blackwidow290 Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 (edited) So here's the story. I have been getting strange vibes from a close female friend of mine regarding my fiancé..I suspect that she cannot be trusted but I'm not sure whether to end the friendship. I'd like to obtain your opinion. When she initially met my fiancé, she lit up and said 'wow sooo handsome'. I didn't think anything of the compliment. I began 2015 by organizing a new years party at our place. At this party, my friend always lit up and put a huge smile on her face when my fiancé would talk to her and she even said 'you are sooo lucky to have him.' The smile was so big, she was blushing and the vein in her forehead would pop.lol. I hadn't seen her smile like that before. Since that party, my friend was very cold and distant in 2015. We only met twice throughout the year which is very unusual for our close friendship. Now what is strange is that even if we did not meet, towards the end of the year, she suddenly decides to friend my guy on Facebook. Am I reading too much into it? The friend has decided to contact me and is afraid that Im upset that she fell off the face of the earth. To be honest, I had just written her off. I don't want to be jealous for no reason .. but what do you think? Edited January 26, 2016 by blackwidow290 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Did your boyfriend accept the friend request? I hope he declined it. If she hasn't really been in contact with you lately then did this, I would question her motives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackwidow290 Posted January 26, 2016 Author Share Posted January 26, 2016 he accepted..I had never voiced any concern about her to him. He said 'oh guess who added me on Facebook, she must have been thinking of you!' lol..guys are so clueless Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 he accepted..I had never voiced any concern about her to him. He said 'oh guess who added me on Facebook, she must have been thinking of you!' lol..guys are so clueless Hmm.. thinking of you, yeah right! Sorry, I don't mean to make you worry more but I don't have a good feeling about this "friend" of yours. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Oh, she's after him alright. I think you should ask him to block her and you should block her after her doing that. Tell him you don't trust her and don't want to have to worry about her doing anything to cause drama.Tell him she's famous for getting in the middle of things and causing trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 (edited) If this is your "close" friend, then I don't see the issue with her friending him, all of my friends & even some old friends I haven't seen in years are all friends with my husband on Facebook. It could be she's a little envious you're getting married & pulled away a bit. Has she done anything in the past for you not to trust her? Do you trust your fiancé? Do you know anything that's tone on in her life in the last year? It's kind of odd that someone that would be after you fiancé hasn't spoken to either of you in a year, maybe she friended him bc she had a good time with both of you. If she hasn't given you past reasons for distrust, then it sounds like a bit of insecurity on your part. Edited January 26, 2016 by Whoknew30 Spellcheck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Padme Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 You sound kind of paranoid to me unless you're leaving out some info here. Does she have a history of stealing boyfriends? Has she given you some reason not to trust her? All I see is she gave you a compliment by telling you you have a handsome boyfriend. I don't think adding him on Facebook is weird at all, and it does sound like she was thinking of you around that time if she contacted you again as well. Smiling big when an attractive person is talking to her doesn't mean she's trying to bang him. Sounds like she might be a little jealous if you're getting married and she's single which would explain why she's been distant the past year (or at least her half of the reason, friendship is a 2 way street). Feeling jealousy doesn't mean she's not to be trusted though. It's a normal emotion. Sounds like you might have a slight jealousy issue as well. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 (edited) Seems like you have a gut feeling. Its better to trust your instincts I guess. Would he mention if she private messaged him do you think? Maybe she just wanted to see what kind of oictures he posts of you guys to gauge how happy you are etc since the friendship has been strained. Id say since you haven't met up much and it seems you haven't missed her since she dropped off, I'd not have an official cold ending but don't initiate and just be breif in reply ie. Ya, lots going on with work and x and I are planning summer vaca hope your well. Polite, to the point. She's making you nervous so I'd say back away without a big wave. A little healthy jealousy isn't too bad but letting her in is gonna cause you to focus on that. I'd say just explain to your fiance your trying to phase out the friendship and have outgrown the friendship and maybe suggest he quietly delete her so she doesn't have as much access to your personal life. Life is short so only those you love and 100% trust should be in your life. Edited January 27, 2016 by privategal Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Based on the limited info here, I wouldn't trust her. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 If she was concerned about the two of you growing apart, I'd expect her to focus her efforts on getting back in touch with you, not facebook request your fiance out of the blue (as it sounds like they barely know each other). If you trust your fiance's actions there's no reason to feel insecure, but if her behavior has made you uncomfortable, there's also no reason to resume your prior relationship with her. You shouldn't have a friendship with someone that you don't trust. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Listen, I've been there. Had a friend of 17 years go after someone I was serious about. Had other peripheral women poach off me as well. It's a very real thing. She has no business reaching out to him when she knows you are involved, period. Link to post Share on other sites
dsj Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Did you discuss why she fell off the face of the planet? I'm also not sure why you consider this person a close friend but haven't talked to them in a year? I wouldn't put too much weight on the friending of your fiance on Facebook. She may just been coming back to Facebook, looked at your profile to see what you've been up to, and either saw him in your friends list and added you or he just showed up as a suggested friend and hit add. Your fiance told you when she added him so I would assume he'd tell you if she's been messaging him or something. I've been friends with partners friends on Facebook and absolutely nothing has ever happened. One of these friends has even exhibited the same behaviors you mentioned.. light flirting, blushing, etc. around me. I never got the vibe that she was interested in any way. I think this comes down to how much you trust your fiance, not your friend. If someone loves you and is faithful, they will turn down anyone no matter how hard they try. If your friend ends up attempting something with your fiance, deal with it then. No sense in losing a friend over a feeling you have. Link to post Share on other sites
Cablebandit Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 I trust my wife so there is no need to waste my time worrying about the trustworthiness of the men she is around. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 I don't get it. She lit up upon meeting your FI. was he your FI at the time she met him? Then she lit up again at last year's NYE party. You haven't seen her much during the last year; then she added your FI to her FB. Based on that alone I don't see anything except paranoia on your part. If your FI is trustworthy, she can throw herself at him naked & nothing will happen. If he's not, why are you considering marrying him? Since your relationship with this person doesn't appear to be close any more, you don't spend time together, just leave the friendship to die from benign neglect & stop fretting. Link to post Share on other sites
babycrapgreen Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Always go with your gut instinct. If not having no communication for a year and her being cold to you, I'd say it's a sign to cut her off. Girl's know what they're doing. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Your fiance needs to delete her, since you two are barely speaking or seeing each other now, there's no reason for them to be in contact on facebook. Since she's crushing on him, you don't trust her (though do you trust him? Has he ever flirted with her or speak to her/text with her?) so why have a friendship with someone you don't trust? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackwidow290 Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 (edited) I completely trust my fiancé - he has good values and morals. She hasn't contacted him (our accounts are open on our iPads), but it doesn't mean that she wouldn't try anything and that the friend request was innocent. The feeling of betrayal here comes from her behaviour, someone that I considered a close friend. I'm going with my gut feeling on this one. Recently, she contacted me via text asking if I was mad that she fell off the face of the earth. I said 'no'... because I had just decided to move on from the friendship. I had in fact just posted here. She asked if we could meet up and I said ok, sure. I regretted saying yes and was going to cancel but I sensed that she'd come through for me.. she texted to cancel at the last moment, saying that she was too exhausted. I just said okay. I deleted her from both of our accounts a week or so later. Its pathetic that someone cancels when she's trying to make amends. Its also disrespectful and I wouldn't treat someone else so poorly. I saw right through this so called friend. What happened to her is that her bf of 3 years left her last year. I was always a reliable and supportive friend. I actually cared for her like a sister and have been nothing but loving and giving, through the good and bad. The sense of betrayal is that she's just pissed off that stuff is working out for me. When she talked to me, she almost sounds guilty but she cannot help herself. Its stupid, cos I just have a normal life and a normal healthy relationship .. I won't try to reason with misery. I'm over it. Edited February 9, 2016 by blackwidow290 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I completely trust my fiancé - he has good values and morals. She hasn't contacted him (our accounts are open on our iPads), but it doesn't mean that she wouldn't try anything and that the friend request was innocent. The feeling of betrayal here comes from her behaviour, someone that I considered a close friend. I'm going with my gut feeling on this one. Recently, she contacted me via text asking if I was mad that she fell off the face of the earth. I said 'no'... because I had just decided to move on from the friendship. I had in fact just posted here. She asked if we could meet up and I said ok, sure. I regretted saying yes and was going to cancel but I sensed that she'd come through for me.. she texted to cancel at the last moment, saying that she was too exhausted. I just said okay. I deleted her from both of our accounts a few later. Its pathetic that someone cancels when she's trying to make amends. Its also disrespectful and I wouldn't treat someone else so poorly. I saw right through this so called friend. What happened to her is that her bf of 3 years left her last year. I was always a reliable and supportive friend. I actually cared for her like a sister and have been nothing but loving and giving, through the good and bad. The sense of betrayal is that she's just pissed off that stuff is working out for me. But its stupid, cos I just have a normal life and a normal healthy relationship .. I won't try to reason with misery. And she's a bi*** lol. Absolutely nothing she's done says she's after your fiancé. Crappy friend doesn't equal after your man. Be mad at her for what she's done, don't add to bc your upset. It still sounds extremely insecure on your part, she's in a bad place bc of a breakup & now being accused of wanting your guy guy bc she didn't meet up with you? Maybe it's better for her if you're not her friend. You're hurt bc she's not happy for you, that's fine but you don't have to ruin someone bc they hurt your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackwidow290 Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 Small correction: her breakup was near the end of 2014, not last year. Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Small correction: her breakup was near the end of 2014, not last year. Sometimes break ups send people on a downward spiral. She evidently has some things going on but nothing you've stated says she up to no good. Most people don't want to be around happy people when down, that's probably why she baile on you. Maybe it's not about you at all, it could strictly be about her. I think she hurt you & it's ok to feel hurt by a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
ddf44 Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 personally I would say "no" Link to post Share on other sites
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