How to stop unwanted flirting from male friend?

[roxan]

I have this male friend that I know since many years, 7-8 years I think.

We havent seen each other since more than 2 years due to the distance, but we keep in touch via texts, whatsapp etc...

He can be nice and funny sometimes which is I why I appreciate him as a friend, but he's also very annoying at times.

I know he is kinda attracted to me but I dont find him attractive at all and clearly told him several times that I'm not interested and that I dont like that he flirts with me.

 

In the space of those 7-8 years, I ve had boyfriends, with 2 of them being long term relationship,and even when knowing that I'm with someone, he persists with his flirting and still send me flirtatious messages these days.

I ve been trying to laugh them off but some of his messages are so annoying.

I dont know if he is just generally this way with every woman he knows, I think he might just do this to tease me but I get really tired.

Thats' s not even subtle flirting, and I dont find this cute or funny at all.

He would often says things like:

"I'm going to bed now, wish you were here".

"I know I can be the perfect husband for you"

"If you were my girlfriend,I would spoil you rotten"

"Really miss seeing your sexy bum" etc...

Usually when he's like that,I just ignore him. And then few days later,he gets in touch again, and carry on having a "normal" conversation.

The other day he texted me asking what plans I had for that day.

I replied that I'm just going shopping.

He asked "oh,what are you buying?"

I said "I'm looking for a pair of shoes"

He replied "I will buy you the sexy lingerie to go with it "

I thought "ewww, he's at it again !" and just ignore it.

Then he continued "Haha, no response??"

I was annoyed so I told him "in your dreams, creep!"

And then he asked "Why am I a creep?"

I just ignore him now, but I'm sure in a few days, he ll contact me again as if it was normal.

 

Is there a way I can stop the flirting but keep the friendship?

Like I said, I like him as a friend but his flirting is really annoying.

[Satu]

*Is there a way I can stop the flirting but keep the friendship?

Like I said, I like him as a friend but his flirting is really annoying.

 

It won't be easy.

 

He definitely wants to be more than a friend.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Lol. OP, I can relate as I have a couple male friends who I've been good friends with for YEARS but is relentless with their flirting. One in particular keeps saying how I'm the one for him and that I just haven't "realized" it yet. I've also had a few relationships during my friendship with him and it hasn't stopped him from flirting. I've tried everything from a serious talk, to being mean...nothing's worked.

 

It's now turned into a bit of a joke (at least on my side) and I either, laugh, ignore or shoot him down mercilessly. I value the friendship too much to cut him off. I don't talk to him as much when I'm in a relationship out of respect for my bf at the time but we have and will always remain friends. I don't lead him on or give him any idea that there may be hope in the future for us.

 

You have to decide if his friendship is worth it to you...if you find yourself not getting anything out of the friendship and you're constantly annoyed by his behavior...then let it go.

[Satu]

Which is stronger: the irritation you get from the flirting, or the satisfaction you get from the friendship?

[roxan]

Lol. OP, I can relate as I have a couple male friends who I've been good friends with for YEARS but is relentless with their flirting. One in particular keeps saying how I'm the one for him and that I just haven't "realized" it yet. I've also had a few relationships during my friendship with him and it hasn't stopped him from flirting. I've tried everything from a serious talk, to being mean...nothing's worked.

 

It's now turned into a bit of a joke (at least on my side) and I either, laugh, ignore or shoot him down mercilessly. I value the friendship too much to cut him off. I don't talk to him as much when I'm in a relationship out of respect for my bf at the time but we have and will always remain friends. I don't lead him on or give him any idea that there may be hope in the future for us.

 

You have to decide if his friendship is worth it to you...if you find yourself not getting anything out of the friendship and you're constantly annoyed by his behavior...then let it go.

 

Haha, yes I really dont know what to do anymore..

I never flirted back with him,and told him several times that I'm NOT interested in being more than friends, and not attracted in him so I really dont know why after 7-8 years of friendship he persists in flirting with me.

 

When he texts me things like "really miss your sexy bum" or "I'm in bed,wish you were here", it just makes me cringe!

Like, does he really think that would charm a girl ?

[roxan]

Which is stronger: the irritation you get from the flirting, or the satisfaction you get from the friendship?

 

Well I dont know, we ve been friends since so many years, and when he's not flirting he can be a nice and funny person.

I ve always hoped that he would get the message and stop hitting on me,but the fact that even now he persists,just make me lose patience.

 

Do you think there is no way to make him stop flirting unless we stop being friends?

[preraph]

He's a ticking bomb. It's only a matter of time before he's the reason your next boyfriend can't trust you. If he was actually around, he'd already be running off all potential suitors by making them think you're his girlfriend. He may be anyway, online.

 

He has lots of compliments, but he has zero genuine respect for you or he'd respect your decision instead of thinking you don't really know what's good for you and continuing to make inappropriate comments. He doesn't want to be a friend at all. He isn't a friend.

 

I think you should fade out on him -- and I strongly advise you block him entirely next time you get a boyfriend, because who would put up with that guy?

[road]

Another reason why men and women can not be friends.

 

 

And, when knowing that a man wants a woman to be his girlfriend

and the woman does not want to be his girlfriend why does she let him

be her girl friend?

 

 

When woman do this they're just stringing him along letting him hope that some day she'll be his girlfriend.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Another reason why men and women can not be friends.

 

 

And, when knowing that a man wants a woman to be his girlfriend

and the woman does not want to be his girlfriend why does she let him

be her girl friend?

 

 

When woman do this they're just stringing him along letting him hope that some day she'll be his girlfriend.

 

I don't know that men and women can't be friends. That doesn't make sense to me. But I agree with what you have said otherwise. I personally know women who would string guys along for the ego boost or for the extra helping hand. Guy who likes girl can rarely decline a request from girl he likes. So now girl has a minion so to speak willing to do whatever she asks of him. All she has to do is put up with a little flirting on guy's part. Maybe even a little playful flirt back if minion loses interest. That will bring him right back into minion mode. Guy thinks "maybe if I do all this for her I'll have a shot" poor guy never has a chance.

[RRM321]

Ignoring the flirts, and responding only to appropriate speak is a good start.

 

If you want to preserve the friendship (on your end, because we really can't predict how he will react when flirting is taken off the table) then you have to establish and enforce strict boundaries.

 

You've established those boundaries by expressing your disapproval and ignoring some things but, now you have to enforce them with a consistent response which is: "That's inappropriate." No further explanation, and you only return to the conversation when it is redirected to respect your boundaries. You can do this in person, in a text, or on the phone. You've already explained that you don't like it so, discussion or explanation of your boundaries is not necessary.

[roxan]

Ignoring the flirts, and responding only to appropriate speak is a good start.

 

If you want to preserve the friendship (on your end, because we really can't predict how he will react when flirting is taken off the table) then you have to establish and enforce strict boundaries.

 

You've established those boundaries by expressing your disapproval and ignoring some things but, now you have to enforce them with a consistent response which is: "That's inappropriate." No further explanation, and you only return to the conversation when it is redirected to respect your boundaries. You can do this in person, in a text, or on the phone. You've already explained that you don't like it so, discussion or explanation of your boundaries is not necessary.

 

The problem is that my friend just cant see that his remarks are inappropriate and just make me cringe.

I cant imagine how he can thinks that saying to a girl that he misses "seeing her sexy bum",or stuff like that,would make her fall for him?!

Like I said,I ve had boyfriends during our friendship ,2 of them being long term relationships(2 and 4 years) which he knew about , but that didnt make him stop flirting

[road]

The problem is that my friend just cant see that his remarks are inappropriate and just make me cringe.

I cant imagine how he can thinks that saying to a girl that he misses "seeing her sexy bum",or stuff like that,would make her fall for him?!

Like I said,I ve had boyfriends during our friendship ,2 of them being long term relationships(2 and 4 years) which he knew about , but that didnt make him stop flirting

 

 

No.

 

 

The problem is you.

 

 

The problem is you allowed a man to be your boy friend that wanted to be your boyfriend into your life.

 

 

As long as you kept him as your boy friend you sent the message that it is ok for him to flirt.

 

 

Saying you did not want him to flirt is not the same as not allowing him to flirt.

 

 

Problem was you. All on you for you chose to ignore that he was never going to be happy with just being your boy friend when he wanted to be your boyfriend.

 

 

Why did you chose to ignore that he wanted to date you?

[preraph]

That's exactly why you should just run him off. He doesn't give two cents about your opinion, has no respect for you or your opinion, or anyone but himself.

[RRM321]

The problem is that my friend just cant see that his remarks are inappropriate and just make me cringe.

I cant imagine how he can thinks that saying to a girl that he misses "seeing her sexy bum",or stuff like that,would make her fall for him?!

Like I said,I ve had boyfriends during our friendship ,2 of them being long term relationships(2 and 4 years) which he knew about , but that didnt make him stop flirting

 

If you have truly been assertive about and spoken directly to him about this (as opposed to simply expecting him to properly gauge social interactions) then you should certainly disengage.

 

You'll have to decide to make it either permanent or contractual:

 

"I'm sorry I cannot continue this friendship if you are unwilling to respect my sensibilities and refrain from these inappropriate romantic or sexual overtures. If at some time in the future you can abide my sensibilities - I may with some caution be willing to explore friendship again subject to these terms."

[NYC-BigKat]

I have this male friend that I know since many years, 7-8 years I think.

We havent seen each other since more than 2 years due to the distance, but we keep in touch via texts, whatsapp etc...

He can be nice and funny sometimes which is I why I appreciate him as a friend, but he's also very annoying at times.

I know he is kinda attracted to me but I dont find him attractive at all and clearly told him several times that I'm not interested and that I dont like that he flirts with me.

 

In the space of those 7-8 years, I ve had boyfriends, with 2 of them being long term relationship,and even when knowing that I'm with someone, he persists with his flirting and still send me flirtatious messages these days.

I ve been trying to laugh them off but some of his messages are so annoying.

I dont know if he is just generally this way with every woman he knows, I think he might just do this to tease me but I get really tired.

Thats' s not even subtle flirting, and I dont find this cute or funny at all.

He would often says things like:

"I'm going to bed now, wish you were here".

"I know I can be the perfect husband for you"

"If you were my girlfriend,I would spoil you rotten"

"Really miss seeing your sexy bum" etc...

Usually when he's like that,I just ignore him. And then few days later,he gets in touch again, and carry on having a "normal" conversation.

The other day he texted me asking what plans I had for that day.

I replied that I'm just going shopping.

He asked "oh,what are you buying?"

I said "I'm looking for a pair of shoes"

He replied "I will buy you the sexy lingerie to go with it "

I thought "ewww, he's at it again !" and just ignore it.

Then he continued "Haha, no response??"

I was annoyed so I told him "in your dreams, creep!"

And then he asked "Why am I a creep?"

I just ignore him now, but I'm sure in a few days, he ll contact me again as if it was normal.

 

Is there a way I can stop the flirting but keep the friendship?

Like I said, I like him as a friend but his flirting is really annoying.

 

Um...just tell him it feels really really weird & if he can please stop 'cause its making your friendship awkward that's all.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Roxan, my one friend one time kissed me on the shoulder while we were watching a movie at the theatre and I cringed with disgust. I had a serious conversation after that and although he respected by physical boundaries he still continued to flirt.

 

Have you had a serious convo with him telling him that his flirting his making you less inclined to continue to friendship?

[Alamo657]

And yet another woman who believes a guy spending time on her has no agenda

"friendship"... no, this man is courting you, and you're letting him. That's what it is.

 

Between heterosexual available (i didn't write "single" on purpose) men and women there is no middle ground : men want to procreate, women want to be entertained and surrounded.

 

If you have a childhood friend forever, he's secretly in love with you.

If your male friend never touched you, it's because he's afraid to loose you.

And if you slept with a "friend", he's not a friend, he's one of your sexual partners.

Edited March 10, 2016 by Alamo657

[Cherryz]

The biggest question is : HOw did you tell him to stop or that you dont like.

And how did/do you act when he still do this type of things? You still find time to giggle sometimes about it? Or react in a joking way that you dont like it/?

 

If you say no and you still smile, or still react kind of cool about it, he wont take you serious!

 

You need to choose what is more important.

Him stop disrespecting you or keep him around no matter what.

Friend should respect each-other!

And the sexual parts in this makes me think that he maybe like you but is hoping alot also for the sex part!

 

To make him stop you need to say no also in your body language and actions.

Once you need to stay silent when he do that, then look him in his eyes dead serious, and tell him,

you know what, i told you different times that i dont like that you keep flirting with me. But you keep flirting with me. I dont like it. I see you as just a friend. If you continue to flirt with me i will break this friendship off. Because it shows me then that you dont respect me.

 

Dont go in discussion with him. Keep it short and leave if possible.

Next time you see him act and treat him as friend.(normal).

That shows that you dont hate him, but just dont like the flirting part.

Its up to him if he gonna respect you not liking the flirting or no.

[hippychick3]

"Hey, it makes me uncomfortable when you say those kinds of things. Please stop."

[Cherryz]

Now i see that he wanted to date you many times. BUt you rejected him.

 

I agree with the person that said its your own fault for keeping him around knowing all of this.

 

You should have move on instead of keep him around knowing that he into you but you dont want and he not care that you have boyfriends.

 

What you allow will continue!

[roxan]

Roxan, my one friend one time kissed me on the shoulder while we were watching a movie at the theatre and I cringed with disgust. I had a serious conversation after that and although he respected by physical boundaries he still continued to flirt.

 

Have you had a serious convo with him telling him that his flirting his making you less inclined to continue to friendship?

 

Believe me I told him seriously a multiple times that his flirting , especially the overtly sexual remarks he keeps making , annoy me.

I also had a few arguments with him, when he kept doing that while I was in relationship and told him it was dirsrespectful toward my boyfriend at the time.

 

To those saying that I'm leading him on, by being his friend.

First, it's always him that initiate contact

Second,I clearly told him that I'm not attracted to him.

If a man I wanted to date tells me that he is not attracted in me, dates other women and I still choose to be his friend, then it means that I accept that he wont date me, right?

[roxan]

Another reason why men and women can not be friends.

 

 

And, when knowing that a man wants a woman to be his girlfriend

and the woman does not want to be his girlfriend why does she let him

be her girl friend?

 

 

When woman do this they're just stringing him along letting him hope that some day she'll be his girlfriend.

 

It's not because a man flirts with a woman that he wants to be her boyfriend! Lots of guys just do it for the attention, not because they are desperatly in love with one woman

 

If you ve read my first post I wrote "I dont know if he does this to every woman he knows"...meaning he could very well flirts with every other women as well.

I'm not bothered about who he flirts with or not, it's none of my buisness.

But looking at his social medias profiles, and the pic comments he writes to other women, he flirts with pretty much that has legs...

So are you going to say that he is leading on these women, or that these women are leading on that poor guy??!

[hippychick3]

Believe me I told him seriously a multiple times that his flirting , especially the overtly sexual remarks he keeps making , annoy me.

I also had a few arguments with him, when he kept doing that while I was in relationship and told him it was dirsrespectful toward my boyfriend at the time.

 

To those saying that I'm leading him on, by being his friend.

First, it's always him that initiate contact

Second,I clearly told him that I'm not attracted to him.

If a man I wanted to date tells me that he is not attracted in me, dates other women and I still choose to be his friend, then it means that I accept that he wont date me, right?

 

You're leading him on by responding to him AT ALL.

 

Be honest with yourself. You like the attention. If you didn't, you'd have enough self-respect to end the friendship knowing he crossed boundaries.

[road]

Believe me I told him seriously a multiple times that his flirting , especially the overtly sexual remarks he keeps making , annoy me.

I also had a few arguments with him, when he kept doing that while I was in relationship and told him it was dirsrespectful toward my boyfriend at the time.

 

To those saying that I'm leading him on, by being his friend.

First, it's always him that initiate contact

Second,I clearly told him that I'm not attracted to him.

If a man I wanted to date tells me that he is not attracted in me, dates other women and I still choose to be his friend, then it means that I accept that he wont date me, right?

 

 

You are leading him on: You allow him to use the cloak of friendship as he is trying to work his way out the friend zone into the dating zone with you.

 

 

Yes he makes the effort to keep the friendship going otherwise he can't use the guise of just wanting to be friends to eventually get to court you.

 

 

Yes you did tell he's ugly. Yes he can be delusional and you are just playing hard to get. In the end he finds you hot. And, as we all know the end justify the means.

 

 

You right? No, wrong apples to oranges. It is not about that you would accept being friend zoned. Your failure is that you expect him to behave the way you would.

[Bufo]

Do a little scientific research courtesy of Google. The term is "beta orbiter" and you'll find lots of blogs on the topic. He's just more aggressive than most or finds courage in distance.

 

I'm not blaming you but you must be getting something positive out of this or you would have blown him off long ago. And he must be getting something out of this or he would have done the same to you. Figure out what it is. Most friends are not repeatedly annoying or else they aren't friends any more.

Edited March 13, 2016 by Bufo
Damn phone keyboard!!!!!