aqrndrmr4612 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Backstory: This girl is going through a separation from her husband (in prison 2 yrs, plus more) and believed to be in process of leaving him. She wants a casual thing, and I hesitantly accept. It was fun for awhile until she started wanting more. I'm not in the place in my life where I want to be in a relationship nor and honestly if I was interested in trying again... it wouldn't be with her. Well, she confessed her wanting more and I explained to her that was never in the cards for me. She disappears for about a 5 weeks and is starting to come around again wanting to go back to the casual sex. I've spent a great deal of my life making bad decisions and am in the mindset of questioning everything I've done and doing and it's driving me crazy. Is trying the casual sex thing again with her a terrible idea if I feel like there is some part of her that will want more? She says she understands and is cool with me not wanting more, and just wants to get laid essentially. I'm open to it, but i feel like it'll be a bad idea on her part. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Backstory: Is trying the casual sex thing again with her a terrible idea if I feel like there is some part of her that will want more? Yes - and is the reason most of us heartily recommend against the FWB thing because someone always gets emotionally invested and someone always gets hurts. She says she understands and is cool with me not wanting more, and just wants to get laid essentially. I'm open to it, but i feel like it'll be a bad idea on her part. Thoughts? It is a bad idea. It already ended badly once. What makes you think it isn't going to happen again? Let her get laid elsewhere. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Is trying the casual sex thing again with her a terrible idea if I feel like there is some part of her that will want more? She says she understands and is cool with me not wanting more, and just wants to get laid essentially. I'm open to it, but i feel like it'll be a bad idea on her part. Thoughts? My mom was one of the wisest people I've ever known. She was not only booksmart but she was also very streetwise and had a real good understanding of how the world really worked, even if it was things that people didn't particularly like to hear. When I was coming of age she told me that no women ever just wants sex for purely sex's sake, she always wants something else to come along with it. She told me when it comes to sex there are only two kinds of honest women that tell the truth of what they are actually after. one is the woman that says she wants a relationship/companionship/support/commitment/home/family/marriage etc And the one that says she ca$h on the barrel. Those are the only two kinds of women that are telling the truth. Anyone that says something different has some kind of agenda that she is covering up for some reason. I have spent 50 years trying to find fault and poke holes in that theory but so far in half a century I have no been able to find anything that says that that is not true. If a woman says she'll have sex with you for a relationship and home and family, she likely means it but keep your eyes open. If a woman says she'll have sex with you for $100, she is likely telling the truth there as well. But anyone that says they just want to get laid and want absolutely nothing else with it, they have some other agenda in mind, you just may never know exactly what. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 IME when I feel female friends do stuff like this, it's because they really like a guy and are willing to accept lesser terms than what they really want in order to keep him around. I really doubt she's gotten over it and could really keep it casual. Either she's fooling herself and will eventually take a self-esteem nosedive or she's hoping you will evtually upgrade her once you see what a great woman she is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aqrndrmr4612 Posted July 6, 2016 Author Share Posted July 6, 2016 I know you guys are right. I'll let this one go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 I don't think every person who gets into a FWB does it as a manipulation in hopes to snag someone with the "candy"/promises of no strings attached sex. I think the sexual revolution wants us, especially women, to think we can handle sex w/o attachment, but biology takes over. I've done casual RLs with guys I couldn't stand and yeah, it was easy to not care where it went. But over the past few years I have been trying to do FWBs with guys who have qualities I like and it's not going good. My current guy, I like him a lot already and it's not just the biological endorphins from the sex...***sigh*** I don't know, I recently told him I have feelings....so, waiting for him to hit the eject button. I think you should let her go. Sorry. I don't think she came back to try to manipulate you by offering up more free sex, I think she either thinks she can handle it and/or will just be happy with whatever she can get from you - even if it's sex. Sucks... I mean, it's hard to just have sex like a robot. And sex is so much better when you spend more time doing it with the same person and/or you like them outside of the bedroom 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 (edited) If you lay it out, up front, what you're willing to offer her, then it's up to her. If she accepts then you're clear to have your fun and bang away. When she starts wanting more, assert your boundaries and don't give her any false hope. I've had several wonderful FWB and I fully approve. Edited July 7, 2016 by PogoStick Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 I don't think every person who gets into a FWB does it as a manipulation in hopes to snag someone with the "candy"/promises of no strings attached sex. I think the sexual revolution wants us, especially women, to think we can handle sex w/o attachment, but biology takes over. I've done casual RLs with guys I couldn't stand and yeah, it was easy to not care where it went. But over the past few years I have been trying to do FWBs with guys who have qualities I like and it's not going good. My current guy, I like him a lot already and it's not just the biological endorphins from the sex...***sigh*** I don't know, I recently told him I have feelings....so, waiting for him to hit the eject button. I think you should let her go. Sorry. I don't think she came back to try to manipulate you by offering up more free sex, I think she either thinks she can handle it and/or will just be happy with whatever she can get from you - even if it's sex. Sucks... I mean, it's hard to just have sex like a robot. And sex is so much better when you spend more time doing it with the same person and/or you like them outside of the bedroom Hence, the FRIENDS with benefits. Look this is temporary, and we're not going to get married, but lets have a blast while we can. Yeah, we're just having casual sex but I'll still take you out for dinner or cuddle up to a movie. It's relationship lite. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 I don't think every person who gets into a FWB does it as a manipulation in hopes to snag someone with the "candy"/promises of no strings attached sex. I totally agree that not everyone is angling for a relationship through FWB. But it seems like the woman the OP is referring to is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Let her go. This has disaster written all over it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aqrndrmr4612 Posted July 14, 2016 Author Share Posted July 14, 2016 (edited) I made the mistake of not listening to the forums before and it was a mess. I didn't do it this time and actually feel better. She persisted and even tried to get her friend to talk me into it. I don't think this is casual at all for her so I told her I don't think it's a good idea. I think Gloria hit it on the this time. What's really confusing is that we're not compatible at all and I didn't treat her all that greatt... at all. I mean, I didn't abuse her or anything but I didn't treat her with any romantic affection. I'm not normally like this but I was not invested into "emotions" at all right now. Yet, She somehow still "fell" for me and wants a relationship. I don't think to highly of myself and for her to want to be with me repulses me (that's an issue for another day). Everything about her says she can't be alone. I have rational evidence for my thinking but it doesn't really matter. This woman can't handle FWB. I guess I justed wanted to vent and say thanks. Edited July 14, 2016 by aqrndrmr4612 Link to post Share on other sites
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