GeminiAngel1997 Posted April 22, 2016 Share Posted April 22, 2016 Hey all — I came across this website while looking for a place where I could maybe get some advice on a situation. So me and my best guy friend (let's call him S) have been best friends for years since we were kids. This past year or so I've started to fall for him and it's been driving me nuts. He does not know about it but from his shy actions I think he's starting to feel the same but we both haven't made a move. I haven't tried because I'm not totally sure and don't want to ruin what we already have. The problem with possibly dating if he were to like me back is while is he's an extremely sweet, intelligent, responsible young man, the same time he grew up with an abusive father who's absolutely insane.. His mom and my mom are best friends and she's talked about how S is starting to display certain signs of his father in him (screaming at her, etc.). He hasn't acted like this towards me but I'm scared of that happening if we were to be involved. I think S has a lot of great potential and has been raised well by his mom because he's amazing otherwise but since he grew up around a negative father figure he possibly reciprocate and I don't want that for myself. My mom only told me about it today (she knows about me liking S) and ever since I've just been bummed out because I had been attracted to all of the wonderful things about him and just hearing that broke me inside. I know what I have to do but I'm having a very hard time with it. Can anybody shed some light on my situation and help me get over this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 22, 2016 Share Posted April 22, 2016 (edited) hey, do you love wild violets? wild violets grow best in dark places......where most flowers need the sun.....violets do not...their color is intense and beautiful..... god created violets to flourish where other beautiful flowers can not.....i wish i knew why....no one can question at all the fragility and beauty of a violet...wild violets actually take hold underground like wild flowers people can flourish and make a difference to the world...make it a more beautiful place to be even though their roots resided in barren ground and dark places......they can if they so "choose" to shed light like no other can.....or exist only to belong to the dark this issue you speak of of inheritance due to environment...is a passion of mine.....often the people who have had to struggle hardest have the strongest and most resilient and beautiful spirits inside them.....god knows why those spirits have to live the life they do live and have lived....i surely dont know why...... i think forgiveness and kindness go along way to healing a hurt past though what i do know talking in realism...is that any one person chooses to be the way they are when they grow up....you cannot place blame on the past for behavior today...your actions are always your own......you are held accountable at the end of days for what you do ...not what your parents have done or did..... i dont feel that we should judge another on their background so much.maybe be a little cautious and understanding..but it really should count more on the person you know today especially if that person has shown you nothing but kindness....good luck......deb Edited April 22, 2016 by todreaminblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GeminiAngel1997 Posted April 22, 2016 Author Share Posted April 22, 2016 hey, do you love wild violets? wild violets grow best in dark places......where most flowers need the sun.....violets do not...their color is intense and beautiful..... god created violets to flourish where other beautiful flowers can not.....i wish i knew why....no one can question at all the fragility and beauty of a violet...wild violets actually take hold underground like wild flowers people can flourish and make a difference to the world...make it a more beautiful place to be even though their roots resided in barren ground and dark places......they can if they so "choose" to shed light like no other can.....or exist only to belong to the dark this issue you speak of of inheritance due to environment...is a passion of mine.....often the people who have had to struggle hardest have the strongest and most resilient and beautiful spirits inside them.....god knows why those spirits have to live the life they do live and have lived....i surely dont know why...... i think forgiveness and kindness go along way to healing a hurt past though what i do know talking in realism...is that any one person chooses to be the way they are when they grow up....you cannot place blame on the past for behavior today...your actions are always your own......you are held accountable at the end of days for what you do ...not what your parents have done or did..... i dont feel that we should judge another on their background so much.maybe be a little cautious and understanding..but it really should count more on the person you know today especially if that person has shown you nothing but kindness....good luck......deb Wow that put a lot of things into perspective for me, thank you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 Wow. Well, this is a serious situation, isn't it? A child in an abusive household will always be affected by it. They may rebel some, but some of it usually sticks, even if it's unintentional uncontrolled rage or a problem with getting close. It can be to any degree. If they model after the abuser, they are certainly going to be a big risk for also being abusive. The bottom line for me is this: It takes a LOT to make a mother admit her child may have problems. Most mothers just get in denial and stay there and are their child's only advocate if they are a big mess. But this one has seen signs that frighten her. He is acting ugly toward her. She is his female role model. He learned how to treat women from a man who treated them badly. The odds are not great here. I know he's been nice to you so far, but having a relationship with sex and everything often makes a man (and women) act different. For example, my old roommate married a younger guy after dating a couple of years. She moved with him immediately to where he was stationed in the Navy. I had noticed he had some unethical behavior (so did she), but I was the roommate, and I never got a whiff of anything violent or any serious yelling even. As soon as she married him and moved to that town away from all her friends and family, he started hitting her. She called me in the middle of the night, and I said, "Leave and come home," and she did. He then proceeded to stalk her and ended up in military prison for his behavior. She claimed she didn't know he had that in him. He now owned her and, the big thing, had her isolated, and whatever he had in him came out. Now, you could try having a relationship with him, but if you get the first whiff of him being disrespectful, you need to not overlook it and get out. And of course, a failed relationship will mean no more friendship. I'd take the mother's advice here and leave things as is and find a new man. Link to post Share on other sites
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