Steven1 Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 When me and my now ex started speaking (we dated for 7 years) we spoke for about a year before we had met each other and obviously in that time got to know each other very well, obviously at times we flirted on etc and spoke as more than friends, but we became very close through that time. We broke up a few month ago, she is now with somebody else but still maintains that she wants to be friends, she has told her current boyfriend about me, and she even wants to meet for a drink in a few months after her studies etc, and she wants her current boyfriend to attend as well, which I am fine with. She did stress to me that we would never be more than friends again and I accept that decision, how ever I am wondering if there is still more there from her? She hasn't seen me since December last year and I've changed a lot since then, 6 days a week at the gym etc and just generally changed, which she doesn't know really. But seeing as we were friends, to lovers, to friends, now that is still maintaining that we are friends, do you think we are both treading on a fine line between something possibly happening again? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 No I think your EX actually believes you can be just friends. She's kidding herself. You can't be just friends immediately after a break up. It's too painful & awkward. What are you going to talk about? How heartbroken you are because your relationship ended? How fabulous your new SO is? It's naïve to think friendship is possible. If you are lucky you can be civil, meaning when you accidently bump into each other you can spend 5 minutes catching up on the others in your lives -- how are the parents/ kids / each others BFFs. etc but that is it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven1 Posted May 15, 2016 Author Share Posted May 15, 2016 It's been a few months, but it was a 7 year relationship lol. Ive gotten over it for the most part purely because holding on to any anger etc is just causing me pain when she is with someone else. She texted me a while back saying she wouldn't delete my number, always wanted me as a friend since I was her best friend etc, and that she would be there if I ever needed anything, but she was with her boyfriend at the time, and I was very surprised she texted something like that. She's said that he knows about me, how long we were together etc, I don't think she;ll of went into great detail obviously. And she has reiterated that nothing will happen between us, and I accept that especially since she is with someone else. I'm just surprised she is actually wanting to bring her boyfriend a long. I don't think it's to show him off to me as I know who he is (informally), I think she wants him there as sort of reassurance incase any old feelings come back to her. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 I lived with a guy for over a decade. We have been apart longer then we were together now. I'm married. He has a live in GF. A few months ago we bumped into each other & chatted for about 1/2 hour. He told me about his niece & nephew, how they were getting along in college etc. I miss those kids & haven't seen them since they were little. It was an enjoyable conversation for the most part & it made me realize how much I missed a dear friend. He verbalized what I was feeling. His ability to do that -- read me so well -- had been one of the things that initially made me fall for him all those years ago. Then he said he'd love to talk more often & rebuild a friendship. He mentioned going out & having dinner -- the two couples. I was actually horrified. I couldn't imagine to many things that would be more awkward, painful & unappealing then spending 4 hours with him & he new GF. It is not possible to be friends with somebody you once loved so deeply. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steven1 Posted May 15, 2016 Author Share Posted May 15, 2016 I lived with a guy for over a decade. We have been apart longer then we were together now. I'm married. He has a live in GF. A few months ago we bumped into each other & chatted for about 1/2 hour. He told me about his niece & nephew, how they were getting along in college etc. I miss those kids & haven't seen them since they were little. It was an enjoyable conversation for the most part & it made me realize how much I missed a dear friend. He verbalized what I was feeling. His ability to do that -- read me so well -- had been one of the things that initially made me fall for him all those years ago. Then he said he'd love to talk more often & rebuild a friendship. He mentioned going out & having dinner -- the two couples. I was actually horrified. I couldn't imagine to many things that would be more awkward, painful & unappealing then spending 4 hours with him & he new GF. It is not possible to be friends with somebody you once loved so deeply. Yeah I think if it went as far as a double date then I couldn't aha. To be honest I'll be with a friend from work and it's more of a night out for us and I think seeing her will only last maybe half an hour to an hour at most and I won't just be limiting my time to her etc. Probably buy her one drink and then make that do tbh. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 You're already hoping she's wanting to get back together, but she's told you blatantly that she is not. She's bringing her BF because that's what she should do and also because she doesn't want you to have false hopes. Women can be just friends. It's the men who can't, especially when the woman has a new BF. You should tell her no, thank you. You're going to be miserable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts