saw her we had sex, I had waited almost 20 years for the moment. Then I get a text, "I'm overwhelmed", she dumped me and gave me very little in the way of an explanation. One day she told me she "had feelings and panicked" then shortly afterwards she told me she "was out, she could not do this anymore". All I got in any type of explanations. Fair enough, she confused me a lot.

 

Our talks became very awkward and strained, then one day she called me and started screaming at me because of my insistence of wanting to now what went wrong. She would evade, flat out ignore, and even change the subject...in no way shape of form would she discuss what happened. I decided to go NC. Recently we reunited at a cookout and she told me to ask her to do something the following weekend. At first, I declined saying I liked her and things will never be the same. Turns out a day later a common friend told me this woman and her talked about me about a week earlier and she really missed me and she seemed interested in me again.

 

So I figured go for it. We talked all week and she told me she was still available all weekend. So I asked her out, she told me Friday would be great, she told me she would text me with details. Well, she never texted me. I went out to a bar, sitting outside the bar when she comes walking out. She was shocked to see me. I said hi and feigned indifference. 2 minutes later I get a call, "we'll meet up tomorrow night, is that OK?". I told her to "quit why she was ahead", she insisted she meant business so we made plans. The following morning I login into Facebook and the first thing I see is her friends and her took a trip across the state. I texted her and very nicely said "you all have fun .". I did not want any drama.

 

Today we spoke briefly, she as usual, evaded any discussion about what happened. Mind you this is a friend of 20 years so you would think we could be honest, we're in our 40s and she is almost 50.

 

I have to go no contact again and realize our friendship has run it's course.

 

My advice is simple, if you date a friend, things will change, do not expect to have the same dialogue or respect levels. Realize you are gambling big time and many times going to lose someone. It's a gamble that needs to be weighed. In my example I knew her well and never knew she would be as flakey and confusing as she turned out to be. Point being, you can know someone as a friend real well, but you do not know what they act like when it comes to dating. I realized this woman is a jerk when dating, but was a great friend.

 

My question is simple. Do I explain to her how I feel and tell her why I am going to disappear? Or do I just disappear? If this was someone I had just met I would just cut her off do NC with no explanation. Part of me feels I owe her an explanation since we go back decades, the other part of me realizes she showed me no respect and I'm very angry with her. Maybe I should just ride off into the sunset never to be seen again.

Edited July 12, 2016 by Giggles666

[preraph]

She hasn't been particularly considerate, so you do whatever makes you feel best as far as signing off. I'm sorry that happened. A friend of mine some decades ago insisted on us trying it. I was one of his two best friends, but once that didn't work out, his resentment kept us from being real friends again, though we could be friendly if we ran into each other and like that at least. I regretted it.

[Alamo657]

My question is simple. Do I explain to her how I feel and tell her why I am going to disappear? Or do I just disappear? If this was someone I had just met I would just cut her off do NC with no explanation. Part of me feels I owe her an explanation since we go back decades, the other part of me realizes she showed me no respect and I'm very angry with her. Maybe I should just ride off into the sunset never to be seen again.

 

Don't say you are going to disappear, just do it, you owe her no explanation.

 

You're expecting a rise out of her, an apology, a reconciliation, and from what we can gather, it will not come.

 

You wanted her, you had her, but she didn't want a relationship with you, and now she will loose you. That's the way things go.