How often do men reach out to their **** buddy?

[JelatineDessert]

There's this guy who I have started having sex with. (I told him that I wasn't looking for a relationship. He's fine with that.)

So we started to have sex and he was my first time. A couple times he has gone a week or two without needing to see me again. I'm generally a confident girl and feel like I make things very fun in the bedroom, but this guy kind of makes me think, "If he had fun with me, why would he wait a week or two to hang out again? Did he not have fun or?" In my mind, I want to see him every week, so it doesn't make sense why he wouldn't want to either. I even texted last night saying hey and he didn't reply at all.

Does this mean anything? Should I not be taking this personally? No, I don't have feelings but I would like to know if based on bhm not wanting to see me more often, maybe he doesn't have that much fun with me? (Btw, he has another girl that he has sex with. But still, why ignore my text you know?)

Men, please tell me any input! ? Thank you guys!

[losangelena]

Well, I think the basic answer to your question is that they reach out as often as they feel like it.

 

Just to be clear—he is the first guy you've ever slept with?

 

I think you should not worry about what he wants, and focus on what YOU want. If you want to be FBs with someone who will text you back, or someone who'll see you more than once every two weeks, then you're free to next this guy, because he doesn't sound like he's giving you what you want/need.

 

You're free to set your own terms here. You don't have to wait around on the whims of some dude.

[RecentChange]

Oh yikes....

 

In my experience, a successful "F buddy" relationship takes a lot of maturity and very OPEN communication.

 

This includes talking about sex, prefences, desires etc - leaving not much in the way of guessing, but very Frank discussion.

 

And it means talking about expectations and boundaries. How often are we going to meet up / situ with seeing other people / what triggers a "termination" etc.

 

And lastly - there has to be a level of mutual respect! In my book, ignoring a text is rude / dismissive, and I wouldn't tolerate that from an F' buddy.

 

I have had F' buddies that I had contact with on just a weekly basis, others that I communicated with much more often.

 

You sound very insecure in this situation - and he sounds pretty dismissive of you

 

I am not sure that this is a "healthy" relationship for you from the info you have given us.

[Shanex]

Hes a F-buddy and you clearly told him that you don't want a relationship, as RC said it's not a 'normal' relationship in which people call and text all the time. Sometimes you can go weeks or months without seeing him or her. Why the dramas? A F-buddy or a FWB situations are supposed to be drama free, you can pretend to have zero feeling but why are you worried about him not returning a text?

 

RecentChange is right, if you can't handle silence and occasional NSA fling with a man without developing some sort of feeling and attachment, you should look forward different type of relationship. More committed and exclusive.

 

Communication is important, if I was going to speculate the guy maybe simply has gotten what he wanted and wandered off, being optimistic he may reach out to you again.

Edited April 20, 2016 by Shanex

[mightycpa]

There's this guy who I have started having sex with. (I told him that I wasn't looking for a relationship. He's fine with that.)

So we started to have sex and he was my first time. A couple times he has gone a week or two without needing to see me again. I'm generally a confident girl and feel like I make things very fun in the bedroom, but this guy kind of makes me think, "If he had fun with me, why would he wait a week or two to hang out again? Did he not have fun or?" In my mind, I want to see him every week, so it doesn't make sense why he wouldn't want to either. I even texted last night saying hey and he didn't reply at all.

Does this mean anything? Should I not be taking this personally? No, I don't have feelings but I would like to know if based on bhm not wanting to see me more often, maybe he doesn't have that much fun with me? (Btw, he has another girl that he has sex with. But still, why ignore my text you know?)

Men, please tell me any input! ? Thank you guys!

Speaking purely from experience, did it ever occur to you that there was more than one of you and only so much of him to go around?

 

Think about it.

[JelatineDessert]

 

RecentChange is right, if you can't handle silence and occasional NSA fling with a man without developing some sort of feeling and attachment, you should look forward different type of relationship. More committed and exclusive.

I mean, Im not looking to hang out like we're dating, but I just wonder why he wouldn't want to have sex more often than just "every few weeks." Sex is something all men love, so why is he so indifferent about it with me? I ubderstand he may have another girl on the side, but i can't help but think "Was I not good enough? Was I not fun enough?" I'm excited to see him, so I just don't get why a guy, even if he has another sex buddy, wouldn't want to see her again more?

Again, by "see", I mean, have sex with.

[RecentChange]

Just end it - its making you insecure, and he certainly isn't going to help you build up your ego with his lack of enthusiasm and attention.

 

A good FWB situation should NEVER leave you wondering "Am I not good enough?"

[BettyDraper]

I mean, Im not looking to hang out like we're dating, but I just wonder why he wouldn't want to have sex more often than just "every few weeks." Sex is something all men love, so why is he so indifferent about it with me? I ubderstand he may have another girl on the side, but i can't help but think "Was I not good enough? Was I not fun enough?" I'm excited to see him, so I just don't get why a guy, even if he has another sex buddy, wouldn't want to see her again more?

Again, by "see", I mean, have sex with.

 

If you can't handle a FWB relationship without getting hurt emotionally, it's time to refrain from having sex outside of a committed relationship.

[JelatineDessert]

If you can't handle a FWB relationship without getting hurt emotionally, it's time to refrain from having sex outside of a committed relationship.

 

I'm not hoping for a relationship, I'm just wondering why he's not looking forward to having sex with me as much. I'm not expecting the guy to be in love with me, but I am wondering why a man would not be that excited about sex. I feel like men always are looking forward to sex and so many of the things they do in life is motivated by the want for it. Him and I only had sex two/three times and he seemed to enjoy it.

[RecentChange]

Maybe the sex wasn't as great as you thought it was.

 

Maybe he isn't that attracted to you.

 

Maybe he is busy F'ing another girl.

 

Maybe he doesn't have that high of a sex drive.

 

Maybe is is just busy.

 

You SHOULD be able to talk to him about this. In my experience some FWB want it more often than I do, others wanted it less than I did. And I TALKED to them, and understood the reasons for wanting more or less.

 

And did I read this right that you lost your virginity to him

[PinkElephants]

Jelatine, you've made 2 threads now asking "why won't he see me more often?" You seem frantic to get an answer but it doesn't actually matter. The point is he doesn't want to see you; either accept it or let him go.

 

As for why he doesn't text you, there could be several reasons:

- you exist in his world only for sex, he didn't want sex with you when you texted so he felt no need to text back

- he might have 20 other girls in the line up and your spot in the rotation is every 3 weeks

- you're no longer exciting sex. He caught you; the thrill of the chase is over and now you're routine sex, backup sex for when he can't land someone new

- poker night with the guys is more exciting than routine sex with you so he doesn't bother

 

Does any of this matter? Does any of it give you satisfaction, would it give you satisfaction if he said it to your face? Or would you continue asking "why is it routine?" "why, why, why?"

 

He doesn't want to boink you more often than once a month; that's the only fact you need. Stop searching for meaning where there isn't any. And don't text "hey". It's not a conversation starter, an invitation, or the act of a confident woman.

[JelatineDessert]

Well yeah, I mean, you guys have to realize that to me, I often wonder if maybe he just felt I was bad in bed or not. I did give him my virginity and so obviously I'm not very experienced in the act of sex. I personally feel like I was fun and even at one point while i was giving him fellatio, he said "You're so good." (I hope he meant it)

Yes, I wish I never texted him and reached out because now I just look like I'm chasing him.

 

It's just a bruise to my ego and I can't help but to wonder what I possibly could have done wrong in bed or what I could do to make it better. I don't know if I made a fool of myself or not.

[carhill]

How often do men reach out to their [FWB]?

Whenever they desire sex with that particular person. Some men have more than one FWB, some have them in addition to partners or spouses, some men have various women for various functions. It all depends on the man and his milieu. His silent periods could be lack of interest, spending time with another sexual partner, doing things with his girlfriend or wife and family, etc, etc.

 

In this case, you stated he disclosed another sexual partner; beyond that everything is conjecture. Why do I mention that? Well, I dated a couple ladies who turned out to be married back in my 20's. Appearances aren't always what they appear to be.

[basil67]

Yes, I wish I never texted him and reached out because now I just look like I'm chasing him.

 

What's wrong with being assertive? If you want to sleep with him again, just text him and ask if he's up for another tumble.

[PinkElephants]

JD, what would make you happy? Every post you make screams frantic desperation. You repeatedly ask the same questions, "why won't he contact me? Was I good enough? Why don't I excite him?" Every answer we give is met with another repetition of the same questions; nothing soothes you.

 

Relationships, whether romantic, platonic, familial, sexual, or something else, are meant to enhance our happiness and sense of well-being. If they don't then we'd be wise to end them.

 

This FWB relationship seems to cause you great anxiety and damage to your self-worth. This guy isn't going to give you the comfort that you crave. He doesn't want more contact with you. To you, being good in bed=he contacts you more so even if he tells you that you were good it won't satisfy you because he doesn't follow up with seeing you. The lack of validation is going to continue to eat at you, your unrequited attempts at contact are going to erode your self-esteem and, eventually, you'll start to annoy him which will send you into an even deeper insecurity tailspin. Have you also considered that this guy only wanted to take your virginity and he's slowly leaving you because he got what he wanted?

 

I'd suggest ending this and not having sex again until you're safely within a supportive relationship with a man who builds up your self-esteem, wants to spend time with you and who will be forthcoming with the validation you want.