Is he still interested?

[luna juv]

After meeting someone 3 times now, between october and january, where the 3rd time he invited me to his house for wine and movies, I'm confused as to what he wants to do next.

 

Anyway, our last meet up was pleasant and i don't think anything wrong happened. We had a great time having an amazing chat, he took me out for a walk, we watched a movie at his place, drank wine, and i stayed overnight (not slept with him), slept in the guest room. Morning time he made me a nice breakfast, and seemed not to mind that we didn't make a move on each other.

 

His last words/actions towards me were how he wants to impress me by watching my favorite movies and to text him to let him know how my morning at work goes.

 

In that upcoming weekend i knew he was going to be busy and away so i didn't bother really waiting for his messages nor messaged him much. But i kinda expected him to msg me on monday, which he didn't. So i messaged him on tuesday to ask him i had a good time and if he was free this week or next week to visit my town.

 

He replied to say he thought he msg'd me as he was listening to an audio recording of my radio talk i sent him, so i guess he forgot to msg me. That's a bit odd as he would normally remember to msg me and knew when he had forgot.

 

Anyway, he didn't answer yes or no to my question of whether he's free to visit my town. He said since new year he didn't get time to go to the gym because of endless parties and friends invites, and he wants to disappear for a couple of weeks to sort out even the stress his job has given him lately. I already knew about his workplace drama and the amount of projects they gave him as he complained about it before a couple of times, and he said he doesn't like focusing on this but has no choice but to disappear "from the world" a couple of weeks to get it sorted out before he requests a paid holiday.

 

He's quite a goal oriented person. In our last meet up it became obvious to me how he performs well when he can know his plans in advance. I also noticed he works on a business on the side (along with his day job) and had accounts and other stuff to do for that also.

 

So i guess i could see he's a very busy guy and does spend a lot of time alone. He also spoke about being single for 4 years so i guess that plays into his ability to spend time alone focusing on his goals.

 

Anyway, he never said yes or no to my invitation. He just seemed to have dodged my question and said he's going to disappear a couple of weeks cuz of reasons outlined above, but he's been messaging me in his usual ways.

 

So i'm not sure what to do at this point. I'm not sure if he was implying he's not interested in another meet-up/date, or if he was implying he changed his mind about us, or if his answer was actually 'no'.

 

I'm not sure what to think, because the last time we saw each other he definitely showed interest, maintained eye contact, held his glance to me, was enthusiastic around me, and talked about wanting to impress me, etc.

 

Now suddenly, these mixed messages.

 

Can you help me to decide what i should make out of this? Do you think he's not interested anymore, or do you think he truly is just busy and needs his alone time?

[preraph]

I'm just getting out of it that he's asking for some time and space now. All you can do is give it to him and see if he reappears in a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, go out with friends and do memorable things so you have something to report that will make you seem interesting (and not desperate!) when he does show back up. Good luck.

[privategal]

Id play it cool, play it straight up no games too...message him back only when he messages you, don't initiate, don't rush, don't push...Id be pleasant and polite and light in all replies. No more offers to meet. Now thats on him going forward.

Think of patience, taking it slow, not getting high hopes or too attached right now.

You aren't exclusive so he might have other dates, his disappearing act might be to tell you gently..don't get too attached, right now there's no real reason to doubt or not trust him as you aren't exclusive so you just never know.

Until he shows signs hes interested or serious now that you put an invitation out there...then I would date, keep options open and expect little.

Reason I say this is...ignoring an invite and announcing your busy and need to disappear for a few weeks in my opinion sound like red flags.

No reason for him to have pulled away if it was just a few texts here or there and no pressure.

Theres someone else or he's not interested.

Id not be the one to reach out first at ALL.

[luna juv]

thanks guy.

 

well, in my responses to his text messages i mirrored his tone and played it cool. I replied by being neutral and understanding, and talkative in the sense that nothing feels wrong and i'm getting along with life. Even though in the back of my mind i've felt confused and concerned about his tone and approach of not giving me a clear answer, i stayed neutral.

 

I'm a couple of years older than he is, so i kinda have priorities right now where i don't want to wait on him too long if he isn't going to be clear about what he wants from me (IF he wants anything at all). He was the one who pursued me until i ended up liking him before our 3rd date. He pushed it to where it was, and now he's giving me the impression of flaking out.

 

However, i don't want to jump to conclusions as i know he's a very busy guy - he lives alone, he works A LOT of the time (his job, his personal business, readings, etc). He's social but also territorial.

 

He has many friends/acquaintances, and likes people, but he has one very close friend. He's got a private life that he's selective about letting certain people into. And apparently, he's allowed me to glimpse into his private life, preferences, interests, hobbies, thoughts and ideas.

 

So i guess i'm not sure what to make of it. He might just want space, or he might be indicating he's not interested :/

 

Then why demonstrate interest in the first place... sigh.

Edited January 22, 2016 by luna juv

[preraph]

Just exercise patience. Don't be impulsive. Wait for him to contact.

[privategal]

This is a normal thing in dating. He might be or have been interested, but might be kinda young and casual about it.

I doubt its personal or a big deal to him. Id take it as a compliment he started a friendship and don't take him seriously.

I think Id just date others and focus on other friends too because he will frustrate you. Im sure you feel a little rejected but you don't need to because it was a light casual date and he may have not wanted to get serious in the first place, not just with you...but with anyone.

Us girls can analyze or fall to hard and to fast sometimes (not saying you did) just saying we don't have patience in love as we are built with softer hearts and more emotions. I agree with the others, kinda blow him off mentally and just don't reach out, and Id not read into his actions or have expectations, cause he really isn't at that point at all so you will be disappointed.

Id actually friendzone him.

Edited January 22, 2016 by privategal

[luna juv]

Just exercise patience. Don't be impulsive. Wait for him to contact.

 

This is what I'm doing from now onwards

[luna juv]

This is a normal thing in dating. He might be or have been interested, but might be kinda young and casual about it.

I doubt its personal or a big deal to him. Id take it as a compliment he started a friendship and don't take him seriously.

I think Id just date others and focus on other friends too because he will frustrate you. Im sure you feel a little rejected but you don't need to because it was a light casual date and he may have not wanted to get serious in the first place, not just with you...but with anyone.

Us girls can analyze or fall to hard and to fast sometimes (not saying you did) just saying we don't have patience in love as we are built with softer hearts and more emotions. I agree with the others, kinda blow him off mentally and just don't reach out, and Id not read into his actions or have expectations, cause he really isn't at that point at all so you will be disappointed.

Id actually friendzone him.

 

you're right. He's still so young - so am i, but i'm 2 years older than him and i know what it's like to be where he is now where you're unsure if you're going to cross the bridge between what you're doing and what you really want to do. Plus, he's probably just keeping it casual and friendly as you said.

 

I've decided to keep him as a friend.

 

His behaviour just confused me overall. He was showing obvious, apparent and deliberate interest for me despite 3 months of not returning him any interest whatsoever. It feels like he just wanted me to be at a place where i'd return interest, at which point he can change his tone and get quieter.

 

But that might not even be the case, and you're right that i shouldn't even think about it.

[privategal]

Sometimes it is about the chase. That night he didn't try to make a move or sleep with you..could have been because the chemistry was not there...not that you weren't pretty etc. But because he weighed it out on the spot and thought I like her, shes a friend and if I lead her on with a one night stand its going to get ugly.

Probably sensing your feelings that grew for him finally, he was like..I can't go full speed ahead so better to stop here.

Some guys enjoy the flirting and you were a challenge because you weren't really into him and he liked drawing you out.

Its nothing about you, it isn't rejection either, its that you stroked his ego but he doesn't want to be tied to anyone.

He's in that selfish stage where he's got a lot going for him and lots of friends and work and opportunities and his head isn't on long term anything.

Im glad you saw this now and friendship is the best idea! Still initiated by him cause now you gotta shake these pesky feelings.

[luna juv]

Sometimes it is about the chase. That night he didn't try to make a move or sleep with you..could have been because the chemistry was not there...not that you weren't pretty etc. But because he weighed it out on the spot and thought I like her, shes a friend and if I lead her on with a one night stand its going to get ugly.

Probably sensing your feelings that grew for him finally, he was like..I can't go full speed ahead so better to stop here.

Some guys enjoy the flirting and you were a challenge because you weren't really into him and he liked drawing you out.

Its nothing about you, it isn't rejection either, its that you stroked his ego but he doesn't want to be tied to anyone.

He's in that selfish stage where he's got a lot going for him and lots of friends and work and opportunities and his head isn't on long term anything.

Im glad you saw this now and friendship is the best idea! Still initiated by him cause now you gotta shake these pesky feelings.

 

You could be right, his chasing was non-stop. I didn't lift a finger in this whole thing until the last 2 weeks of December, when I started to catch onto his vibe and grew a liking for him. I try not to fall for anyone right now in my life unless I know they'll stick around so I can get to know them. In his case, when he was pursuing me he was asking questions like, "what's your type of guy?", "what do you look for in a man?", "what's your biggest fear?"

 

He was asking very important questions including paying attention to my thoughts, ideas, goals and aspirations. The level of attentiveness made me feel like he's actually interested as oppose to doing the 'chase', so the more we text during December the more I liked him.

 

And now, after my visit to his house, he got quieter. I'm wondering if my lack of giving him the signal of interest since I didn't make it obvious might have pulled him back. I'm not sure. But I didn't do what I didn't want to do at his house while still showing I enjoyed his company and am as interested as he is.

 

Things were fine until after that weekend (the weekend he was having a reunion with his friends, having a party, etc). Then a lack of communication from him, even though he's exchanged messages a few times.

 

In fact, yesterday he sent me around 3 messages. We were just casually talking about things. We're still in touch, and we talk the way we normally did as friends. Only difference is he's not energetic about the 'chase' as he was before.

 

I'm not sure if it's because he feels he's done what he had to do, lost interest, changed his mind, got cold feet, truly needs alone time and focus on his goals (as he repeatedly emphasized), or something else. And I'm slowly growing out of it too. It's taking me a day at a time but I'm getting there.

 

Yesterday he said he needs to think about where he's going with his life, and how to do what he really wants to do career-wise. He was zoned out all week and just having introverted time.

 

But what you said makes sense to me. He's at that selfish stage where he knows where his priorities lie, and wouldn't be exclusive to me anyway.

[ddf44]

wait for him and be patient!! everything will be fine.